weird experiences that made me thankful to be where I am right now

[mina]

I usually attend a singles sunday school class but a few weeks ago they put our class and the young marrieds class together because there was a lack of teachers that sunday. well one thing I kept seeing between the couples was that they didn't seem to like each other- all of them, about 7 couples. Both the men and women of all these couples kept making sorta mean comments about each other that I guess they thought were funny. It was sorta like their attitude was " I love you only because I'm married to you, but if I had it to do over again I wouldn't pick you". Anyways I walked away from that class just so grateful that I wasn't married to anyone that would put me down right in front of me as a joke. I was very glad to be single. Because who wants that? That just isn't love to me.

And then I was helping with the preschool kids and there was a particularly mean little boy that just continously bothered other children and did not want to follow directions and did the opposite of what any grownup asked him to do laughing all the while about it (if anyone doesn't believe that people are born sinful, spend an hour with a 3 year old! They know how to be "bad" w/o anyone teaching them how!). I was around him for an hour and a half and I was worn out! I came away really really really glad that I wasn't his mother!

Now don't get me wrong I want to be married and I want to have children. However I think God helped to show me these past few weeks that I shouldn't settle for someone that is not going to respect me in front of other people and is going to love me for me. Don't rush into anything just because the sappy lovey feelings are there. Make sure it's God's best for you. Also He's shown me to enjoy the peace and quiet I have right now, because you never know what kind of kid you are going to have!

 

[Donny_B]

Sometimes it takes observing how others have it to appretiate one's own circumstances. I would not want a marriage like that or a kid like that either.

But I guess sometimes it ends up that way. But I would never dream of insulting a spouse in public (or private if I could help it!) And the kid sounds like he could use a spanking or two.

 

[songz777]

Thanks for that Mina you quoted """Make sure it's God's best for you.""" amen!!! I have never dated a girl :0( but I will not date until I am very sure she is Gods best and the right one for me..|I want it to be worth the long wait....Blessings JOHN

 

[oldrooster]

I am waiting for Mrs. Right, not Mrs. she will do.

 

[mina]

But at the same time I think it's important to realize that no one is going to be "perfect" all of the time. So don't hold out for the "perfect" person becuase no one is perfect. Hold out until you see God's perfect hand in bringing you together with someone. And I don't think God wants us with someone that will put us down. JMO

 

[jesus_is_my_life]

Double Amen to Mina!

And I totally agree, children can be SO bad, but at the same time So adorable

 

[oldrooster]

True, just a Godly woman this time.

 

[brettnolan]

...sorta mean comments about each other that I guess they thought were funny. It was sorta like their attitude was " I love you only because I'm married to you, but if I had it to do over again I wouldn't pick you". Anyways I walked away from that class just so grateful that I wasn't married to anyone that would put me down right in front of me as a joke. I was very glad to be single. Because who wants that? That just isn't love to me.[\QUOTE]

was this something more than just playful kidding around? I mean, you gotta have a sense of humor, right?

 

[mina]

was this something more than just playful kidding around? I mean, you gotta have a sense of humor, right?[/QUOTE]

Well only one of them was laughing. It sorta seemed that the joke had worn thin. Playful joking is one thing, making a joke of your spouse is another. I would not want anyone to playfully kid around with me like that in front of others. I dunno the tone just seemed sort of mean spirited to me. I love funny men, but when I become the joke, it's not funny and that hurts. I want the man i marry to have an incredible sense of humor, because I love to laugh and make others laugh, but I don't want him to laugh at me, or make a joke out of bitterness in front of others.

 

[plum]

I'm glad that helped you see more of what you want in a realtionship! The more of those moments of learning the better, eh?
I also do not want to have a relationship with someone who doesn't know that sarcasm can hurt and it's not the only way to joke around. Teasing can be okay in love, but putting someone down is killing them with your tongue. And the tongue is the harshest weapon of all.

I think all we can do is strive to be lovable and marriage-worthy. That is our responsibility. We can't just sit around and wait for the perfect spouse to come along because if we're not ready or haven't grown, they never will.

 

[brettnolan]

That makes a difference when the one you're making fun of isn't laughing with you. Do you think couples shouldn't make jokes at each other's expense at all? For instance, one time I put egg shells in a cake mix and now EVERYONE makes fun of me for it, including every girlfriend I've ever had. Is that offensive?

 

[klewlis]

That makes a difference when the one you're making fun of isn't laughing with you. Do you think couples shouldn't make jokes at each other's expense at all? For instance, one time I put egg shells in a cake mix and now EVERYONE makes fun of me for it, including every girlfriend I've ever had. Is that offensive?

I think there is a difference between laughing at something unusual that someone did and putting them down as a result. Putdowns focus on character and personality, and in my opinion that is NEVER funny. I may think it's funny that you put egg shells in the cake mix, but it becomes wrong if I make fun of your intelligence because of it.

We never know if our "jokes" may hurt someone... but I think we need to err on the side of caution.

 

[mina]

I just think there is teasing done in love because you like the person, and then there is saying something snide to put someone down to make yourself feel better. There is a difference, and teasing is alright as long as you aren't doing it to hurt the other person or put them down.

 

[brettnolan]

I just think there is teasing done in love because you like the person, and then there is saying something snide to put someone down to make yourself feel better. There is a difference, and teasing is alright as long as you aren't doing it to hurt the other person or put them down.

okay, how bout this?

klewlis said it was okay to make fun of my "unusual event" but then said that making fun of my intelligence as a result would be wrong. I disagree...to the extent that it is a joke. I would be perfectly fine with someone saying something like "Yeah, it takes a REAL genius to put egg shells in a cake."

Now if they truly believe that is a measure of my intellect, then I might get upset.

BTW - Everyone's different, I respect your opinion, and that's why I'm asking, so please don't get offended. This is the first time I can remember disagreeing with you, so I'm a little intrigued.

 

[klewlis]

okay, how bout this?

klewlis said it was okay to make fun of my "unusual event" but then said that making fun of my intelligence as a result would be wrong. I disagree...to the extent that it is a joke. I would be perfectly fine with someone saying something like "Yeah, it takes a REAL genius to put egg shells in a cake."

Now if they truly believe that is a measure of my intellect, then I might get upset.

BTW - Everyone's different, I respect your opinion, and that's why I'm asking, so please don't get offended. This is the first time I can remember disagreeing with you, so I'm a little intrigued.

Actually I was very careful NOT to say that it's ok to "make fun" of the original event. I said that there is a difference between laughing at it and putting someone down because of it. By laughing at it I didn't mean in a making fun sort of way--I meant that say you did this and then you told me the story about it and we both laughed about it because it was a funny thing to do. *That* much is completely normal and healthy. But then if I turn around and make it into a putdown against you, I think that is where I cross the line. Remember that in most friendships and/or relationships there is often a little bit of truth behind that teasing, which both sides can feel. One friend of mine calls it "needling", where you pick on somebody but make it look like a joke, when in reality there is malice behind the joke--and this is likely what was going on between that married couple in the OP.

 

[brettnolan]

there is often a little bit of truth behind that teasing, which both sides can feel...there is malice behind the joke...

Hmmmm...malice?
(speaking of my example, not the OP)

 

[mina]

okay, how bout this?

klewlis said it was okay to make fun of my "unusual event" but then said that making fun of my intelligence as a result would be wrong. I disagree...to the extent that it is a joke. I would be perfectly fine with someone saying something like "Yeah, it takes a REAL genius to put egg shells in a cake."

Now if they truly believe that is a measure of my intellect, then I might get upset.

BTW - Everyone's different, I respect your opinion, and that's why I'm asking, so please don't get offended. This is the first time I can remember disagreeing with you, so I'm a little intrigued.

I don't know if you wanted me or klewlis to respond, and honestly I don't see where we are disagreeing. I mean i was there in that sunday school class and I saw spouses making fun of each other in the guise of a joke, but it jsut wasn't funny. It wasn't playful teasing or flirting, it was just mean and I felt sorry for the one being put down. And from my perspective the one that was being put down was hurt but smiled anyways for the sake of being in a group and they seemed sort of embaressed. And the rest of us were embaressed too, it's like no one knew what to say, it made everyone else feel awkward. And it was like all of the couples in the room were cracking these jokes. They just didn't seem to enjoy each other. I was just commenting on my perspective anyways. I certainly do not know what is going on in each of their marriages. I was just commenting that I wouldn't want to be with someone that put me down, especially in front of other people so they can look cool. Playful teasing and flirting is ok, because you laugh too and you know it's being done because the other person is crazy about you and feels comfortable with you.

 

[JPPT1974]

We have to discern whether we are sarcastic or joking!! Also we have to make sure that we aren't hurting people's feelings because whether we think they do or not, they do have feelings and we all need to be sensitive of them.