what do you think about this?

[cris4jesus]

i was watching a program on tv about jessica simpson being a virgin until marriage. her father stated "this was the best gift she could give her husband". what about the other girls he probably had sex with before he got married(not sure if he did but assuming so)? is this fair to them? why is the focus of virginity just on women? are men supposed to have sex with whomever but then find a virgin? if parents taught their sons to respect women and encouraged them not to have premarital sex there would be alot more virgins for them come marriage time!! dont get me wrong, i applaud jessica simpson for remaining a virgin but what about the guys? i dont think god encouraged men to fool around then find a virgin to marry. not fair...women get a bad rap (and reputation)!! what do the rest of you think!

 

[Arikereba]

I think the double standard evolved because if a woman isn't completely faithful (and isn't a virgin before marriage), the man may have some doubts over whether the children are actually his or not. Just because of the way biology works, that's not an issue with men.

Personally, I think the attitude that virginity is more important for women than for men is wrong, sexist, and harmful; it comes from a patriarchal culture that has nothing to do with the right way to live. And frankly, all the rhetoric around female virginity has always struck me as a little bit icky. It has more to do with power than with faithfulness to God. Even now, it's hard for me to reconcile the idea that I'm not giving into the dominant patriarchal culture by "saving myself for marriage," but have better and deeper reasons.

 

[catch22]

I'm a guy, and I'm totally about saving myself until marriage. I want to be faithful to my future wife even now. Frankly the blatantant sexuality among everyone in our society sickens me. I'm of the opinion that it should be considered a sacred thing and only done within the confines of marriage. For me, I'll wait until I marry the woman God wants me to marry.

 

[msjones21]

I think that, while it is extremely admirable to be a virgin on your wedding day, this constant exposure of the "good girls" makes it very hard for girls like me to feel worthy of a man's devotion. I have been redeemed by Christ and am remaining celibate until my wedding day, but I am not a technical virgin. It's statements such as "your virginity if the greatest gift you can give your husband" make me wonder "what do I have to give?"

 

[catch22]

Well I'm not sure where I heard this, but just like you can be a born again Christian, can't you also in a way be a born again virgin when you surrender your life to Christ? Maybe I'm wrong, but I could have sworn I heard that somewhere.

 

[msjones21]

You can be a born again "virgin" in the sense that you can turn from your sexual sins and lead a chaste life until marriage; however, there are some men who would find my (how do I put this without seeming vulgar?) "hymenal status" unacceptable. Once your clinical virginity is gone there is no getting it back. Of course I regret that I'm not a technical virgin, but I know God has forgiven me and I am learning to forgive myself.

 

[fishstix]

Virginity is equally important for both men and women. Just as a woman's virginity is an amazing gift to her husband, a man's virginity is an amazing gift to his wife. The cultural double standard is just dumb, and even dumber is shifting it towards not seeing virginity as important for anyone.

For those who have already lost their virginity and wish they hadn't - remaining chaste from now until marriage and faithful then is also a gift you can give your spouse.

 

[catch22]

Well you got to figure that God will lead you to someone who will accept you exactly as you are regardless of your past. I mean there's things in my past that I regret, but I was able to find someone who liked me just as I was.

 

[razorhog]

Isn't this the time to give the Mormon Church the credit they deserve for doing such a great job in protecting their youths from premarital sex and substance abuse? I'm attending the LDS Church-run university and part of the honors code prohibits all acts of sexual nature. The university licenses off-campus housing complexes that separate males and females and also enforce visiting hours for the opposite sex. Guys are never allowed in the bedroom area of girls and vice versa. Despite all the opposition and dirty bashing from other alleged good and true Christians, the Mormon Church's strong family focus by all candor attests to its members' faith and contributes greatly to this increasingly "liberal" society. Im not a fan of the Mormon doctrines and don't believe in their teachings but hey, there are definitely something they could teach American families how to raise healthy and moral kids.

 

[razorhog]

btw, if anyone still thinks polygamy exists among Mormon communities, you should all come to Utah and see the truth. There's no such thing nowadays.

 

[fishstix]

Isn't this the time to give the Mormon Church the credit they deserve for doing such a great job in protecting their youths from premarital sex and substance abuse? I'm attending the LDS Church-run university and part of the honors code prohibits all acts of sexual nature. The university licenses off-campus housing complexes that separate males and females and also enforce visiting hours for the opposite sex. Guys are never allowed in the bedroom area of girls and vice versa. Despite all the opposition and dirty bashing from other alleged good and true Christians, the Mormon Church's strong family focus by all candor attests to its members' faith and contributes greatly to this increasingly "liberal" society. Im not a fan of the Mormon doctrines and don't believe in their teachings but hey, there are definitely something they could teach American families how to raise healthy and moral kids.

Lots of Bible schools have similar rules, not just mormon ones.

 

[Echoes Peak]

Lots of Bible schools have similar rules, not just mormon ones.

Ditto.

 

[Mistyfogg]

Not to bash Mormons or anything, I grew up in a town that had a very large Mormon population. Some of the Mormons I grew up with were the most promiscuous and substance abusing people I had ever met. It hurt to see my childhood friends have so many issues with things of that nature. I don't think one religion can say that they are better than the other in this sort of venue. I grew up in and out of church. My parents did not make me go, I went every once and a while on my own. I think the virginity commitment depends more on the PARENTS, than the church. Churches do play a role which is great, but I think the real influence is from the parents. My parents are great and I made a commitment. My husband did not grow up going to church that often, and he was a virgin. I don't know what point I am trying to make but the virginity commitment should be spread equally between males and females, but will it ever be? Since guys get "props" for scoring and girls get ugly, hurtful labels-the infamous double standard. Maybe one day it will change, but I am sure it is beyond my time.

 

[catch22]

true, but some guys think other guys who give "props" for "scoring" are idiots.

 

[renaistre]

i dont think god encouraged men to fool around then find a virgin to marry. not fair...women get a bad rap (and reputation)!! what do the rest of you think!

I agree with you. We guys have just as much of a resonsibility to not "fool around" as the girls do. It's my belief that both men and women should wait to have an intimate relationship until they are married (I also think that includes more than sex, but that is an other issue for an other thread).

But I don't know why you are worried about it not being fair. Just because guys might get away with it in our culture's eyes doesn't mean that they will get away with it in the long run. It's how God sees things that counts.

Also, I think the double standard is mostly outside of the church. At least, I know that in my church there is no distinction made between guys and girls in this area.

-Evan

 

[cris4jesus]

"But I don't know why you are worried about it not being fair. Just because guys might get away with it in our culture's eyes doesn't mean that they will get away with it in the long run. It's how God sees things that counts."



-Evan[/QUOTE]


you have made an excellent point!

 

[SmackYouTwice]

You can be a born again "virgin" in the sense that you can turn from your sexual sins and lead a chaste life until marriage; however, there are some men who would find my (how do I put this without seeming vulgar?) "hymenal status" unacceptable. Once your clinical virginity is gone there is no getting it back. Of course I regret that I'm not a technical virgin, but I know God has forgiven me and I am learning to forgive myself.

I haven't read the rest of the posts in this thread, but I wanted to reply to this one.

There is some surgery that can get that hymen back in place. I saw it on some TV show. lol I'd certainly never consider that... technically, I'm not a virgin either... but I consider myself one because I've asked for forgiveness... I had it before I even asked, and I'd say I've forgave myself as well... finally. LOL! I wasn't a Christian until about 6 months ago... and it was years ago that I lost my virginity. And in saying that... I now feel virginity is something I give, not lose. I'm sure you've heard that one before, but hey, I love it! I'm a sucker for quotes... good, touch-the-heart ones. hehe

God Bless!!!

 

[fishstix]

There is some surgery that can get that hymen back in place.

That wouldn't restore virginity, only the appearance of virginity. Just like not having one doesn't mean that a woman isn't a virgin, having one doesn't mean that she is.

 

[stray bullet]

You can be a born again "virgin" in the sense that you can turn from your sexual sins and lead a chaste life until marriage; however, there are some men who would find my (how do I put this without seeming vulgar?) "hymenal status" unacceptable. Once your clinical virginity is gone there is no getting it back. Of course I regret that I'm not a technical virgin, but I know God has forgiven me and I am learning to forgive myself.

As a 'pure' male, I think any guy would be lucky to have someone so fired up about God as his wife.

You can be a born again "virgin" in the sense that you can turn from your sexual sins and lead a chaste life until marriage; however, there are some men who would find my (how do I put this without seeming vulgar?) "hymenal status" unacceptable. Once your clinical virginity is gone there is no getting it back. Of course I regret that I'm not a technical virgin, but I know God has forgiven me and I am learning to forgive myself.

What do you think Jesus would say? If you had a husband whose thoughts were totally inline with Christ's, don't you think he'd accept you for it? Any guy that wouldn't isn't thinking with a mind like Christ's and you have no business with him as your husband anyways.

Either way, it's really nothing that should bother you. The worst things you can do is let it effect your view of yourself or let it keep you from someone you belong together with.