Well, how do I say this?

[Johnnybabe]

I hate myself. And chances are, you will too by the end of this post. But I don't blame you, I hate me too.

I can't remember how it started, only that I was 12 or 13 at the time. I guess I'd just had a rough day and wondered if I deserved it. I suppose only a truly despicable person deserves to be bullied, right?

I was always bullied at that age. If not for my long hair, then for my love of Star Trek. If not for Trek, then for the heavy reading. If not for the heavy reading, then for where I live. It was always something. And, I suppose, it was relentless in a way.

I still do get bullied--I haven't completed school yet. But I don't care. I just want to end.

So I question my faith. If God is real, wouldn't he protect me from this? If he doesn't, why does it matter if I cease to exist? I'm just one person.

I dunno. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore.

 

[Catherineanne]

I hate myself. And chances are, you will too by the end of this post. But I don't blame you, I hate me too.

I can't remember how it started, only that I was 12 or 13 at the time. I guess I'd just had a rough day and wondered if I deserved it. I suppose only a truly despicable person deserves to be bullied, right?

I was always bullied at that age. If not for my long hair, then for my love of Star Trek. If not for Trek, then for the heavy reading. If not for the heavy reading, then for where I live. It was always something. And, I suppose, it was relentless in a way.

I still do get bullied--I haven't completed school yet. But I don't care. I just want to end.

So I question my faith. If God is real, wouldn't he protect me from this? If he doesn't, why does it matter if I cease to exist? I'm just one person.

I dunno. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore.

I certainly don't hate you, Johnny; far from it.

Sometimes life is inexplicably difficult, and very often it is beyond our strength. Don't listen to anyone who says it is never too much for us; sometimes it is God protects us from some of it, but by no means all. When it is difficult for me I remember these words by St Francis of Assissi:

First do what is necessary, then do what is possible. Then you will have done the impossible.

So, what you are supposed to do today, this moment, is to begin with what is necessary to be done. Nothing more, just yet. You decide what that means; get up, get dressed, eat, wash, whatever you decide. If none of that is necessary today, then stay in bed until it is.

I would strongly recommend that you consider going to Church on Sunday as part of what is necessary to your faith. It is certainly necessary to mine, and it helps a lot to recognise that. If you do go, try to find someone who is struggling and help them. That is how we find the resilience to carry on ourselves.

God be with you.

 

[1watchman]

You sound very much like so many young people I have known with a poor experience in growing up ---maybe at home and at school (you can see my profile about this).

Your perceptions are likely due to a poor self-image as a beginning, and that becomes rejection when you act it out in public. People like to see one who is at least not projecting a attitude of dislike, anger, disagreements, etc. to others. They do not deserve that.

Try to not think about self so much, and don't pretend to be something to get attention; and think about people around you who are also hurting. Maybe you can encourage them. Avoid those who don't accept you (but don't react to them), and keep smiling in a pleasant way as you go forth.

This may sound simplistic, but believe me it will prove profitable in many ways. Look up and make the Lord your best friend --He cares!

 

[Johnnybabe]

Your perceptions are likely due to a poor self-image as a beginning, and that becomes rejection when you act it out in public. People like to see one who is at least not projecting a attitude of dislike, anger, disagreements, etc. to others. They do not deserve that.

Funny how quickly you assume that I act like this in public. If you think this, then you are very much mistaken...I'm incredibly friendly in public. It doesn't matter how I act, haters are going to hate.

Try to not think about self so much, and don't pretend to be something to get attention; and think about people around you who are also hurting. Maybe you can encourage them. Avoid those who don't accept you (but don't react to them), and keep smiling in a pleasant way as you go forth.

Again, another false assumption. Everything I do in the real world is for my parents. If I can't do something for myself here, then where else can I? Am I supposed to be just another robotic personality walking down the street? Would this please you?

This may sound simplistic, but believe me it will prove profitable in many ways. Look up and make the Lord your best friend --He cares!

"Let's wrap this up with something Biblical so that I don't look like I'm totally up myself." Don't you think I've already tried this?

 

[AWorkInProgress]

Hello Johnnybabe,

I'm sorry to hear the suffering you are going through. Both in life and in your heart.

Have you ever heard of this saying?

"What you repeatedly hear, you will eventually believe."

Starts with questions as to why people keep hunting(bullying) me? After being called idiot or loser so many times, the heart begins to question oneself. Not long later, mistakes or failures that one experiences start to sound like proof. Now seeds of evil take root in the heart, and that person is in anguish because of self hatred. Self confidence fades and suffering becomes a daily part of living.

Johnny, the devil has lied to you. Your heart is believing that lie, and that lie is destroying you from the inside out. You are a bright young man, with a great purpose placed inside of you. Don't let other peoples lies tear down the beauty within you.

 

[frozen pond]

hey, Johnny, Im sorry you have gone through this in your life. People can be so cruel and no fault of your own. Here, youd be so cool with your love of star trek and yes, even your long hair. Kids think those things are so cool here. I guess it is all depending on where you live and no matter what you do, seems theres always a group of bullies around the corner at school. I dont know why god allows us to go through certain things in this life and i know it can be overwhelming at times. But he is with us every step of the way and he loves you. try and finish school if you can. it will be over be for you know it and if you really really dodnt want to be there, look into getting a guaranteed diploma at home. here it is called a ged.pray when you can. let god know how you feel. hang in there. I will be praying for you.

 

[opengate07]

Hi Johnny,

You may have your own opinions about certain things, but you have people here that care and love you (me included). I know we have not all met face to face, but we know in your heart you have a gentleness about you. People can be cruel no matter what the situation and if people are confronting you just for the sake of confronting you then maybe it's your uniqueness they are threatened by. You are not alone my friend, you have Heavenly Father that watches over you and friends here that are always will to listen and reach out when times get rough.
Gof Bless my hrother.
Tom

 

[If Not For Grace]

If we are to believe in good we must also believe in evil. God does not prevent evil from coming into our lives, but He does promise to see us through it.

First you have identified the problem that is bullying. GFY, now remove the blame from yourself. There will always be people who put others down for no good reason. somehow this makes them feel better about themselves in some twisted way.

Self defense classes are not out of the question here. There are times when people need to be able to defend themselves against attack. Do not travel alone if you can help it. When bullies see they have an effect on you they go for the juglar. Try to have pity on the people who act this way, but do not let their words define you. Tom Petty said it best with "you can't sell your soul for peace of mind". Be your own person, and remember the sailor does not pray for wind, he learns to sail.

Make an effort to seek out a positive person and keep contact with them. You are way to down on yourself. You need to seek out those who will encourage you, you are already being bullied, don't add to the problem by beating yourself up as well. Embrace the things that make you different, the things that set you apart, for it is the honing of this ability that allow men to go from being mediocre to greatness.

 

[VincentHChough]

Hi Johnny,

I know how you feel. I was bullied as a youth. And I did some bullying as well. Also suffered from racism... it never makes any sense, people hating you for no real reason at all.

But I discovered Jesus´ love for me has nothing to do with others. It is something He gives uniquely to me... and you. His love is always more profound and can not be touched by the circumstances of our lives.

Ask for help. Find a friend or someone older that you trust that you can just sit down and talk to. Don´t isolate yourself. Usually your local church has people willing to listen...

Pray. Pray for comfort and mercy and light every day. God is faithful and will help you. Never stop asking for His help.

Blessings to you,
Vince

 

[GLK]

Johnnybabe: You don't sound all that bad to me. You sound mistreated and angry. Been there, done that! It also sounds like you have every right to be angry and frustrated. You are 18 and finding out that life is awful sometimes. I'm 53 and I know for a fact that is true. I also know a few other things. Usually, when people treat others badly and there does not seem to be a reason for it, it is because they are jealous. They are not going to admit that and you may not be able to see what they are jealous of right away but start to look at the way the act. Why would they be paying so much attention to you if there was not something that attracts them? Think about it. You've got something that they don't. Carry yourself well, don't buy into that "I'm no good" idea. People who try to hurt others are only hurting themselves. I wonder what it is that you have that everybody else wants.