me and my husband has not been getting along very good latly i want to do counsiling but he dont he always talks to his ex girlfriends on line and on his cell phone and when i set by him when he is on the computer talking to his ex girlfriend and other girls he clicks it off so i cant see what they are talking about.if i ask he says it none of my buisness he will talk to them on his cell and go to a diffrent room so i cant here
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what do i do
- Thread starter sbailey
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searle29678
Wife, Daughter, Sister, and Friend
- Dec 14, 2004
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My advice on something like that is not very Christian like, so I won't put that here. I will pray for you and your husband to work this out. How long have you been married? When did he start doing this? Do you have any ideas as to why?
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Katydid
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So you married him, knowing he was like this? OK well, look at your other post and see what I put there, if that doesn't work, as I said in your other post, you need to start being more blunt, but first start with the nice way.
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heartnsoul
Don't settle for less than God's best!
Ok girlfriend, us women here on the forum would love to fight your battles for you, but unfortunately, it is appropriate for YOU only to handle this. I have to give all women the "benefit of the doubt"...so I believe you know what needs to be done. You can't just ignore his disrespect and insensitivity to your feelings. It's time for you to "call the cows home" so to speak. See my comments on your other thread.
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he was so sweet when we got married this didnt start until we got married i dont like devorce but sometimes i think i should but i cant because i love him to much he has a sweet side i just wish i could be like that again but he has changed totaly
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heartnsoul
Don't settle for less than God's best!
That's fine that you have feelings for him...but that still doesn't address the issues and problems in your marriage. Thinking and daydreaming about what "was" does not accomplish anything for the "present" circumstances. Currently the reality is ugly and you need work at resolving the problems of "today" in the hopes of building a better tomorrow. If you choose to ignore the problems, your life will always be in turmoil. Problems just don't go away magically. It starts out small and escalates into a big snowball later. Then, instead of having one problem to address, it becomes a bigger mess with mutiple problems. If you have time, read some of the other threads here and you will see what I mean.sbailey said:
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LynnMcG
A reflection of the Son
- Sep 20, 2004
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OK, first you said he was always like this, then you said he has changed totally - which is it? Was he liked this when you were married? Do you have the same values and goals? Have you talked about your concerns before? Does he know it's totally unexceptable to call and chat online with his exgirlfriends?! Would it be ok with him if you decided to look up your exboyfriends? not likely, I'm sure.
You need to lay down the law and don't be a door mat. I don't mean to be unkind, but this type of behavior needs to stop all together or it never will and it will get worse. Does he want to be your husband? What does that mean to him? What does he expect from you?
Also, check out the book "Boundaries in Marriage." If he won't go to counseling with you, this book will help you set up some guidelines.
Let us know how things are going though, OK? I'm praying for you sister.
You need to lay down the law and don't be a door mat. I don't mean to be unkind, but this type of behavior needs to stop all together or it never will and it will get worse. Does he want to be your husband? What does that mean to him? What does he expect from you?
Also, check out the book "Boundaries in Marriage." If he won't go to counseling with you, this book will help you set up some guidelines.
Let us know how things are going though, OK? I'm praying for you sister.
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his ex girlfrends live in okla homa we go there all the time he is in the navy he says he would never cheat and he says they just talk about stuff thats going on down in oklahoma we are in va but we go down there alot i think he is cheating to but im afraid to leave himLorie said:
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Katydid
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I don't mean to doubt your experiences, and he may very well be contemplating, but can we really say that outright without her even having evidence of this. Now, yes, the biblical definition of cheating, looking lustfully, may be occuring, but we don't even know that for a fact. Let's take a deep breath and go a little slower. If he absolutely refuses to discuss this after you try the nice way, then you go from there to being blunt. If even after you are blunt, he still does not budge, then you discuss going further, but you have to take things one step at a time.
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he was not like this whe i first met him he started this right when we got married he wont llet me talk on the phone or chat online unless he knows who it is he thinks i will cheat on him if i talk online or on the cell i wouldnt do that to him im not that i love him so i just chat online to make him mad cause he does it to me but i always chat with my mom or a reletive i have talk to one guy to see what he does bc he did it to me but thats when he started not letting me talk on the phone unless he knows who it was but i only did it bc he does and i was showing him how it feels
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i cant leave him if he is cheating cause he always says " babe i love you i would never cheat on you or hurt you if you leave me ill kill my self " thats why im afraid to leave him i dont want him hurt plus i love him so i cant leave him
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It is true I may be jumping to the end of the story.... but i hate to see someone be made the fool.. If she truly wants to change the way things are going isnt it best to know what you are dealing with???Katydid said:
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Katydid
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Yes, but more problems are caused by jumping to conclusions than are solved. I think a better way of putting it would be to say that you fear he MAY be cheating because of his behavior, without stating it as a definate, because it is definately a possibility. But, as of yet, it is not a fact that we are aware of.
If you find out he is cheating and he has no intention of changing then of course you can leave him. He can find comfort in one of his pursuits. The one you need to work on is you. You can't be dependant on someone who doesn't want you to be dependant on them. You have to ask if you truly believe he loves you in his actions. If not, then you need to truly face off with him and tell him that you need to work on this marriage. You are not glorifying God by staying in a loveless marriage. If he hasn't cheated yet, then now is the time to confront this head on and you cannot expect others to do it for you.
Why did you ask the question if you already have your mind made up not to change anything? I mean, you asked for advice, and that is a good first step, but then you are given advice and you make excuses for not following through with it. That will get you nowhere. Hon, you really need to decide if you want to fight for him or not. If you do, then you need to start, if not, then noone here is going to tell you exactly what you want to hear, there will always be an excuse not to follow the advice. You have to decide what you want to do before anyone can help you do it.
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