Wow. God truly is good, isn't He?
Today we sat down with the kids and told them of our plans to divorce. Their immediate response was to cry, which is completely expected. Our oldest son got angry a little bit, and that's expected too. We gave them the room to say, ask, feel, and react whichever way they wanted. Nothing was off-limits. And they showed the most amazing maturity and grace I have ever seen in people that young. Praise God for his Grace!
Shortly after, I had to go out and pick up a book my daughter had ordered from our local Christian Bookstore. While I was there, I asked the clerk if they had any books directed toward children affected by divorce. She said they only had two, one was for a rather younger age group, and the other was for teens. Those were on a discount table, $2 each. I got each of my kids one. When I brought them home, each of the kids gratefully accepted theirs and I think that at this hour, each of them has at least started to read it. My youngest son is electing to read his toward his required reading credit at school. Praise God for His provision!
After dinner, I was stunned by the ease with which my husband's admission of infidelity happened.
Yes, you read that right, he acknowledged having cheated. What happened was this: he was looking online for information on Canadian divorce laws, and found a government site that outlined some basics: how to apply for divorce, who could apply, what grounds were required, that kind of thing. Under the topic of "reasons" he found three answers, one was if you and your spouse have lived separate and apart for one year with the idea that your marriage is over; the second one was if your spouse has committed adultery and you have not forgiven your spouse; and the third was if your spouse has been physically or mentally cruel to you, making it unbearable to continue living together. He kinda chuckled and pointed to them and said I could just choose one, I just stood back and looked at him and said, "Thank you." Praise God for His gentleness!!
I thanked him for acknowledging what he had done, and what he realized that I had seen in his emails. I thanked him for his honesty, I thanked him for respecting my dignity. We started to just talk like adults. We talked a little bit about details, and he simply confirmed what I had suspected. I nodded and just let him offer his apologies. I can't say I have forgiven him, but I appreciated his remorse for it. We talked openly and honestly about when, who, to some degrees how and why. He openly and freely admits that they were errors in judgment, he got a little teary and simply offered "I'm sorry for betraying you". I gratefully accepted his apology. I have absolutely no anger toward him anymore. That's the most unbelievably peaceful feeling in all of this. I have to admit, regardless what he did and what choices he made, he still has a strong character. He still respects and cares for me and my welfare. He still feels contrition for his failures, he is still actually what I could call a good man. His lapses of better judgment do not cancel out the good and honest qualities of a repentant heart. Praise God for His restoration!
I have surprised I think both of us by how I have responded. I have not screamed, yelled, thrown anything, or sworn at him. I can't change what has been done, nor what the consequences need to be. He fully accepts that the consequences are a result of HIS choices. I apologized for the hurt I caused hacking his email to get the letters. I apologized for whatever failures I had shown as his wife to cause him to be tempted to go outside our marriage for comfort. No, that does not in any way excuse what he did, but I do have to accept responsibility for whatever part I had in the breakdown of our marriage, even in this. We both understand that there will be restitution to be paid in the way of alimony, but we've committed to being civil and agreeable about that. Praise God for His faithfulness!
While I type this, he is drafting a couple of emails to be sent to our immediate families and to our friends, telling everyone about what is going to be happening here. We are choosing not to tell either of our sets of parents about his infidelity for the immediate future. My parents, because my mom is already poisoned against him, and this will just make her even worse. His parents, because his mother's emotional state is already somewhat fragile, and his dad's health is not good. Someday he may choose to confess to them, but that's his choice to make, his story to tell, not mine. I offered to not tell my best friend, which is a rather big thing, because she has been through this, but these two scrap like cats and dogs. She is a rather emotionally unstable person, and even I am afraid of how she'll latch on to this and use it to grind him to dirt any way she can.
I told him that I had already told a couple of close friends, and one mentor. He considered who it was I had told, and accepted that they were reasonable choices for emotional support. He requested that I not tell everyone I know (I know, as I post this on a public message board
Just as our 12 year old daughter was getting ready to go to bed tonight, she came out and shocked me down to my socks. She said, "You know, in spite of what happened this morning, it's been a good day. You know what I wrote on my whiteboard in my room? I wrote 'be happy - NOW' ". She explained that her thoughts are this: just be happy - even in the bad things, try to find something to be happy about. If you can't, go ahead and put the happiness aside for a short while, until you get the bad resolved, then put that away, and get back to being happy. I told her we can do this Bad Thing with dignity and self-respect. Hubby and I have an opportunity to evidence to our kids how to resolve a crisis with maturity. Even in this unhappy outcome, we can show the fruit of the Spirit. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness . . . . Praise God for His faithfulness!
Guys, I am so humbled by God's peace and grace on us this entire day. I'm so amazed how He has covered this entire day with peace and comfort. As I read back I shake my head at how responsible we have been toward each other, and how maturely we've approached this. It makes me want to apologize for my outbursts in the past few days. SO not worth it.
Praise God for His greatness! Praise Him for His care!! He is the God of healing and renewal. His peace passes all our understanding.
Today we sat down with the kids and told them of our plans to divorce. Their immediate response was to cry, which is completely expected. Our oldest son got angry a little bit, and that's expected too. We gave them the room to say, ask, feel, and react whichever way they wanted. Nothing was off-limits. And they showed the most amazing maturity and grace I have ever seen in people that young. Praise God for his Grace!
Shortly after, I had to go out and pick up a book my daughter had ordered from our local Christian Bookstore. While I was there, I asked the clerk if they had any books directed toward children affected by divorce. She said they only had two, one was for a rather younger age group, and the other was for teens. Those were on a discount table, $2 each. I got each of my kids one. When I brought them home, each of the kids gratefully accepted theirs and I think that at this hour, each of them has at least started to read it. My youngest son is electing to read his toward his required reading credit at school. Praise God for His provision!
After dinner, I was stunned by the ease with which my husband's admission of infidelity happened.
Yes, you read that right, he acknowledged having cheated. What happened was this: he was looking online for information on Canadian divorce laws, and found a government site that outlined some basics: how to apply for divorce, who could apply, what grounds were required, that kind of thing. Under the topic of "reasons" he found three answers, one was if you and your spouse have lived separate and apart for one year with the idea that your marriage is over; the second one was if your spouse has committed adultery and you have not forgiven your spouse; and the third was if your spouse has been physically or mentally cruel to you, making it unbearable to continue living together. He kinda chuckled and pointed to them and said I could just choose one, I just stood back and looked at him and said, "Thank you." Praise God for His gentleness!!
I thanked him for acknowledging what he had done, and what he realized that I had seen in his emails. I thanked him for his honesty, I thanked him for respecting my dignity. We started to just talk like adults. We talked a little bit about details, and he simply confirmed what I had suspected. I nodded and just let him offer his apologies. I can't say I have forgiven him, but I appreciated his remorse for it. We talked openly and honestly about when, who, to some degrees how and why. He openly and freely admits that they were errors in judgment, he got a little teary and simply offered "I'm sorry for betraying you". I gratefully accepted his apology. I have absolutely no anger toward him anymore. That's the most unbelievably peaceful feeling in all of this. I have to admit, regardless what he did and what choices he made, he still has a strong character. He still respects and cares for me and my welfare. He still feels contrition for his failures, he is still actually what I could call a good man. His lapses of better judgment do not cancel out the good and honest qualities of a repentant heart. Praise God for His restoration!
I have surprised I think both of us by how I have responded. I have not screamed, yelled, thrown anything, or sworn at him. I can't change what has been done, nor what the consequences need to be. He fully accepts that the consequences are a result of HIS choices. I apologized for the hurt I caused hacking his email to get the letters. I apologized for whatever failures I had shown as his wife to cause him to be tempted to go outside our marriage for comfort. No, that does not in any way excuse what he did, but I do have to accept responsibility for whatever part I had in the breakdown of our marriage, even in this. We both understand that there will be restitution to be paid in the way of alimony, but we've committed to being civil and agreeable about that. Praise God for His faithfulness!
While I type this, he is drafting a couple of emails to be sent to our immediate families and to our friends, telling everyone about what is going to be happening here. We are choosing not to tell either of our sets of parents about his infidelity for the immediate future. My parents, because my mom is already poisoned against him, and this will just make her even worse. His parents, because his mother's emotional state is already somewhat fragile, and his dad's health is not good. Someday he may choose to confess to them, but that's his choice to make, his story to tell, not mine. I offered to not tell my best friend, which is a rather big thing, because she has been through this, but these two scrap like cats and dogs. She is a rather emotionally unstable person, and even I am afraid of how she'll latch on to this and use it to grind him to dirt any way she can.
I told him that I had already told a couple of close friends, and one mentor. He considered who it was I had told, and accepted that they were reasonable choices for emotional support. He requested that I not tell everyone I know (I know, as I post this on a public message board
Just as our 12 year old daughter was getting ready to go to bed tonight, she came out and shocked me down to my socks. She said, "You know, in spite of what happened this morning, it's been a good day. You know what I wrote on my whiteboard in my room? I wrote 'be happy - NOW' ". She explained that her thoughts are this: just be happy - even in the bad things, try to find something to be happy about. If you can't, go ahead and put the happiness aside for a short while, until you get the bad resolved, then put that away, and get back to being happy. I told her we can do this Bad Thing with dignity and self-respect. Hubby and I have an opportunity to evidence to our kids how to resolve a crisis with maturity. Even in this unhappy outcome, we can show the fruit of the Spirit. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness . . . . Praise God for His faithfulness!
Guys, I am so humbled by God's peace and grace on us this entire day. I'm so amazed how He has covered this entire day with peace and comfort. As I read back I shake my head at how responsible we have been toward each other, and how maturely we've approached this. It makes me want to apologize for my outbursts in the past few days. SO not worth it.
Praise God for His greatness! Praise Him for His care!! He is the God of healing and renewal. His peace passes all our understanding.