was i raped?

[redridinghood]

i had been seeing someone for almost a year. it was a very weird relationship as he lied to me about everything (his past, who he was, and he had cheated on me several times, he hit me, abused me).
it began with him touching me in odd places whenever we were kissing and eventually led to him moving his body up and down over me while lying down, i didnt know what was happening and when i asked him what he was doing, he made excuses for it. slowly, after a few months he started undressing me once in a while against my will.
last year, on christmas, he got drunk and forced me to drink, which i refused and then he tried to take off my clothes, when i refused that, he violently tried to take off my top and tore it and twisted my arm in the process.. i ran out of his house, scared to death, but he apologised for how he acted later. the next day, he forced my hand into his pants and completely undressed me though i kept saying i didnt want to.. and he would do things to me as i would lie down and not move cuz i was scared he'd get violent, he forced me to give him oral sex, and do other disgusting things
this repeated over a period of months.. one day, he forced himself into me though i begged him not to and i lost my virginity.. again, he repeated this DAILY over a period of weeks and i had begged him not to everytime..eventually i almost got pregnant and there were other complications with me, physically..
i broke it off with him in time as i couldnt take it any longer, he threatened me for weeks..
i never told anyone about any of this until yesterday.. when i told my brother.. who was very troubled by what i told him.
please, i want to know.. is this considered rape? was i raped?

 

[impeachbush08]

Call the Police. Call them Now. This POS Should be hung.

 

[tapero]

Hi hon,

I am so sorry that this happened to you and it sounds like it to me, but I'm not sure. Something similar happened to me also, and I've always called it rape. It's date rape really is what they call it in the united states.

Since it was against your will, it sounds like it was rape to me.

I would love to give you a hotline number, but your flag shows India and we've haven't got hotlines for that area.

Can you search the net for your area of India and see if they have a rape crisis hotine? Google hotline rape crisis (and then your city or area).

You really need to talk to someone hun and a counselor would be very helpful to help you in your recovery.

You could also call the police and discuss it with them (anonymously or not.)

I'm glad you shared with us, and I know you will get awesome support here.

I've prayed for you.

God bless you, Love, Tapero

 

[PacificPandeist]

Its good that you told your brother-- tell people you trust.... and keep the best record you can, you are a victim of a crime.... there are some horrible people in the world and he is one, so this is his doing, and not your fault!!

//// Pacific PanDeist

 

[Steezie]

Anything done without your consent is rape. You did not want what happened to happen, that makes what happened rape.

Im sorry you had to suffer through that, I have a tire-iron reserved for special men like that.

Is there any evidence that any of this happened? Anything will help. If there is no evidence aside from your word, then unfortunately you cant bring criminal charges, but you can distance yourself from him. If he's still part of your life or still comes around, I'd reccomend a restraining order if at all possible.

A man like that has no serious issue with violence towards women. He's a power-reassurance guy, he does what he does because he feels like he doesnt have any real power and doing that is a way to get it.

If you can find counseling, it may be a good idea but consider if you are ready to face what happened.

Whatever happens, I hope he finds the business end of a hollow point and that you find some measure of peace in all this

 

[PacificPandeist]

Anything done without your consent is rape. You did not want what happened to happen, that makes what happened rape.

Im sorry you had to suffer through that, I have a tire-iron reserved for special men like that.

Is there any evidence that any of this happened? Anything will help. If there is no evidence aside from your word, then unfortunately you cant bring criminal charges, but you can distance yourself from him. If he's still part of your life or still comes around, I'd reccomend a restraining order if at all possible.

A man like that has no serious issue with violence towards women. He's a power-reassurance guy, he does what he does because he feels like he doesnt have any real power and doing that is a way to get it.

If you can find counseling, it may be a good idea but consider if you are ready to face what happened.

Whatever happens, I hope he finds the business end of a hollow point and that you find some measure of peace in all this

Oh, I don't think it's true that you need evidence other than your word to bring charges.... anyway, if you inform the authorities, they should look for the evidence....

//// Pacific PanDeist

 

[Steezie]

Oh, I don't think it's true that you need evidence other than your word to bring charges.... anyway, if you inform the authorities, they should look for the evidence....

//// Pacific PanDeist

Dont be dispensing false hope, if it comes down to a he-said she-said, she will lose. The passage of time erodes evidence. If there is no concrete evidence, charges cannot be brought. Trust me, Ive walked this road before

 

[PacificPandeist]

Dont be dispensing false hope, if it comes down to a he-said she-said, she will lose. The passage of time erodes evidence. If there is no concrete evidence, charges cannot be brought. Trust me, Ive walked this road before

Hmmm, well let me put it this way.... a lot of women who are raped never report it because they fear they will not be believed, and sometimes they aren't.... but if you report it and it can not be proved, I still think that's better than not reporting it at all.... then the guy has on his record at least that he was investigated, so if he does the same type of thing again, it will be much easier for the next victim to be believed....

//// Pacific PanDeist

 

[Steezie]

Hmmm, well let me put it this way.... a lot of women who are raped never report it because they fear they will not be believed, and sometimes they aren't.... but if you report it and it can not be proved, I still think that's better than not reporting it at all.... then the guy has on his record at least that he was investigated, so if he does the same type of thing again, it will be much easier for the next victim to be believed....

//// Pacific PanDeist

Accusations are not admissable in court. Under US law, a previous conviction, accusation, or investigation is not admissable in court on the grounds that it may bias the jury against the accused. Only in very special circumstances is it allowed.

 

[PacificPandeist]

Accusations are not admissable in court. Under US law, a previous conviction, accusation, or investigation is not admissable in court on the grounds that it may bias the jury against the accused. Only in very special circumstances is it allowed.

I mean it would make it more likely that the next victim would be believed by the police....

//// Pacific PanDeist

 

[Steezie]

I mean it would make it more likely that the next victim would be believed by the police....

//// Pacific PanDeist

And then when the police get asked "Why did you charge him when there is so little evidence?" and they say "Because he had previous investigations for rape" the case gets dropped.

 

[PacificPandeist]

And then when the police get asked "Why did you charge him when there is so little evidence?" and they say "Because he had previous investigations for rape" the case gets dropped.

IANAL, but I've seen plenty of trials where previous victims testified to show that a perp had that pattern of behavior....

//// Pacific PanDeist

 

[Steezie]

IANAL, but I've seen plenty of trials where previous victims testified to show that a perp had that pattern of behavior....

//// Pacific PanDeist

Thats testimony. Testimony is handled differently than accusations.

 

[BelindaP]

Yes, you were definitely raped. You were also brutalized and abused. Thank goodness that you were able to get out of the situation alive. God has a special place reserved for men like that. He won't go unpunished.

Whether or not you want to report the crime is your business. I'm not sure how the legal system works in India, so I will leave that decision to you. Here in the U.S. you could definitely prosecute for the crimes he committed.

The most important thing is that God loves you and wants the best for your right now. Be assured that you are still a virgin in His eyes, because you never gave consent to the terrrible things that man did to you. Please feel free to PM me any time if you feel the need to talk.

 

[PacificPandeist]

Thats testimony. Testimony is handled differently than accusations.

Well say this guy does this to someone else, how would anyone know to get her (the OPs) testimony if she doesn't report it to the authorities?

//// Pacific PanDeist

 

[BelindaP]

Hello, boys. I think you are forgetting somebody.

 

[chloeobrien]

Yes hon, unfortunately you were rape... as tapero said date rape, as I was. I have posed about it and feel free to read any/all of my posts on here. Please talk to the police about it, even if you don't report it they have an amazing amount of resources they can share with you to help you through this. They will do what they can to help you cope with it best. I talked with a female at the police station up at school about it all and she helped me out a lot, and then one day I decided to press charges and now a lot is going on with that. I wouldn't recommend pressing charges unless you feel you are emotionally and mentally capable of doing so, because it is a long and stressful, and emotionally painful thing to do. Some people need to do that to help them get better and others are better off just talking to a counselor about it all. I am glad to hear you got out of the situation though. It is tough to do so but better for you in the end. If you would like to talk about it more or have any questions or need help with anything feel free to contact me which ever way best helps you (PM, IM, e-mail).

I will keep you in my thoughts. Huge hugs to you!

Chloe

 

[PacificPandeist]

Hello, boys. I think you are forgetting somebody.

redridinghood, Steezie and I are both trying our best to help and advise you.... you are an innocent here, and we both care.... he just doesn't want me to inflate your hopes that the guy will be punished, and I don't want you to avoid seeking punishment for this guy.... but you do what you're comfortable with, we'll be with you either way!!

//// Pacific PanDeist

 

[Steezie]

Agreed, I am not in any way trying to dissuade you from reporting it or doing something about it. I just want you to realize that not a whole lot may happen in terms of him getting in trouble at this point in time

 

[redridinghood]

so.. it was rape? is it my fault? i mean.. i could've stopped him..