Welcome anyone's input

[Rutva7]

Hi - I'm new so I hope I'm posting this correctly. I have a couple of questions, but by way of some background: I was molested by a family friend (male) when I was 9 yrs. old. (I"m female). I buried it for 20+ years. To complicate things, I did not have a close relationship with my father when I was growing up. So, here are my questions:

1. I am not near any recovery groups or counselors with experience who have a Christian perspective. Has anyone worked through their issues through message boards and self-study? If so, what helped you the most?

2. I struggle with intimacy with men....I don't let them get close emotionally. I have a close relationship with my Dad now, but when I was growing up, he used a strict disciplinarian approach to raising me. As close as we are, I still am wounded from it, coupled with the molestation and subsequent sexual activity (too weak to say no). Has anyone been there and if so, what has helped you.

Thank you.

 

[IndomitableAmy]

1. Honestly, what helped me most was having really good, gentle friends who might introduce an idea to me but never pushed it. Just having someone it's ok to cry with, even if it's over the phone, is a great thing to me. But, of course, I wouldn't know what would work for you. Self-study may have helped.. but I think it was my friends who helped most, though not a one was local.

2. Sorry, no. I have more trouble letting women get close than men.

 

[dizzydoll]

Everyone has different path to healing. In my situation, I had to deal with everything on my own. No one would listen to me. I was discounted. When I came to the point where I could no longer cope, the only assistance I could obtain came from medication through the local MHMR, which is a government funded program for people who have little or no health insurance. . My hubby did not understand and withdrew into his own issues. Because of my abuse, I'd crave attention from men but not necessarily sex. At times I turned to sex for acceptance because in my warped mind it was the only thing I was entitled to. In other words settled for casual relationships believing that is all I'll ever have. My mother did not believe me. I was left on my own, pretty much raised myself. Most clergy are not trained or experienced in how to council or support sex abuse victims. That does not mean there isn't someone who will be able to help. Unfortunately, sex abuse is a very ugly side of life that most people don't know how to face and don't want to.
[FONT='Verdana','sans-serif']One day God spoke directly to my heart. He reminded me that he always has been, and always will be. At that time I felt a peace unlike anything I’d ever experience. It did not last long. It was very confusing because my life didn't change. He did not remove the hurt and the pain and if anything it seemed worse. Even as a child I remembered hearing that suffering children could come to Him and so I dedicated myself to Him but things didn't change and became worse. I thought that maby I was defective, that God could care less. Knowing the truth would have made a huge difference for me personally---the whole truth. The fact that God does care but because of sin and the gift of free choice there will be suffering but that doesn't not mean God abandoned me. I needed to know that He would find a way whatever it took to draw me to Him and that he would be right there with me. Yahweh Shammah-means the LORD is there. (Ezekiel 48:35) If I had a soapbox this would be it. CHURCH!!!! WAKE UP!!! REACH OUT!!!. I heard the word, received it but that is where it ended. What we need to do is to mentor new believers.[/font]
[FONT='Verdana','sans-serif'] I looked back on my life and He showed me all the ways He'd been there although I did not know it. Over the years I kept trying. I can tell you that meds helped but eventually, Praise The LORD! I was able to give up the use of medications. Keep in mind that close communication with your physician is important. Please do not stop medications if you are taking them without your doctor’s guidance. I reached out online to support groups and prayer chains. This was less risky because rejection could be easier to deal with than opening up. Most believers will consider it an honor to pray for you however, caution is needed regarding when, to whom and how much you share. I won't go into details about some of the negative things that happened when I opened up with people I thought would understand. I can tell you that having someone earnestly pray for you helps. Praying for others helps. Christian Forums on the web is a safe place to visit on the internet. Ask God to show you who you can talk with and wait on Him. Don't be afraid to reach out but be cautious. Most importantly, don't give up. I opened up to a couple of ladies at my church. They were wonderful. One person in particular has really stood by me. This was huge for healing because my own family did not believe me, even to the point of shunning me. [/font]
[FONT='Verdana','sans-serif']The next and probably the most helpful was in depth Bible study. Character studies were helpful for me to use. Check out the names of God at http://www.preceptaustin.org/el_roi_-_god_who_sees.htm, Studying Hagar brought some wonderful healing into my being. The living Word of God has been for me, the most healing balm to my soul. Medication can be very helpful but God’s word has brought me more deep healing than anything else I’ve ever tried. Hagar had very little if any say in even personal life decisions. Like me she was also a victim. God blessed her. Precept Austin has a very good study about her. It is located under the names of God. Time after time I've witnessed God's mercy and love for all of His people not just the chosen Israel. Another help I’ve been blessed with is http://net-burst.net/search.htm Grantly Morris is an amazing man who has dedicated his life to serving the LORD. I want to leave you with a recent study I've done on Matt ch 15:21 Here is a link to an online Bible where you can read the passage I studied if you would like to see what it has to say for yourself. http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/...015&version=31. I’ve also read some commentary on this and here is what I've learned. A woman whose daughter was demon possessed approached Jesus. She was from Caanan which would make her very much an outsider maby even like an infidel. Jesus seems to ignore her. Then He states that he came to save the children of Israel, He replied with the question “should I give the chosen one’s "substance" to dogs? The woman comes back and states that even dogs eat crumbs from the master's table. Close inspection reveals that Jesus took this opportunity to illustrate that through faith we can be healed. Faith is what brings us close to Him. Hoping, trusting, and believing. Want to know what this has to do with us? I know trust is probably the hardest thing to come to. It starts at forgiveness. Also hard but keep submitting all to God. This can be tiring but keep on it. Nutshell, God loves you beyond human reasoning. Nothing is impossible for Him. He knows trust and faith are hard for us but He will not give up. Keep trying. I promise you will not be disappointed. If you seek Him he will be found and He will not forsake you. (Hebrews 13:5, Jeremiah 29:13) Keep trying especially when all seems hopeless. Remember that lady who approached Jesus, asking Him to deliver her daughter from the demons? According to the world's standards she had no reason to hope but despite all odds she knew Jesus was her only hope. Reach out. Pray for Jesus to show you good safe places as well as people but the most important thing is to lean all on Him. Healing must come from Him and do not rely too much on man's assistance. There are good people out there who can help guide, know only God can provide the thing you need most. Pray without ceasing. Hugs.[/font]

 

[dizzydoll]

It is ok to cry and to grieve. This is very normal. I too have more trouble trusting women than I do men. You don't need people who are pushy either, but, you do need honesty. Also, knowing I wasn't alone was helpful. Even when I'm in the "dark" place, Ive got company.
Izzy

1. Honestly, what helped me most was having really good, gentle friends who might introduce an idea to me but never pushed it. Just having someone it's ok to cry with, even if it's over the phone, is a great thing to me. But, of course, I wouldn't know what would work for you. Self-study may have helped.. but I think it was my friends who helped most, though not a one was local.

2. Sorry, no. I have more trouble letting women get close than men.