The General Mental Health Forum is now a Read Only Forum. As we had two large areas making it difficult for many to find, we decided to combine the Mental Health & the Recovery sections of the forum into Mental Health & Recovery as a whole. Physical Health still remains as it's own area within the entire Recovery area.
If you are having struggles, need support in a particular area that you aren't finding a specific recovery area forum, you may find the General Struggles forum a great place to post. Any any that is related to emotions, self-esteem, insomnia, anger, relationship dynamics due to mental health and recovery and other issues that don't fit better in another forum would be examples of topics that might go there.
If you have spiritual issues related to a mental health and recovery issue, please use the Recovery Related Spiritual Advice forum. This forum is designed to be like Christian Advice, only for recovery type of issues. Recovery being like a family in many ways, allows us to support one another together. May you be blessed today and each day.
Kristen.NewCreation and FreeinChrist
I don't know about you but we have had a pleasant winter so far. I'm expecting that to change since there are nearly 2 more months left of Winter. Said a prayer for you.its supposed to blizzard pretty badly, starting at six tonight. just when i thought that maybe we could get a warm winter. the snow should go elsewhere, like the south. or canada. or minnesota.
I don't know about you but we have had a pleasant winter so far. I'm expecting that to change since there are nearly 2 more months left of Winter. Said a prayer for you.
I am doing well. I went to church and returned, then went shopping for groceries. The highlight of my day is that I bought different type of food. hahaha Not that much is going on with my life. I have to clean up my apartment though. I always miss the garbage days for recycling. I've been piling up trash. Yuck! Tomorrow, I am planning to throw out papers and metal cans. Then, day after tomorrow I am throwing out burnable trash. I like the idea of recycling waste but it is hard to separate the trash into categories. I feel fine otherwise. God is good to me.
I'm sick of everything, which is just sad because I have about as good of a life as one can have. I don't have any responsibilities that choose not to have, but I pray for God to kill me everyday. I wish he would just answer that prayer. Yet I'm afraid to die because I'm not sure if God will let me into heaven or not when I do. I feel exhausted everyday. I'm now working part time for my dad and going to school part time, but it just feels like too much responsibility. I used to work really hard and got into a top tier university, but I dropped out and now because of mental illness and depression I'm taking these pills that sap my strength and make it hard to do anything. It's probably part of the mental illness too. So far I'm doing ok in school because it only started two weeks ago and there hasn't been that much homework. I really have very little to complain about other than being several years behind in school and having mental illness and depression, but since I was diagnosed with mental illness I've been thinking about suicide everyday. I'm probably not going to do it anytime soon, but I'm tempted by the thought of it everyday. I just wonder how I'm going to handle anything in life in the future if I'm constantly fantasizing about suicide now when everything is fine.
It sounds as if you may need your meds adjusted by your doctor. I don't think they are working well for you IMHO. Everything is okay yet you think of suicide all the time. That's why I advise you to talk to your doctor about your meds. There have been times when my meds were doing me more harm than good and I thought of suicide often. Sometimes they can work on the wrong chemicals in the brain making us more depressed. Pleas talk to your doctor. Only trying to help. Said a prayer for you.
If you feel you are that close to suicide, get urgent help. I did, many times. Some of it worked.
Said a prayer for you. Not for you to die, but to be comforted and guided. You have plenty of love to give. I hope you you can turn the darkness into hope. And if you can't, because we are often powerless, give it to God, and let Him do it. It's alright to hope, it doesn't come with a catch.
Thanks for the prayer. I see a psychologist once a week, and talk to him about how I want to commit suicide all of the time. I used to hope that life would get better, and then i got schizophrenia. I haven't told my family in over a year about wanting to commit suicide everyday so they think I'm better. I guess I put my hope in the wrong thing. I should put my hope in God.
Do put your hope in Him. In time, you will only grow in that hope, if you hope in Him. He gives plenty, and unlike us, He doesn't turn His back or wander around. We can be distracted by many things, and we are even deceived by our own feelings, especially when we're suffering from mental illnesses. I certainly don't trust myself, I know how I am. I put my trust in God. Christ and the Spirit are my guides, and I can pray whenever I want.
I hope your psychologist knows how to handle his job well. If not, you might try another one, or get some other kind of treatment. I had to get plenty too, and try new things. Not to say that one should run from one thing to another, because these things take time and often some commitment, but sometimes a change can be good. You know best, not pushing anything on you.
You don't have to lie to your family. You don't necessarily have to say "I'm thinking of suicide daily", but just letting them know that you're not okay might help you, and even them. One can only lie for so long, and most of the time the people we lie to, they know what's going on, or at least suspect. So it might clear the table a little, and all of you could be a little closer. I know that you probably just don't want them to worry. I did that too. Eventually I had to tell my mother that I was a mess. Of course she got worried, but she'd been suspecting anyway, so now there was honesty and something to focus on, even for her. We became very close during those difficult years. And I have to admit that I needed her help. I couldn't have pulled through without her.
Hang on there, brother/sister, whichever you are! You are loved, even when you don't feel it.
I feel like everything is just a test from God and I'm just failing it anyways, so I might as well turn in sooner rather than later to keep from messing it up even more than I already have.
Well, you know your family better than me, naturally. Most of the time when we don't want to bother our close ones, is because we make choices for them, instead of understanding they're adults (at least the ones that are) who choose for themselves. And the more we do it, the more we get estranged, and the harder it seems to have that real, strong bond. I hope you keep things open enough, so that they might help you if you need it from them.
I don't believe God is a cruel trickster. “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Christ doesn't want to burden us. He reprimanded pharisees and others for putting burdens on people.
It's easy to think how we are being punished or messed around with, and not see it the other way: the opportunity to grow in spirit, turning to God, and put our pains and hopes in front of Him. The opportunity to humble ourselves - in a good way, not torturing ourselves or hating ourselves - and lose many of our pretenses. To start hoping again. To start laying our burdens down, one by one, and be stronger, little by little.
You're not a coward for not cutting yourself. I'm not a coward for not killing myself when I was in pain. I believe we can have planks in our eyes when we are judging ourselves too, not only when judging others. Hating ourselves doesn't make us more righteous, it doesn't make us better. It doesn't make us more honest (even if we cynically would like to think so). It only hurts us. Nothing good grows in it. Love, on the other hand, can grow plenty of things. No matter where it's sowed.
Many people who I've known or still know that have good, gentle hearts, have a tendency to hate themselves. It's a damn travesty, and it makes me sad. It's almost as if the enemy knows that those people have much love in their hearts, and tortures them into hating themselves, when it's unlikely they would hate anyone else. Then again, love suffers all. Those with no love don't suffer much, unless it's straightforward pain or discomfort. I don't know. Just thinking aloud at this point. It's not like I'm the wisest man on earth. So I give my prayers and hopes to Christ, to God. God knows what I don't, and loves where I can't.
I'll think about telling my family. My psychologist has been encouraging me to tell them too. You're right, it does estrange me from them, keeping it a secret. It's just I've always been burdening them something so I thought maybe this one I could handle on my own. I haven't committed suicide yet, or had an attempt. You're right, I can't help but feel like I'm being punished for getting schizophrenia, but who knows, maybe it's been a chance to grow. I'm a total coward. I'm afraid of everything. I can barely get in a car and drive it, and only when I have memorized the route already. I have always had trouble with judging others and myself. I just can't stop. I don't know, maybe i started hating myself because it made me feel better about myself. I'm not really sure anymore. I know I'm not supposed to hate, but it just seems like the hate is always there, someway and somehow. I know I really used to hate my mom, but I finally over years and after she changed got over it.
In other news, I finished Undertale's Pacifist route and am starting No Mercy. Part of me wants to use the characters real name but at the same time, not really.
Hate is easy, and it comes quickly. It's easy to hold on to it, because for people who suffer, it's something they know. Many of them do hate themselves. I still sometimes do, I just know to pray and/or read the comforting words of Christ and let it go, give it away. I won't let it control myself anymore. But I know how it feels. It's "reliable". I used to find comfort in that. For example: many who have been bullied, start to have themselves. They feel like they're on the "right side" doing so, more safe, and it can feel comforting. But it's always a lie, and easy to swallow. Hate starts to demand. It always starts to demand hurt. Love forgives, shows grace and mercy, comforts and grows.
I'm a coward too. If I have to drive in a city, I become a nerve wreck. So I don't do it. I'm afraid of confronting strangers. I'm afraid of stepping out of my comfort zone. I'm afraid of plenty of things. But I'm not a coward for not killing myself years ago. I was resilient, even though back then I would've laughed at that statement. I was carried, even if I didn't know it. I'm also not a coward for not acting on the stupidest impulses to hurt myself of others.
God didn't punish me with my illness, He helped me. I cried on my knees like a dead man, praying. And I thought He didn't hear me. Now I know He did.
God didn't punish my late aunt with her condition, she was severely handicapped through her whole life. It's just the way it was. I don't know why. DNA, bad luck. Not a punishment.
We got a savior, not a punisher or a mindless torturer. None of us can stand otherwise. He gave Himself for us, and He knows all of us, all the time. That is perfect love. We just have to accept it. And if we don't have the faith to accept or understand it, we pray for it. Like the tax collector in the temple. He didn't even know how to pray, he was ashamed, but he still asked for mercy. And Christ loved him. It's the heart that counts, where our treasure is. Not what we can do.
Our actions leave a lot to be desired. If we could achieve all the wisdoms and loves of God, we wouldn't have needed Christ in the first place. So God decided to give us His only Son, and give His love and grace freely. None of us are better than the other. I am not better than you. All of us get that love, undeserved, in grace. That is perfect love. We find it hard to understand, because we don't love like that. God is love. Perfect love.
I've embraced my weaknesses over the past years. I know I'm weak. Pitiful, in many cases. And I can live with it now. I'm stronger because of it. Life can now throw the things that broke me in the first place at my face, even double the amount, and I will stand. I feel more free than ever. I can also love better now. Because I have finally started to believe God's love. And I didn't do anything, God did. He taught me, slowly, gently. I had many doubts, still do, but that love always comes around to take them away.
I didn't do anything. I just endured. Sometimes we just have to endure. And in the process, we learn to be patient. Suffering does that. Much like courage - there is no courage where there isn't fear. We also learn to surrender ourselves in a good way to God. No traps, no catches. It is good to put our faith and trust in Him. Because I know He will stand forever in truth and love, whereas I am nothing and I only stubmle. And I don't even say that like I hate myself.
Praying for comfort and love to come your way. In time. Hang on in there.
I've played Warframe. I'm hooked. You be a yellow girl with a striped shirt, I'll be a SPACE NINJA. IN SPACE.
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