What Are My Options?

[whichwaytogo]

I've been reading some of the other threads in this section but, I hoping to find some confirmation on something. My ex and I divorced a year and half ago after 11 years of marriage. I didn't want a divorce but my ex said she was unhappy. We attempted counseling but, she was still unhappy. I only agreed to the divorce since she would have filed for divorce anyway.

No abuse or infidelity was present in the marriage and we are both Christians.

From what is said in Matthew 5 and 19 and 1 Cor 7, I know that our divorce didn't fall under the conditions specified in these chapters and thus, remarrying for either one of us would be tantamount to committing adultery. Knowing this, I figure I'll have to stay single the rest of my life to honor the original vows we made before God. I would want to do this because my faith in Him remains strong and has the one thing holding me together in these tough times.

However, my ex started dating someone early last year and I know they are having a physical relationship. She has already mentioned about moving in with him and I wouldn't be surprised if she ends up marrying him eventually.

My question is, if she does end up marrying him, does that give me the option to remarry again? Not that I looking to get involved with anybody and quite frankly, I'm too much an emotional wreck to even consider it but, I was wondering what options, if any, become available to me? If I still need to remain single and celibate, I will wholeheartedly do this for the Lord but, I can't seem to find a definitive answer to my question. Thanks!

Pete

 

[tryingtobeagain]

I would say that she's already committed adultery if she's entered into another relationship.

 

[FLANDIDLYANDERS]

Agreed. You are no longer bound to her.

 

[whichwaytogo]

Thanks for your replies. I guess I getting hung up on the exact wording from Matthew 19:9 that says, "whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality and marries another, commits adultery"

No adultery had taken place by the time of the divorce so by agreeing to the divorce under these circumstances, I'll be committing adultery if I ever remarry no matter what my ex does after the fact. Does that make any sense? Again, I'm not trying to be legalistic and looking for an "out clause." I just want to make sure I do what is right before the Lord.

Again, thanks for your quick replies.

Pete

 

[FLANDIDLYANDERS]

Have you considered "Without love I am nothing but a hollow bell or rusty gate"?

1 Corinthinas explores love, without love there aint no marrage. Love on both sides, that is.

 

[deliciousBass]

Hmmm...... what everyone else said, she has committed adultery so you are free to remarry..but that's not what I'm worried about...

I don't mean to pry, but why are you an emotional wreck? Maybe its the terminology you used but it sounds like you've really had a tough time coping--even a year and a half after the divorce was final you described yourself as an emotional wreck. Anyway, hope you're doing something about that like going to counseling, therapy, etc.

 

[whichwaytogo]

No you are not prying. It is a valid question and I appreciate you asking. I guess I was exaggerating a tad bit. It has been a hard time the past year and a half as I didn't want the divorce. I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with this woman after we celebrated our ten year wedding anniversary three months prior to her telling me she wanted a divorce. We sold the beautiful house we saved up for and watched her begin a relationship with another man. Meanwhile I had to move twice within a year, put down two family pets at the vet and endure layoffs at my work.

I adopted her son 11 years ago and he spends half his time with me so I have to have almost daily contact with her as we coordinate our activities and support payments. It probably would have been easier if we didn't have any contact at all and just have him live with me.

However, I glad to say that the after enduring what seem a downward spiral for the past 18 months, I feel I've been able to "pull the nose up" and level off. This is huge for I feel I can breath agin. I have a ways to go but, at least I'm moving in the right direction. I've started reading the Bible everyday which I haven't done for years and recommitted to myself to Him.

I actually developed a nice friendship with someone at work and though there is no romantic interest here, this has caused me to think whether or not I have the option to date and perhaps find a lifelong partner again. I just want to do the right thing so this is why I posted this question. Thanks for the responses, I will consider your opinions as I hopefully move forward with my life.

Pete

 

[AliOgg]

I've been reading some of the other threads in this section but, I hoping to find some confirmation on something. My ex and I divorced a year and half ago after 11 years of marriage. I didn't want a divorce but my ex said she was unhappy. We attempted counseling but, she was still unhappy. I only agreed to the divorce since she would have filed for divorce anyway.

No abuse or infidelity was present in the marriage and we are both Christians.

From what is said in Matthew 5 and 19 and 1 Cor 7, I know that our divorce didn't fall under the conditions specified in these chapters and thus, remarrying for either one of us would be tantamount to committing adultery. Knowing this, I figure I'll have to stay single the rest of my life to honor the original vows we made before God. I would want to do this because my faith in Him remains strong and has the one thing holding me together in these tough times.

However, my ex started dating someone early last year and I know they are having a physical relationship. She has already mentioned about moving in with him and I wouldn't be surprised if she ends up marrying him eventually.

My question is, if she does end up marrying him, does that give me the option to remarry again? Not that I looking to get involved with anybody and quite frankly, I'm too much an emotional wreck to even consider it but, I was wondering what options, if any, become available to me? If I still need to remain single and celibate, I will wholeheartedly do this for the Lord but, I can't seem to find a definitive answer to my question. Thanks!

Pete

a difficult question, my situation is different so the only advice I can give is Pray and read the Word

And God Bless All His Peoples.