What do I have to do?

[DJG]

Hi all,

For those that haven't read my previous introcuctory post I will give you a brief summary of my Christian journey thus far.

My father is totally non-religious, I don't know if he believes in God, Christ or the Holy Spirit, as far as I know he has never been to Church, nor does he have any interest in going to church. My mother is a Roman Catholic and comes from a very religious background. I was christened in the catholic church as a baby and went to a catholic school where I learnt about Jesus etc. I also became a confirmed catholic at the age of 14. After leaving school I no longer attended church nor did I see the relevance of Christianity in my life, although I still prayed quite often. In recent years I found that my faith became more and more shallow, probably because of things that had happened in my life. My ex-girlfriend, whom I lived with was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis at the age of 23, my best friend was murdered and I felt that, if there was a god, why would he let things like this happen to people close to me. After eight years I split up with my girfriend and moved out of our flat, even though it was her choice to split, I didn't have the heart to ask her to move out of our home and decided to let her buy me out.

I am now 30 years of age and this is where things have begun to change for me spiritually. I have met and fallen deeply in love with a girl of 25 who is a very strong, practising Christian. She let me know about her religious beliefs very early on and has been totally honest and upfront with me, letting me know that she didn't believe in sex before marriage etc. very early in our relationship. For me, sex is not as important as it is for many others, therefore this didn't bother me one bit, at the end of the day, I love her and will gladly wait for as long as I have to. She then let something slip that gave me cause for great concern, she said that IF I were a christian, she would marry me. The thing that upset me about this statement is that I always saw myself as a christian...the fact that I had been brought up in the church, the fact that I had been christened and confirmed, the fact that I prayed to god, was enough to convince me that I was a christian but it appeared to me that she felt that I wasn't, therefore I felt and still fee lto a ceratin extent, that I have to do something to prove to her that I am.
I began reading books on Christainity, The Bible, I have been going to Church, I am doing an Alpha Course and have dedicated a huge part of my life to Christ. I will admit, that at first I was totally doing for her benifit, although now I reallt do see the error of my ways and feel a lot of regret about the things I have done in the past. I wish I could turn back the clock and begin my life again form 14 onwards, living in the Christian faith. unfortunately this is impossible, so I have to start now...and I have, but I still feel that my girlfriend is waiting for me to do something, to say something, to behave in away that confirms my Christianity. The problem I see is that, she has had the benefit of a very strict religious upbringing, she has dedicated her life to God and I don't think that I can be what she want me to be....I don't even know what it is. I feel like I have been given an invisible target and one arrow to hit it with.
Am I totally naive here?
Sorry for the long post...but I am at my wits end.

D.

 

[micro]

The term christian is given to so many now days that people dont know what a christian realy is anymore.

That is were your problem and solution rests today!
In your testimony I dont see any place mentioned where you became a true christian. I see where you became a member of your church!

I can see where you try to be religious.Christianity isnt astate of morality or a life style. It is a personal relationship with christ!

Gods word says "we have the right to become the sons of God even to them that believeon his name. We are not all children of God!

For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God!
When God looks at us he sees dirty rags. We are not worthy of God. Soooo how do we become worthy?

God has to see us through rose coloured glasses. "With out the shedding of blood there is no redemsion of sin". Christ died on the cross for those who would come unto him!

Rom 10:9&10
That if thou shalt confess with our mouth the Lord Jesus and shalt believe with thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead thou shalt be saved.
For with the heart man believeth unto rightiousness and withthe mouth confession is made unto salvation thou shalt be saved.

I think this is the answer to your question if not I hope someone can help you.

 

[stubbornkelly]

I agree that being a Christian is about having a relationship with Christ and putting faith in his work on the cross. It's not about praying or going to church (although both of those are aspects of being Christian) or being confirmed (which, as I understand it, happens to all kids in certain churches when they hit around 14 - I'm not even sure what confirmation is supposed to mean, really), or having grown up "Christian" (which really seems like a combination of the above).

I think that's what your girlfriend is looking for - someone who shares her love for and faith in Christ and is on a similar spiritual path. If she's looking for you to "prove" it to her somehow, I think it's wrong of her to do that - you might remind her of Job. It's not an exact analogy, but analogies never are.

 

[Lizzi4Christ]

I agree strongly with the above posts. Being a Christian is about a relationship. MAybe she's not seeing that.

I think you should talk to her. Tell her how you feel and ask her what she wants from you. It's the easiest way of finding out.

 

[DJG]

Thanks for your replies.

I realise that being a "true" Christian isn't just about going to Church or praying. It is about living by the bible.
I have sincerely asked god to come into my life, I have made a pledge to god to live by his rules and I have felt the work of the Holy Spirit in me. I am, as far as i am concered, repenting my sins and making good the bad that I have done in the past.
I am reading scripture, I am trusting in God, I believe that God sent his son to die for our sins so that we may be forgiven. What more do I have to do to be accepted...at what point does one become a "true" Christian? Perhaps the fact that I have to ask the question already gives me the answer I need. Faith...
Perhaps I see things differently, but I believe that I am a Christian and that I will be forgiven and that I will not experience spiritual death because of my faith, it may not be as strong as some, but I have it.

Thanks once again.

 

[stubbornkelly]

Actually, based on that post, I don't see what the problem is. You've accepted the saving grace and faith of Christ, right? That's all being a "true" Christian is. I don't know what your girlfriend wants.

Perhaps the two of you should sit down and have a capital T talk. I'm a strong believer in coming to a marriage decision together, rather than one person just popping it on the other, so what I'm about to suggest may sound strange to some, but here goes. If marriage is something you'd like to consider, sit her down and talk about it. Talk to her about how you feel as though your relationship is heading toward marriage. You might ask her if she sees that, too. Express your concern - you can do it so it's not accusatory, just a "you said something once that I haven't been able to get out of my mind, that if I was a Christian, you could marry me" or something along those lines. That lets her know several things, 1) that you hear what she says and take her thoughhts seriously, 2) that you value your relationship with her and have marriage intentions, and 3) are concerned that she doesn't think you're a Christian (which speaks to a couple of different things, her perception of you as well as your possible concern that your life doesn't reflect your faith). The point of such a conversation might be to 1) find out what her thoughts about marriage to you are, 2) find out what has led her to believe that you are not a Christian and 3) find out if your theological beliefs are similar enough for you to be considered equally yoked.

Understand, though, that not all Christians look or act alike. I don't know you or her, but her being "strict" doesn't make her any more of a Christian than you, but it can cause problems between you, from her believing that if you don't think and act exactly as she does you aren't Christian, to day to day living issues when (if) you're married, and on down to how to raise children and other big deal things.

Another thing to consider is that if she wants you to somehow prove your Christianity, you may not be able to do that to her satisfaction. You don't want it to become a bargaining chip, nor do you want to run the risk of partnering with someone who is going to want to see all sorts of proof of various important, intangible things. It's true that a good tree bears good fruit, but some people aren't happy with any fruit, no matter how good it is.

 

[DJG]

Thank you for your reply. I am painting a bad picture of my partner aren't I. She is wonderful and I adore her, I am probably just very poor at expressing myself orally.

Thanks.

D.

 

[stubbornkelly]

Oh, no! Like I said, I don't know her or you. I just wanted to plant some seeds for you to think about.