What do you say??

katie1815 · Jul 26, 2007

There are lots of questions people ask my DH and I about when we're going to have kids. Just to fill you all in, we're not completely ruling the possibility out as of now, but we know that we currently have strong feelings against ever having a child.

So what I want to know is what you all say to people who still ask you if/when you're going to have kids. Do you dodge the question altogether, answer politely or come back with something that really isn't a definitive answer at all?

When we go to family gatherings and church it's the worst and I don't want to be rude to the people I'm closest with.

Thanks!!

fuzzymel · Jul 26, 2007

Depends on how much conversation you want to get into and how well you know the person.

I found a don't intend having kids works for people you dont know so well. Say it firmly but with a smile so not to seem rude. It just lets people know you do not wish to discuss the matter further.

To be honest I am so tempted to tell people I cannot have children. Its not techically a lie because I know I have fertility issues but have obviously never looked any further into it because it doesnt bother me. At least 'I cannot have children' puts an end to questions. Dont feel like I can use that yet though because it just makes me feel so bad for all the couples who really cannot have children and desperately want them.

pepperfish · Jul 26, 2007

I don't dodge the question, because I'm quite outspoken and personal questions like that, even coming from friends/family make me slightly, ah confrontational. If the topic comes up, I generally just laugh and say that I'm not going to be having kids. Sometimes that's enough for people. Sometimes it's not, and when they continue to press me, I end up having to elaborate; I'm not one of those people who can keep quiet to appease others, especially if they become condescending or "bingo" me about it. [I mean, come on...I'm still a teenager (19 in about a week, hooray!) and Ron and I aren't even ENGAGED yet, much less married...and I've got people giggling and interrogating us about our future kiddies].

I agree with what fuzzymel said: just answer them firmly but politely.

fuzzymel · Jul 26, 2007

Lol its crazy how young the bingos start. Mine started as soon as I got married. Now we have been married pretty much 3 years people have stopped. I guess we waited too long or maybe I am getting too old. Those who marry young seem to have children straight away. Its kindof expected.

Mskedi · Jul 26, 2007

I just say we're not going to have children because we've already raised some and I rent 185 a day.

(I took care of my siblings growing up and he took care of his cousins. I'm a teacher... I love my students, but I don't want more kids when I come home!)

HeyHomie · Jul 26, 2007

Sob inconsolably and say you can't have them. That'll shut them up real quick.

Or you can say that you already have four, and they're standing over there in the corner. Then wave at the non-existent kids in the corner and yell, "Hi Rufus! Hi Prunella! Hi Apricot Sunrise! Hi Nebuchadnezzar!"

bluebug83 · Jul 26, 2007

Welcome Katie

Like you, I'm also an on-the-fencer. I don't get the question much at all, but when I get it, I wouldn't have a problem being straightforward and honestly answering to satisfy their curiosity. I would probably give one of the following answers:

"If and whenever we feel ready for it." - that's exactly how my husband and I feel now. We have no timeline, because we don't know if or when we will ever feel like having kids, or if an "oopsie" will slip in at some point.

"Anywhere between 9 months from now to never" - I thought this up, a little more clever of a way of saying the same thing as above. But it might give the false indication that we're currently trying, which we're not: it simply acknowledges the possiblity that birth control isn't 100%.

I wouldn't have a problem with someone asking that question, except I think it can be insensitive if 1) the couple is currently trying but doesn't want to tell anyone, 2) the couple wants kids and is infertile, or 3) telling people you're not interested for the time being or never isn't good enough for them, and they insist on pestering you with questions about why that is.

Rembrandtfan · Jul 26, 2007

My husband suggested if people press too much on asking me why don't I have my own kids, besides the three he already has, then start hammering them with questions such as "How many do you have?" "Why did you stop at that number?" "Aren't you going to have any more?" I imagine it probably would shut them up, but I haven't had the nerve to do anything like that yet. One time when a really nosey woman asked me why I didn't have any of my own I said "Well, my husband's children are good enough for me." She didn't try to argue with that.

snoochface · Jul 27, 2007

HeyHomie said:
Sob inconsolably and say you can't have them. That'll shut them up real quick.

Or you can say that you already have four, and they're standing over there in the corner. Then wave at the non-existent kids in the corner and yell, "Hi Rufus! Hi Prunella! Hi Apricot Sunrise! Hi Nebuchadnezzar!"

That made my morning.

I sort of faced this question last night with a group of church people. I laughed and said rather cryptically, "There's a reason I don't have kids. Trust me, it's better that way." They all looked at me strangely like they wanted to ask follow up questions, but were a little afraid to ask. Successful endeavor in my book.

Rebekka · Jul 27, 2007

I just avoid people as much as possible.

Robinsegg · Jul 28, 2007

Assuming you've prayed about it to come to this decision, say "We've prayed about it and don't believe God has children for us".
Or, just say "We're still praying about it"

That should take care of it at church, anyway

Rachel

mrscplus · Jul 28, 2007

I always tell people that my hubbie has none, and that I have one - he's about 6 months younger than I am, and a full time job at that!!

After being married fifteen years, most of the questions have stopped, but early one, people would ask when we were starting a family. My reply was, "we did on our wedding day, and if God chooses to add to that, we will consider it His plan."

both tend to stop people in their tracks, if they have been bold enough to push the issue. Don't you usually find that it's people you don't know at all who are the most insistant on an answer?

fuzzymel · Jul 28, 2007

Yeah. It seems people who actually know you know better than to ask anything further.

I love your answer by the way. I may have to borrow that.

AveMaria · Jul 29, 2007

I'm fond of asking those people questions like:

"And when are you going to schedule your yearly pap smear?"

"Don't you think it's time you had a colonoscopy?"

Usually, they get a bit offended and want to know why I'd bring such a thing up. And I smile sweetly and say, "Well, you were asking me personal questions regarding my health . . . so I figured it was a safe topic."

invisiblebabe · Jul 29, 2007

fuzzymel said:
To be honest I am so tempted to tell people I cannot have children. Its not techically a lie because I know I have fertility issues but have obviously never looked any further into it because it doesnt bother me. At least 'I cannot have children' puts an end to questions.

That's what I tell people - that I can't have kids. It's true... for medical reasons, a pregnancy would put my health and possibly my life at risk. However, they don't really need to know the whys and hows of it all (and most would be too simple minded to understand if I did tell them lol), so I just leave at that and only say I can't have children.

HeyHomie said:
Or you can say that you already have four, and they're standing over there in the corner. Then wave at the non-existent kids in the corner and yell, "Hi Rufus! Hi Prunella! Hi Apricot Sunrise! Hi Nebuchadnezzar!"

HAHA I love that idea

AveMaria said:
I'm fond of asking those people questions like:

"And when are you going to schedule your yearly pap smear?"

"Don't you think it's time you had a colonoscopy?"

Usually, they get a bit offended and want to know why I'd bring such a thing up. And I smile sweetly and say, "Well, you were asking me personal questions regarding my health . . . so I figured it was a safe topic."

Great idea as well

Rebekka · Jul 29, 2007

AveMaria said:
I'm fond of asking those people questions like:

"And when are you going to schedule your yearly pap smear?"

"Don't you think it's time you had a colonoscopy?"

Usually, they get a bit offended and want to know why I'd bring such a thing up. And I smile sweetly and say, "Well, you were asking me personal questions regarding my health . . . so I figured it was a safe topic."

Good one!

Epoh99 · Jul 30, 2007

Some of you are very creative. I'm a wimp and don't have the nerve to confront people with the good comments some of you make.

If someone asks if we have kids I just say, "No." If they pursue it and say something like, "Oh, not ready yet?" I say, "No, we're not having kids ever." Then begin the arguments of how we'll change our minds, kids are such a blessing, blah, blah, blah.

Dvorah27 · Aug 1, 2007

katie1815 said:
There are lots of questions people ask my DH and I about when we're going to have kids. Just to fill you all in, we're not completely ruling the possibility out as of now, but we know that we currently have strong feelings against ever having a child.

So what I want to know is what you all say to people who still ask you if/when you're going to have kids. Do you dodge the question altogether, answer politely or come back with something that really isn't a definitive answer at all?

When we go to family gatherings and church it's the worst and I don't want to be rude to the people I'm closest with.

Thanks!!

I just flat out say I don't want kids & pray God never makes me have them. May as well be honest.

fuzzymel · Aug 2, 2007

Don't you every find people take that personally? I don't understand why but all they seem to hear is 'I hate children and I hate your children' which of course is not what has been said but always seems to be what they hear.

Rembrandtfan · Aug 2, 2007

fuzzymel said:
Don't you every find people take that personally? I don't understand why but all they seem to hear is 'I hate children and I hate your children' which of course is not what has been said but always seems to be what they hear.

Yes, it seems that way to me too. That gives me an idea for a new topic which I'll post separate so I don't hijack this one.

What do you say??

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