Wedding traditions you'd like to see the end of?

[LovebirdsFlying]

I asked on my Facebook page, and since I haven't posted here in quite a while, I thought I'd ask here too. I happened to see the question online, right as our anniversary was yesterday, and my cousin is getting married tomorrow. So it seemed apppropriate. What wedding traditions, customs, practices, trends, fads, etc., would you most like to see go?

Here are my three least favorite, in no particular order.

1. Any visual suggestion making it out like he doesn’t want to get married, and she’s forcing him into it. Those “joke” cake toppers where the groom is trying to run away, and the bride is dragging him by the scruff of his neck. The words “help me” painted on the soles of his shoes where everyone can see it when he’s kneeling at the altar. I hate it. I hate all of it. Look, dude, if you don’t want to marry her, don’t marry her. Set her free so she can marry someone who does love and want her.

2. Smashing cake in each other’s faces. Or worse, shoving someone’s entire face right into the cake. For one thing, those layers are often held in place with wooden dowels. You could permanently scar or blind the very person you claim to love. For another, that cake AND the bridal makeup you just ruined cost a lot of money. Plus, it’s a sign of hostility. Especially if you promised you wouldn’t, and then you did, as has happened a few times. Do you really want to start your marriage off with a lie and a betrayal?

3. Those strapless wedding dresses. The only reason strapless got so popular is because sleeves are the hardest part of a dress to fit correctly. Designers can crank out strapless after strapless, all day long, but sleeves take more work. It’s even worse when the gown is not only strapless but also revealing and overtly sexy in other ways. For goodness’ sakes, woman, you’re (statistically speaking) in a house of worship! Put some clothes on, and save the sexy for the honeymoon (where, by all means, go for it.)

Got any others? Agree or disagree with any of mine?

 

[seeking.IAM]

• People spending thousands of dollars on a wedding event, money that could go to so many more practical things a couple needs starting out life together.
• Wedding invitation list of obligations to satisfy parents of the couple, folks of no meaning to the bride or groom. There were countless guests at our wedding that we "had" to invite that I have not seen since leaving the reception decades ago.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

• People spending thousands of dollars on a wedding event, money that could go to so many more practical things a couple needs starting out life together.
• Wedding invitation list of obligations to satisfy parents of the couple, folks of no meaning to the bride or groom. There were countless guests at our wedding that we "had" to invite that I have not seen since leaving the reception decades ago.

Much agreed. With what people spend on weddings, they could buy a house! And inviting a bunch of guests you don't know, just to please your parents and/or your in-laws, only jacks up the expenses that much more. Too much focus on the wedding, not enough on the marriage afterward. Which is supposed to be for life.

 

[Paidiske]

• People spending thousands of dollars on a wedding event, money that could go to so many more practical things a couple needs starting out life together.
• Wedding invitation list of obligations to satisfy parents of the couple, folks of no meaning to the bride or groom. There were countless guests at our wedding that we "had" to invite that I have not seen since leaving the reception decades ago.

Yes to both of these.

Also, anything suggesting that the bride is a piece of property whose ownership is being transferred from father to husband. (For example, I've seen, instead of the father "giving the bride away," the parents of both parties being asked to give their blessing during the ceremony; and that can be a really lovely alternative).

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

Yes to both of these.

Also, anything suggesting that the bride is a piece of property whose ownership is being transferred from father to husband. (For example, I've seen, instead of the father "giving the bride away," the parents of both parties being asked to give their blessing during the ceremony; and that can be a really lovely alternative).

I like that alternative. I think the "giving away" part is dissolving for the same reason that the word "obey," for the most part, was taken out of the bride's wedding vows decades ago. The groom was asked to "love, honor, and cherish," while the bride was asked to "love, honor, and obey." I'm old enough to remember that.

 

[PloverWing]

Throwing the bouquet, and the garter thing. When I was contentedly single, I was really uncomfortable with the picture that all the single ladies are desperate to get married, hoping to catch the bouquet. The bit where the garter-catcher puts the garter on the bouquet-catcher is worse. If you're not my chosen romantic partner, get your paws off me! (We didn't do either one at our wedding.)

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

A lot of people feel that way about the garter, and it is kind of creepy. I hadn't thought about the bouquet before, but that is a valid point. The "all single women are desperate to get married" thing is a stereotype with unfortunate implications. It's just as bad as the imagery that the groom *doesn't* want to get married, but is being trapped.

 

[Paidiske]

I like that alternative. I think the "giving away" part is dissolving for the same reason that the word "obey," for the most part, was taken out of the bride's wedding vows decades ago. The groom was asked to "love, honor, and cherish," while the bride was asked to "love, honor, and obey." I'm old enough to remember that.

I've seen one wedding where the bride promised to obey. I don't offer that option to couples!

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

On the word “obey” in the bride’s wedding vows, the fear is usually that he’ll take it as license to turn into a ruthless and selfish dictator because now she has to obey what he says. Someone made the valid point that if she can’t trust him not to take unfair advantage of the situation, then she shouldn’t be marrying him. Comments?

 

[Paidiske]

On the word “obey” in the bride’s wedding vows, the fear is usually that he’ll take it as license to turn into a ruthless and selfish dictator because now she has to obey what he says.

That's one issue, but I think the whole hierarchy-power-control dynamic is an issue in and of itself.

Someone made the valid point that if she can’t trust him not to take unfair advantage of the situation, then she shouldn’t be marrying him. Comments?

Well, that's true... but then why require a vow of obedience at all?