What about the kids?

[By Grace]

My DH and I left our local church about a year and a half ago, and haven't been back since. We've visited several others in our area, hoping to find something that met our needs better, but I just have a problem with the format of today's churches. Corporate worship has the potential of being a truly wonderful experience, esp. with a few hundred other people who are worshipping alongside you, but when the band up front is so loud I can't hear my own voice, I'm surprised they don't charge admission at the door.

I very much want to be a part of a home church, and if I can't find one nearby, I'm willing to start one. But one of my biggest concerns is how to include my young children in whatever the home group does. I don't like the format of most churches, where children are (necessarily) sent out of the group for separate activities, so the adults can concentrate on "adult" things. It seems that one of the biggest advantages of a home group would be that the activites could be adapted so that the children are just as interested and involved as anyone else. But I guess I've been so "programmed" that kids don't belong in church, that I'm having a hard time envisioning what this would look like.

Does anyone have any suggestions or success stories? Please keep in mind that my kids are very young--2 and 3 1/2. They, like most toddlers/preschoolers, don't like sitting still listening to someone else talk for very long. They have to be involved and active in order to keep their attention. How do you involve a 2 yo and a 32 yo and a 62 yo in the same activities, and keep everyone interested and challenged at the same time???

TIA,
Jill

 

[BenAdam]

My suggestion:

Don't "do church". Meet like you would with friends, share, love, eat, sing, teach each other. By default you will engage your children, just as you might having family over for thanksgiving or christmas. Do BBQ in the warm months and have a lawn party, talk, eat, share, love, etc.

 

[GK]

Agreeing with the above, I have two quick thoughts.

Kids learn by watching what others (parents, other adults, older kids) do, even when it doesn't look like they're paying attention.

Teach your parents how to teach their children. Primary religious education of children doesn't have to happen "at church" but could/should happen at home.

 

[plum]

My DH and I left our local church about a year and a half ago, and haven't been back since. We've visited several others in our area, hoping to find something that met our needs better, but I just have a problem with the format of today's churches. Corporate worship has the potential of being a truly wonderful experience, esp. with a few hundred other people who are worshipping alongside you, but when the band up front is so loud I can't hear my own voice, I'm surprised they don't charge admission at the door.

I very much want to be a part of a home church, and if I can't find one nearby, I'm willing to start one. But one of my biggest concerns is how to include my young children in whatever the home group does. I don't like the format of most churches, where children are (necessarily) sent out of the group for separate activities, so the adults can concentrate on "adult" things. It seems that one of the biggest advantages of a home group would be that the activites could be adapted so that the children are just as interested and involved as anyone else. But I guess I've been so "programmed" that kids don't belong in church, that I'm having a hard time envisioning what this would look like.

Does anyone have any suggestions or success stories? Please keep in mind that my kids are very young--2 and 3 1/2. They, like most toddlers/preschoolers, don't like sitting still listening to someone else talk for very long. They have to be involved and active in order to keep their attention. How do you involve a 2 yo and a 32 yo and a 62 yo in the same activities, and keep everyone interested and challenged at the same time???

TIA,
Jill

i don't know if this sounds reasonable... but here it goes...

here is a format outline that might help things (even though i'm not a big follow-the-format kind of girl):
big all-family gathering in a central area where the kids can mingle around with the adults. perhaps there can be a special prayer time over the kids (like the blessings over the children on Erev Shabbat). When I was young my mother would bless me in a similar fashion and I would help pass out the "elements" such as bread or wine. I could blow out any candles we used or hold the prayer book in front of my father as he read from it. these are all good ways to bring the child(ren) into the activity you may be having..

also, say you sing songs or share testimonies as a group... no need to leave the wee ones out of this time. why not have them clap along or dance. We used to use maracas and rattles and tambourines in our home worship. Talk about fun for the kids

Perhaps if there is an extended amount of time spent in prayer or teaching... the young ones could play with their toys on the floor or go do a craft within sight of the adults.

don't know if this will spawn any ideas for you, but I pray you get that home congregation started and enjoy every blessed minute of it! Where do you live? I'll join!

 

[By Grace]

Teach your parents how to teach their children. Primary religious education of children doesn't have to happen "at church" but could/should happen at home.

ITA that children should be taught at home--not just religious education, but secular education, too! My plans at the moment are to continue homeschooling all the way through...

BenAdam, we tried something just along those lines not too long ago. We invited a couple over for dinner whom we had just met a few weeks before. They are Christian counselors who just moved to the area, and they have experience planting churches, though this time I think they're just wanting to be a part of a small home group. My mom drove in to meet them, too, and we spent a lot of time through the evening sharing over dinner. It worked great for us, except the girls are so young that they were not at all interested in the conversation. They played computer games or played with toys. Which is fine, except one of us nearly always had to be in close physical proximity to them for whatever reason (Daddy, color with me! Mommy, I need to go potty! etc, etc...) and therefore away from the conversation. I kept wanting a way to let them be involved somehow, but I guess that's just not possible when the conversation is so serious. (And at some points, it would have been inappropriate for them to hear what was being said.)

If we had done worship time, like MissJu suggested, that would have been good for involving them, which we didn't do even though there were two experienced guitar players and one novice guitar player in the group. If we had additional people there, especially someone else with kids, that would have been good, too...

Still considering...

BTW, I'm in NE Georgia if anyone else is nearby!

Thanks, everyone!

 

[Johnnz]

Children just are part of what we do. Sometimes they stay with us. Other times they will just play with each other. We always have a meal togther. We all relate to each other then and children are included in our conversations and interactions. An adult may play with them, or ask them about something.

We want 'going to church' to be a good experience for them.

John
NZ

 

[mythrainbow]

Sounds right to me I like the craft idea.
Maybe if you know what your discussion/study will be about you can also prepare visuals/craft ahead of time that the kids can concentrate on while the adults take things a step further. That way the still are concentrating on the same subject and can still interact with the adults and hear and see how christians should interact with each other.

Maybe even a short video clip to catch the kids attention then move into discussion. Dude I wish there was a home church in my area.

 

[GK]

Unless you live in a town of under 400 and know every person well, chances are good there's a homechurch near you.

And if there isn't, find some like minded blokes/blokettes and start one.

 

[discernomatic]

I agree with BenAdam, too. I can't give any advice, am just getting started with a home group myself. I just read an online book though, called "So You Don't Want to Go to Church Anymore" by Wayne Jacobsen. I wrote a review: http://www.jamesfive19.com/Review,_So_You_Don't_Want_to_Go_to_Church_Anymore,_by_Wayne_Jacobsen.htmlOne of the characters in the book tries to start a home church and the suggestions of another character as to how the children should be integrated seemed doable. The church group my parents meet with functions along those lines, when they meet in a home the children are integrated well and behave well enough to need little supervision when they play together, the older ones take care of the younger ones. When they meet in a building the children sit next to their parents the whole time and behave - babies excepted, they still had to be carried around sometimes.

 

[heffalump_hunter]

I wish I had found threads and supports like these years ago!

 

[Bobber]

I wish I had found threads and supports like these years ago!

I think this is a question which the answer depends on the situation...are there lots of children and are they causing maybe too much desruption..some house churches believe in having someone do a spiritual time in another room with them and others do not....here a good article by Dan Trotter that you might find very interesting....What To Do With Children....


www.geocities.com/Athens/Academy/8395/kids.html

 

[FLANDIDLYANDERS]

We hold a few meetings (not that they really should be called that) in local Kids Play Zones or we have communion "Happy Meals" despite mcdonalds being downright evil.

 

[discernomatic]

I took a look at Bobber's link. The article itself has great advice concerning kids, I think. Dan Trotter mentions how those in the early church dealt with them, they were not an anomaly. It occurred to me that at least the converted Jews were already used to ritual in the home, and the children took part in it and were used to behaving well (I would think) or these family rituals would not have been possible. The children were fully integrated and did participate. The rest of the site is in some ways too conservative for my taste (didn't like the way he deals with the spiritually abused in an article about Apostles and some other views). Just my opinion.

 

[discernomatic]

Flandidly, have you tried Chuck-E-Cheese? The last time I took my kids to one of those was a while back when we visited the States, don't know if they have any where you live. The decibel level was amazing, could be compared to the larger MacDonalds play zones in the US. There is a reason that they are walled off from the rest of the restaurant. I have not seen such a large play zone here, but the noise level is still up there.
Do you guys divide french-fries instead of bread or was the word communion only applying to the gathering? Just curious.

 

[whatseekye]

here a good article by Dan Trotter that you might find very interesting....What To Do With Children....

www.geocities.com/Athens/Academy/8395/kids.html

For some reason, the title of this article (What to do with children) reminds me of this w.c. fields quote:

"Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender."
- W.C. Fields

Pardon my intrusion on the thread. Although I currently attend a church, I am interested in the idea of starting a home church. And I do have one kid, so I was curious about what others are doing to include them.

 

[discernomatic]

"Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender."
- W.C. Fields

ROFL!

 

[FLANDIDLYANDERS]

Flandidly, have you tried Chuck-E-Cheese? The last time I took my kids to one of those was a while back when we visited the States, don't know if they have any where you live. The decibel level was amazing, could be compared to the larger MacDonalds play zones in the US. There is a reason that they are walled off from the rest of the restaurant. I have not seen such a large play zone here, but the noise level is still up there.
Do you guys divide french-fries instead of bread or was the word communion only applying to the gathering? Just curious.

SuperHero Kids Meal... so we talked about in what ways Jesus could be called a SuperHero and coloured in some super hero pictures - small groups, 6 or so kids per table, led by parents.

Just enuf content to make sense, not too much too look like a cult just took over macky-dees!

 

[discernomatic]

SuperHero Kids Meal... so we talked about in what ways Jesus could be called a SuperHero and coloured in some super hero pictures - small groups, 6 or so kids per table, led by parents.

Just enuf content to make sense, not too much too look like a cult just took over macky-dees!

I'm sure my kids would like something like that, as long as we would only do it every so often I could live with it. Do other kids get interested too and want to participate or at least listen in? That would be the goal wouldn't it?

 

[icbeckyc]

I can understand your situation. When I left a church one thing I didn't like was the fact that the kids were expected to do Sunday School and then when the family went to church they were to go off to "childrens church", which was really Sunday School again. I was on the Christian Ed committee at the time and kept trying to give different suggestions. After a long discussion with the head of CE I was told that they were not going to go to the service it would be mandatory for all children through 5th grade had to stay in childrens church, no exception. That was the final draw and we left.

Our new church now has a wonderful Pastor. He doesn't want the kids to leave after the children message time. There is a nursery for the infants and if you want to put your child back there you can. Most don't once they are big enough to sit in the pews they come out of the nursery.

Kids may not seem to like they are listening, but they always are. They just don't always react to the what they hear the way we think they should.

I always had my kidos stand and sing or stand during prayers and the bible reading, then they could sit and color. This I let them do till about 3rd grade. At that point they were to participate in everything but if they wanted to color during the sermon they could. Once they hit 5th grade I expect them to be fully engaged in the service. We have acolytes (around 3rd or 4th grade) and when they are in 5th grade they can help with the collections. The little ones look forward to being a big kid. For the most part there isn't any interuptions. It just takes stepping them into it and giving them examples on how to behave and show them how important church is.

 

[christandisrael]

My DH and I left our local church about a year and a half ago, and haven't been back since. We've visited several others in our area, hoping to find something that met our needs better, but I just have a problem with the format of today's churches. Corporate worship has the potential of being a truly wonderful experience, esp. with a few hundred other people who are worshipping alongside you, but when the band up front is so loud I can't hear my own voice, I'm surprised they don't charge admission at the door.

I very much want to be a part of a home church, and if I can't find one nearby, I'm willing to start one. But one of my biggest concerns is how to include my young children in whatever the home group does. I don't like the format of most churches, where children are (necessarily) sent out of the group for separate activities, so the adults can concentrate on "adult" things. It seems that one of the biggest advantages of a home group would be that the activites could be adapted so that the children are just as interested and involved as anyone else. But I guess I've been so "programmed" that kids don't belong in church, that I'm having a hard time envisioning what this would look like.

Does anyone have any suggestions or success stories? Please keep in mind that my kids are very young--2 and 3 1/2. They, like most toddlers/preschoolers, don't like sitting still listening to someone else talk for very long. They have to be involved and active in order to keep their attention. How do you involve a 2 yo and a 32 yo and a 62 yo in the same activities, and keep everyone interested and challenged at the same time???

TIA,
Jill

Pray about it. What you can't do, Christ will do for you!!