seeingeyes
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On the other hand, it's always a lot easier to get along with someone who doesn't live at your house.
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I don't quite understand amicable divorces. I mean it is obviously the best way to divorce, and I support the concept of using mediation and mutual respect to maximize both parties' happiness. It's definitely the mature way to handle a separation, especially with children because the parenting relationship is on-going, and it's an improvement over the typically nasty divorces our parents' generation had.
But if I was able to get along with someone like that, I'd just want to salvage the marriage in the first place!
Yeah, I've heard that before. But I don't agree. I think a person can adjust their needs, and accommodate their spouse, if that's their priority. I mean let's face it, if we just pursued our wants and perceived needs, it would be like falling down an abyss trying to get to the bottom of it. We're unquenchable. I think it's more about being content and focusing on our responsibilities and appreciating what we have, than pursuing some romantic "need." Not to mention that a couple has obviously found romantic fulfillment at some point. The potential is there. It seems like an amicable relationship is a pretty friendly environment for pursuing it, compared to what many struggling marriages face.
I'm going to get dishonest answers due to people not wanting to admit this if their spouse also visits the board...
But anyways, I was curious if the wait before marriage for sex was worth it for you? Or if it sex ended up being overrated/you felt a slight regret for what you missed out on waiting?
Also for those who didn't wait for marriage, do you feel the previous relationships/encounters you were involved with were positive experiences overall? Or was it horrible for you?
I don't quite understand amicable divorces. I mean it is obviously the best way to divorce, and I support the concept of using mediation and mutual respect to maximize both parties' happiness. It's definitely the mature way to handle a separation, especially with children because the parenting relationship is on-going, and it's an improvement over the typically nasty divorces our parents' generation had.
But if I was able to get along with someone like that, I'd just want to salvage the marriage in the first place!
Yeah, I've heard that before. But I don't agree. I think a person can adjust their needs, and accommodate their spouse, if that's their priority. I mean let's face it, if we just pursued our wants and perceived needs, it would be like falling down an abyss trying to get to the bottom of it. We're unquenchable. I think it's more about being content and focusing on our responsibilities and appreciating what we have, than pursuing some romantic "need." Not to mention that a couple has obviously found romantic fulfillment at some point. The potential is there. It seems like an amicable relationship is a pretty friendly environment for pursuing it, compared to what many struggling marriages face.
I guess I can understand it in terms of being amicable to make the end goal easier. From your description, the conversation just sounded like concessions and agreeability coming from a place of genuine love and concern or even endearment.
I was just at a family picnic for my daughter's school, and was surprised to see one of the families sitting together - both parents and the kids - just like a regular family, having a good time. I thought, "Good for them," because I knew the parents had been divorced for a long time and at least one was remarried. But apparently they were able to attend school functions for their kids with a "family like" demeanor, and I'm sure that was nice for the kids.
I'm going to get dishonest answers due to people not wanting to admit this if their spouse also visits the board...
But anyways, I was curious if the wait before marriage for sex was worth it for you? Or if it sex ended up being overrated/you felt a slight regret for what you missed out on waiting?
Also for those who didn't wait for marriage, do you feel the previous relationships/encounters you were involved with were positive experiences overall? Or was it horrible for you?
I'll be honest with you (no spouse on board). I have no clue whether waiting was worth it. Sex is mediocre, and if could go back in time, I would probably just avoid meeting my current wife and look for someone else. Or, if for some reason in this sci-fi plot fantasy I could go back and was bound to marry her again (or turn into a pumpkin), I would probably just have as much sex as possible until meeting her again.
That said, it's possible all the pre-marital sex would have been 'meh' as well. I have no way of knowing. And there are other consequences, primarily emotional (but some physical), to pre-marital sex.
There is one profound, most important truth I want to share with you: It has nothing to do with whether you wait or not, what matters is the partner. If she a loving, caring, attractive, self-motivated person, sex will be great. If she's not, it won't. It has nothing to do with the timing, and little/nothing to do with how much sex you had before.
My wife and I have fairly frequent (2-3x week), fairly uninspiring sex. Occasionally, it's fantastic. Why is that? It all comes down to whether she wants it or not. On the rare occasions that she is horny and engaged - it's amazing and fulfilling. The rest of the time, I'm not sure she even wants me around. Why is she sometimes interested and sometimes not? There is no telling - only the person themselves can decide they are motivated, nobody else.
But there are clues, and these clues can help you truly make a wise decision in your partner. You cannot change a lazy unmotivated, fickle and uncaring partner. What you can do is avoid picking one in the first place.
A motivated, loving, Christ-like, caring, attentive, friendly, sacrificial, obedient, humble woman will be a great sexual partner. It doesn't matter if the wedding night is a hilarious awkward non-starter. She is a gem, and her desire to love you will eventually make sex an amazing and bonding experience.
Easy right? Wrong, since 90%+ of even church-going, Christian women are not that woman, and you can't easily know who is. The following are clues to help. These are not magical or sound-bite worthy, they are just accurate and borne of experience:
- How much time does she spend watching TV?
- How much does she like to eat out?
- Does she hit the gym?
- Does she like to gossip?
- When bored for 5 or more seconds, does this require her to stare into her phone until something worthy of attention appears?
- Does she sleep in?
- Does she serve others in any significant way that does not include a paycheck?
- Does she have a good relationship with her parents?
- Do her parents have a great relationship
- Is her mom a sacrificial, loving, sweet, attractive, soft-spoken, ladylike women of God? (ALERT: Jackpot criteria here, DON'T MISS)
- Does she complain a lot about others, work, situations etc?
This is the most important decision of your life. Don't settle for a typical north american self-indulgent, directionless, overweight complainer with a token verbal acceptance of being Christian. Find a real woman who models herself on Christ.
I have to seriously disagree with considering her mother's character or her parents' relationship when seeking a wife. Women do not necessarily model their mothers. Good women can forge their lives despite awful mothers, and good mothers can produce selfish daughters. You aren't marrying her mother, and you aren't inheriting the parents' relationship.
I have to seriously disagree with considering her mother's character or her parents' relationship when seeking a wife. Women do not necessarily model their mothers.
When you're a "one and only" couple there is nothing to compare to, sex is forever the best you ever had, thank God. And if your spouse is the love of your life, sex is everything and always what God intended it to be, beautiful, profound, sacred, bonding, spiritual, special, and I could go on and on.
I couldn't have asked for more and I never have.
Thanks!This. My personality is completely opposite of my mother.
How beautiful
My name is Stephanie Lewis and I'm a casting director in NYC. I wanted to reach out because we are working with a major cable network on a new series about committed couples ages 35 and over who have yet to consummate their relationships.
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I'll be honest with you (no spouse on board). I have no clue whether waiting was worth it. Sex is mediocre, and if could go back in time, I would probably just avoid meeting my current wife and look for someone else. Or, if for some reason in this sci-fi plot fantasy I could go back and was bound to marry her again (or turn into a pumpkin), I would probably just have as much sex as possible until meeting her again.
That said, it's possible all the pre-marital sex would have been 'meh' as well. I have no way of knowing. And there are other consequences, primarily emotional (but some physical), to pre-marital sex.
There is one profound, most important truth I want to share with you: It has nothing to do with whether you wait or not, what matters is the partner. If she a loving, caring, attractive, self-motivated person, sex will be great. If she's not, it won't. It has nothing to do with the timing, and little/nothing to do with how much sex you had before.
My wife and I have fairly frequent (2-3x week), fairly uninspiring sex. Occasionally, it's fantastic. Why is that? It all comes down to whether she wants it or not. On the rare occasions that she is horny and engaged - it's amazing and fulfilling. The rest of the time, I'm not sure she even wants me around. Why is she sometimes interested and sometimes not? There is no telling - only the person themselves can decide they are motivated, nobody else.
But there are clues, and these clues can help you truly make a wise decision in your partner. You cannot change a lazy unmotivated, fickle and uncaring partner. What you can do is avoid picking one in the first place.
A motivated, loving, Christ-like, caring, attentive, friendly, sacrificial, obedient, humble woman will be a great sexual partner. It doesn't matter if the wedding night is a hilarious awkward non-starter. She is a gem, and her desire to love you will eventually make sex an amazing and bonding experience.
Easy right? Wrong, since 90%+ of even church-going, Christian women are not that woman, and you can't easily know who is. The following are clues to help. These are not magical or sound-bite worthy, they are just accurate and borne of experience:
- How much time does she spend watching TV?
- How much does she like to eat out?
- Does she hit the gym?
- Does she like to gossip?
- When bored for 5 or more seconds, does this require her to stare into her phone until something worthy of attention appears?
- Does she sleep in?
- Does she serve others in any significant way that does not include a paycheck?
- Does she have a good relationship with her parents?
- Do her parents have a great relationship
- Is her mom a sacrificial, loving, sweet, attractive, soft-spoken, ladylike women of God? (ALERT: Jackpot criteria here, DON'T MISS)
- Does she complain a lot about others, work, situations etc?
This is the most important decision of your life. Don't settle for a typical north american self-indulgent, directionless, overweight complainer with a token verbal acceptance of being Christian. Find a real woman who models herself on Christ.
Honestly, I don't think a Christ-like character makes you any better in bed. In fact, none of this matters when it comes to sex partners. How come people out in the world are able to have "good sex" without any of these qualities? They don't have anything to do with sex.A motivated, loving, Christ-like, caring, attentive, friendly, sacrificial, obedient, humble woman will be a great sexual partner.
Okay, so you're having sex against her will. If someone were having sex with me when I didn't want to have sex, it would probably end a lot worse than you are dealing with. If sex is so bad, then stop forcing her to have sex when she doesn't want to, and then maybe things will get a little better.My wife and I have fairly frequent (2-3x week), fairly uninspiring sex. Occasionally, it's fantastic. Why is that? It all comes down to whether she wants it or not.
A wife that fits all these criteria is a figment of your imagination. What kind of question is "Does she sleep in"? Don't we all? And you are complaining that she complains about others, work, situations etc? Hypocrite! You are supposed to be the one she is able to confide in, yet you turn it around and call her an un-godly wife for being a human.- How much time does she spend watching TV?
- How much does she like to eat out?
- Does she hit the gym?
- Does she like to gossip?
- When bored for 5 or more seconds, does this require her to stare into her phone until something worthy of attention appears?
- Does she sleep in?
- Does she serve others in any significant way that does not include a paycheck?
- Does she have a good relationship with her parents?
- Do her parents have a great relationship
- Is her mom a sacrificial, loving, sweet, attractive, soft-spoken, ladylike women of God? (ALERT: Jackpot criteria here, DON'T MISS)
- Does she complain a lot about others, work, situations etc?
Ephesians 5:25-33 [ESV]
25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.[a] 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
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