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Weight issues

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GoodNewsJim

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I know a person is more than their body, but I couldn't see myself marrying someone that is overweight. I could see myself dating someone who is overweight, but I'd have to make it clear somehow that they have to lose weight before we can get married.

Now it sounds shallow at first, but I could just totally be elitist about it and not date overweight girls at all. Maybe you think that's what I should do? It's just that losing weight isn't that difficult if you have a motivating factor. I know personally that my excercises are slack when I don't have any chances for a date on the horizon. If I met a girl that was in superb top of the line shape, I'd hope she'd give me a year or two to catch up. The motivation I'd have for knowing that there is a prize at the end of the fight would make me work hard.

What do you guys/gals think? Is this issue really too sensitive to even talk about?
 
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Someguyouknow

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Well, its your preference. I see no problem with it although i think most females you encounter will. I assume most people go into the relationship thinking that they are already good enough for that person. If they suddenly have to lose weight to be good enough, it could cause some problems. But if you only date women that already fit your physical requirements, you probably wont encounter that problem.

I don't mind a "bigger" person. I myself am not exactly skinny. If a woman i was dating said that i had to lose weight before we were to marry, i would probably give her the boot.
 
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Mark2010

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I hear you. I've always felt a bit of sympathy for the gals, because it seems like it's somehow less "acceptable" for a gal to be overweight than it is a guy. Not my personal belief, but a stereotype that gets reinforced in western culture.

Many factors go into a person's weight. Some people's metabolism is faster than others. Some have various thyroid or other conditions. (I'm not a doctor, just posting what I have heard from others.) Two people can eat the same amount of food and exercise the same with widely differing results.

When I was younger, several times I made major efforts to lose weight in order to be more physically attractive. It was not easy to do and it never yielded the desired results. In part of my freedom from codependency, I've sort of abandoned that approach. Certainly it's fine, even good, to maintain a healthy weight for one's own sake. But not really for the sake of trying to get a date.

Anyone who will date me at 210 pounds will probably date me at 250. If not, I really don't care.

Yes, it would be easier to exercise with someone than alone. So, if I were dating someone, some of our dates might involve walks, going to a gym, or other forms of exercise.
 
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g85

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Jenster said:
I wouldn't date a person if there are "conditions" they must meet in order to marry me. I find that misleading. Plus it shows that I don't love the person unconditionally. If I can't accept the whole package, why lead them on?
Click to expand...
true!

...I go more for personalities though... I dont know... i prob wouldnt mind a guy that is a bit over weight... I do have to fall in love with the whole person, which includes the looks are well... I care more about the guys FASHION... than if he has a few more pounds than he should! LOL ... Thats just me
 
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g85

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mmm and after saying that Im prob gonna end up with a skinny guy! hehe WHICH I DONT MIND EITHER!!! has to be cute though! LOL
 
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awashinlove

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Eh, I'd have to hand it to any woman who would actually sign up for that deal. You're not a "prize" nor is she a "prize" to be won, that seems to suggest one person is better than the other. From what I understand, marriage is about two people choosing to love, for the glory of God, complete with a "despite" thrown in here and there. If you can't do that before the vows, you're going to build one insecure marriage -- not to mention, bride. Why not date someone from the start who has, as an individual, established themselves in a lifestyle you are partial to? If I were the datin' type, I wouldn't be ashamed to say I'd prefer to date a SO who would enjoy vegetarian cuisine, join me in morning runs, and overall care more than the norm about their health. If someone doesn't genuinely take a big interest in those things, I would be asking for an unnatural change, and most likely an insubstantial one. Weightloss isn't just a physical modification, and no one should seek it for the sake of someone else -- especially on the grounds that they may otherwise be unworthy of your commitment.
 
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simmeringabsolute

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The issue is sensitive, to be sure. I think it's best that you not date overweight girls rather than date them and ask them to lose weight. Girls are not fools. They know weight is important to men and I think the overweight ones have come to terms with finding a man who likes them in their overweight form. You'd likely just be wasting her time. And I doubt any woman would think a guy who requests such a thing from her would be a prize to pursue. Which might be unfortunate, because I have seen overweight women with tremendous natural beauty that is covered by layers of fat. People are ultimately heart, but outward appearance is important.
 
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BouncedBack

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You know, I really have mixed emotions on this. I went from being probably morbidly obese to being a gym rat in pretty good shape. Now I eat good, I run, I bike, I walk, I swim, I lift weights, and I feel great both physically and about myself. It would be hard for me to date someone now who didn't take care of themselves, because its not really that hard once you get into it.................you just have to WANT to take care of yourself BAD enough.

On the other hand, I'm still the same person that I was when I was overweight. Sure, I have more confidence now and I'm probably a little happier in general, but my inner person, aside from any issues I had from carrying the extra weight, didn't change. The things about me that really matter, that really make me me, haven't changed. So I also see how shallow that can be.

Having said that, if I am dating someone who is overweight who I am in love with and want to spend the rest of my life with, there is no way that I would put a condition on that marriage like losing weight. I would certainly (very carefully) encourage it for several reasons such as their own health........both physical and emotional, but I wouldn't harp on it or demand it. I mean, wow.......
 
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California Dreamin'

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I am overweight but I go to the gym. I have a "big frame". Hollywood celebrities are making pretty everyone look extremely overweight.

You know what though? You could have your dream girl or dream guy lookswise and then they could get into a car accident or something. People can change their looks.
 
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mina

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Women's bodies also change as they get older and after they've had children, so even if you married a girl in top notch condition there's no guarentee that her body would stay that way. But I guess that's what love is- if you love them enough to date them and then want to marry them then you need to love them no matter what their physical condition is. It's kind of like a girl saying, I"m ok with dating you with the job you have now, but if I agree to marry you, you have to get a better one b/f the wedding happens.
 
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VictoriasImage77

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I really don't think it should matter... if you love someone, you love someone. Plus, if you look at marriage vows, most pledge to be together through good and bad etc., but I suppose you could add a "unless you get fat" clause.

No really. I think it would be the WORST if I thought someone loved me for me, then asked me to lose weight.

My ex boyfriend, who you could say I am still 'sort of' seeing was 300 pounds when I started dating him. I still fell in love with him. He now is in shape and looks more terrific than ever. I however, have gained probably 50-70 pounds since we started dating. I literally do not know how he can be attracted to me at all. But he always tells me how beautiful I am, and makes me feel like the most attractive person in the world. I know it must bother him deep down, but other than expressing concern for my health, and sadness at my lack of confidence, he would never give me an ultimatum.

Although I did make him promise me that when I do get back in shape we have to get married. We'll see how that goes (by the way, that's him doubting the fact that I CAN lose this weight haha).

If I were you I wouldn't date fat girls. If it bothers you that much, just don't. Save whoever it is the hurt, lol.
 
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HoneyComb Son

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this is an interesting thread..i have been struggling with this issue and i am glad that i can see christians talk about it..it is a sensitive issue.indeed..

i think everyone is different..and i agree loving the person as God sees them is the top area..but also being attracted to the person is also important..as it would be selfish for someone to be with someone who they are not attracted to..for both peoples sake

i just have to say.i could not..not right now atleast..for me that is totally honest..i am quite active..i love people..for me though..i could not
 
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VictoriasImage77

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Also to add to what I said above, I actually dread losing weight. I used to get a ton of male interest when I was much thinner, and now, even though people tell me I am still gorgeous.....zero. Hmm, that's convenient, since I happen to be technically single now, unlike before. Yup, it's a lot of fun watching guys talk to my roomates (even the taken ones) and being the only one that no one is ever interested in.

Although I liked the attention, I don't know if I would wanna date anyone who started becoming attracted to me when I am thinner. At least now I know my ex loves me for the real me. A friend of mine who is too blunt for his own good said to me "I never liked him, but I give him points for staying with you when you got so fat." My male friends have since been weeded out...the ones who did not have an alterior motive are still here.

So in a way, it will suck when I lose the weight, because I'll have to blow off a bunch of guys again. It's much easier not having to deal with it. And you never know which guys genuinely do just wanna become friends, or which ones want something else. It's just easier that way.
Too bad, because I am getting in shape because I need to take care of the body God gave me. If it wasn't for that and my health, I'd just stay fat and single forever.
 
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ImperialPhantom

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VictoriasImage77 said:
I know it must bother him deep down, but other than expressing concern for my health, and sadness at my lack of confidence, he would never give me an ultimatum.
Click to expand...

You don't know that, though. It might not bother him - some guys have different physical tastes in women, and some guys are less picky in general. Chances are, he might just not be bothered by it.
 
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