My fiance and I were in a long distance relationship for four and a half years. We only got to see each other a week or two every year. Thus every time we got together the depth of the need for physical affection was even deeper.
This last time we had been separated for a year and a half. We've had about two months together this time, and still feel like we're catching up. But unfortunately it has created some driving needs in us.
Saturday my fiance and I went too far and had sex. We had been sitting on the couch but we were both wanting a lot more, and instead of separating ourselves we wanted to feel closer. It was the first time for both of us and while we liked it we immediately knew we had sinned. It hasn't affected our relationship with each other except in the fact that we feel so distant not being able to continue having sex. We immediately realized we had sinned and confessed it as such right away. But unfortunately the church I was raised in believes that if a Christian has committed something that terrible, there's no way back to salvation for them. They've lost it and God won't even hear.
We hadn't anticipated slipping like this, so we had no condoms or anything... now I'm so afraid that I will get pregnant from this encounter... and my family will not take that well at all. They might tell us we have to break up. My fiance has told me he will own up to it and marry me right away should I become pregnant. I am not worried about us. I am worried about the fact that we don't have the money to support a child. And my fiance would want us to keep our child instead of putting it up for adoption.
We have decided that no matter what we need to marry soon. As soon as we both have jobs that have lasted longer than two months, we want to pull our resources together and just get married. We were going to marry in 2005 but then he got sick with lupus and almost died. Part of this problem is we've been engaged for nearly 5 years now.
What's worse is before this we felt called to the ministry. He as a youth pastor and me as a Christian counselor, available to help the young women in the youth group. But with this sin in our past, how will any church forgive us enough to give us a chance? Will God even listen to us? Will he continue to want to use us? We didn't have the means to go back to school this year, but we were hoping for God's blessing on our lives and provision of jobs and money to go back to study ministry. But will God even bless us with this sin, albeit confessed, in our lives?
I feel so lost and so unforgiven even though I've confessed it as sin and am trying not to get ourselves in situations where it would happen again. It's like my peace has been ripped out of my chest, especially since I don't know whether I am pregnant or not yet. We have prayed that I did not conceive out of our stupidity, but would God even listen to THAT prayer?
Or will he turn his ear to us forever, or at least until we're married?
This last time we had been separated for a year and a half. We've had about two months together this time, and still feel like we're catching up. But unfortunately it has created some driving needs in us.
Saturday my fiance and I went too far and had sex. We had been sitting on the couch but we were both wanting a lot more, and instead of separating ourselves we wanted to feel closer. It was the first time for both of us and while we liked it we immediately knew we had sinned. It hasn't affected our relationship with each other except in the fact that we feel so distant not being able to continue having sex. We immediately realized we had sinned and confessed it as such right away. But unfortunately the church I was raised in believes that if a Christian has committed something that terrible, there's no way back to salvation for them. They've lost it and God won't even hear.
We hadn't anticipated slipping like this, so we had no condoms or anything... now I'm so afraid that I will get pregnant from this encounter... and my family will not take that well at all. They might tell us we have to break up. My fiance has told me he will own up to it and marry me right away should I become pregnant. I am not worried about us. I am worried about the fact that we don't have the money to support a child. And my fiance would want us to keep our child instead of putting it up for adoption.
We have decided that no matter what we need to marry soon. As soon as we both have jobs that have lasted longer than two months, we want to pull our resources together and just get married. We were going to marry in 2005 but then he got sick with lupus and almost died. Part of this problem is we've been engaged for nearly 5 years now.
What's worse is before this we felt called to the ministry. He as a youth pastor and me as a Christian counselor, available to help the young women in the youth group. But with this sin in our past, how will any church forgive us enough to give us a chance? Will God even listen to us? Will he continue to want to use us? We didn't have the means to go back to school this year, but we were hoping for God's blessing on our lives and provision of jobs and money to go back to study ministry. But will God even bless us with this sin, albeit confessed, in our lives?
I feel so lost and so unforgiven even though I've confessed it as sin and am trying not to get ourselves in situations where it would happen again. It's like my peace has been ripped out of my chest, especially since I don't know whether I am pregnant or not yet. We have prayed that I did not conceive out of our stupidity, but would God even listen to THAT prayer?
Or will he turn his ear to us forever, or at least until we're married?
