What are your thoughts?

[NoddaProbBob]

Recently I took part in group therapy through my therapist's office. I was fortunate enough to meet several women who were surviors of sexual abuse just as myself. I've been mulling this around in my head for a while and I haven't been able to come to a substantial answer for myself. One of the girls in the group shared, that as a result of her abuse she herself "did things" with a cousin of hers. I think she said she was around nine or ten and her cousin was like six. We were talking about guilt and shame and she mentioned that she felt very guilty and ashamed because of what she did with this other child. I asked her if she wouldn't mind sharing any more of this story because I hadn't been in that situation (of abusing another child) myself. She went on to say that as soon as she realized that it was wrong that she immediately stopped the behavior, even though her own abuse continued. And that ever since then she had struggled with guilt and shame, feeling like she was in fact an abuser.
After that, I didn't really know how to answer...I guess the overall question that looms is, what classifies a child, especially a young child, as an abuser? I know for me personally, I've struggled with this. My abuser was about two years older than I was, and when the abuse started, we were both young, I was about seven, and he would have been about nine. So I've often wondered, is he responsible for what he did? Because he was a child, does that negate what he did to me?
And as for the woman that I met, is she herself an abuser too? And if children cannot be abusers, then is she not an abuser?
I'm guess I'm just as confused as she is to be honest.
What are your thoughts?

 

[Johnnz]

At what age a person becomes fully accountible has vexed theologians from time to time.

Generally, a child pre puberty is more likely to be sexually curious than abusive. That's quite a normal curiosity. But if they have been abused, or exposed to something highly sexual and 'bad' it can be more difficult to assess in a younger child. Sexual abuse often sexualises and abused person, and their ongoing sexual activities, whatever they may be, become a cycle of indulgence, guilt and shame.

Hope this helps a bit.

John
NZ

 

[NoddaProbBob]

At what age a person becomes fully accountible has vexed theologians from time to time.

Generally, a child pre puberty is more likely to be sexually curious than abusive. That's quite a normal curiosity. But if they have been abused, or exposed to something highly sexual and 'bad' it can be more difficult to assess in a younger child. Sexual abuse often sexualises and abused person, and their ongoing sexual activities, whatever they may be, become a cycle of indulgence, guilt and shame.

Hope this helps a bit.

John
NZ

From the research I've done, yes it seems as if it is a recurring topic of debate. I guess the simplistic way to approach it, or at least what I've concluded, is that this is a very gray area. Whether or not an abused child who mirrors that behavior onto another child is considered a perpetrator should be determined on a case to case basis. It's so complex.

 

[raven1]

It depends on how the abuse was done. Was it abusive feeling and why? Mainly I think you have to ask yourself why you feel the need for it to be perceived as abusive. pm me if you like. I have sort of been where you are.

 

[Johnnz]

It is something we cannot know for sure. But we can trust the eventual judgement of God to be the correct one.

John
NZ

 

[paul1149]

I think the distinction that may help you is between sin and culpability. We may not be culpable for our sins at a certain age or maturity level, but they nonetheless are sins and carry consequences that must be dealt with. Paul puts it this way in Romans:

For the law brings wrath, but where there is no law there is no transgression. -rom 4.15
for sin indeed was in the world before the law was given, but sin is not imputed where there is no law. -rom 5.13
​

We tend to look for culpability and to assign neat labels, but that ultimately takes us nowhere. It's better to dwell in the reality of the forgiveness that leads to new life. We are not the children we once were, and we are no longer defined by the sins of our youth. Christ calls us out of our pasts and offers us a fresh start as new creations in Him.