What do you think?

So sorry to hear about your situation!
I've always wanted more children too. (I only have one.) But, because my marriage was so unstable I felt it would be wrong to bring a child into such a stressful environment. Don't get me wrong--my son and I have a lot of fun together and I'm so glad I had him. But, I've been separated from my husband 3 times in 11 years of marriage and I decided to just devote all of my time to my son and not have to spilt it with another. I figured at least I could do as much as possible for him since other aspects of our lives were not as I would of liked. The fact that I couldn't have a 2nd or 3rd child was a disappointment in my life.
Anyway, I found these passages comforting when I felt that I was suffering in life for one reason or another. (And not being able to have that 2nd child was a suffering to me on and off over the years.)
James 1:2-4
My brothers and sisters, you will face all kinds of trouble. When you do, think of it as pure joy. Your faith will be put to the test. You know that when that happens it will produce in you the strength to continue. The strength to keep going must be allowed to finish its work. Then you will be all you should be. You will have everything you need.
Acts 5:41
The apostles left the Sanhedrin, rejoicing because they had been counted worthy of suffering disgrace for the Name.
1 Thessalonians 1:5-7
You became imitators of us and of the Lord; in spite of severe suffering, you welcomed the message with the joy given by the Holy Spirit.

In these passages, the bible puts the words joy and suffering together. That's how I am able to deal with this loss. Through my various sufferings in life, I am able to grow closer to the Lord--and that brings me joy.
Hope that helps...
Take Care,
C J

AutumnDreamer said:

Another post got me to thinking, it said something along the lines of God doesn't always intervene on our behalf, when we are doing things wrong he doesn't always step in to prevent things from happening. So my question is do you think all pregnancies are God's will? This is something I am struggling with right now. Dh and I have been trying to have another baby for 4 years. three and a half of those we have been doing our best to walk in Gods will. A friend who recently left her husband for another man (and also chose to walk away from Christ) is pregnant, she found out yesterday she is having twins. So why is this person who has made a choice to longer honor God in anything she does able to have two babies at once, when there are so many women who are giving everything they have to honor God with their life, not able to have children?

Click to expand...

wow, your situation is so much like mine. We've been actively trying almost 4 years too... and walking with Christ about 3 years. We had one miscarrige nearly 2 and a half years ago. But I have had those same questions.. how can all of these people get pregnant, not Christians, not married, not ready and don't really want the pregnancy but it's so hard for me to get pregnant. I don't really have the answer either. But I do know it's in God's timing. Knowing exactly how you feel, I have come to realize.. We will have a baby when God wants us to.. and it could be that he doesn't want us to have any, but maybe he wants us to adopt a couple of children. We will just have to wait and see. God is faithful.

I do not believe everything that happens, including pregnancy, is necessarily God's will. I believe God showed Himself and His will to us throughout history, and that includes His plan for humanity. He put basic rules in place and He won't deviate from those just to save us the consequences of our actions. So if a woman chooses to have sex with a man there's the possibility of a child, whether or not she is following God at the time.

But the question about why some God-fearing couples who earnestly want children fail to fall pregnant is more complex and I don't really know what to say about that.

AutumnDreamer said:

Thank you! I have tried to give it over to him. I have prayed that if it is not His will for us to have another baby to take away the desire, it is still here, I know we are to have another, but the question is when?

Click to expand...

Be very careful with this method. Sometimes God does take away a desire if we ask him to - sometimes he doesn't, even when the desire is for something not in His will. Why, I don't know. But here's an example - when my husband decided that he was probably having some problems with alcohol, he prayed and said to God, "if you want me to do this, take away the desire to drink alcohol". Sure enough, God did. When I stopped drinking alcohol, it was because God very clearly led me to do so. I prayed day and night that he'd take away the cravings... but nope, every time I walked past a liquor store or bar I'd want desperately to walk on in and grab a drink. It took 18 months to get past that.

I know the example is far distant from wanting a child, but I hope you see my point... sometimes God lets us keep our desires even when we ask him to take them away - and when following them would lead us out of his will. Usually, I think, it's a spiritual strengthening exercise. Painful, but useful in the future.

Anyway - *huggggggggggggggggg* I spent 18 months wrestling with a similar problem, so I have some idea how you're feeling.

AutumnDreamer said:

I understand what you are saying, but this is beyond my control, I physically can not get pregnant unless it is His will, so unlike your cravings for alcohol which you could just walk in a buy a beer (which btw awesome for you to be able to do that especially for your husband!) I can't just decide to get pregnant KWIM?

Click to expand...

*nod* Yup, I know. And I realise that 18 months of wanting to get pregnant is a fair bit different to 4 years. But in my experience, sometimes God lets us long for something even when we won't get it. I don't know why, but I figure it's probably character-building It's really, really hard, and I feel bad even saying this because it'd make me want to bite someone... ( ) ... but I think sometimes we have to come to peace with God and have a 'whatever your will is, let's go' attitude - and just see what he has in store when it comes.

I've been trying for 4 years and I totally understand where you are coming from.

I believe it's just natural for most women to want a baby.. to want to actually have their own child.. it's just the way we are made. Being a mom is something most women dream about.. not all.. but most that I know.. I've heard every girl around me talk about wanting babies since I was an early teenager. We are made to have that nurturing, caring feeling and want to give that to someone.