(I'm sorry-when I first posted this I didn't have article in its entirety. Hence, it may not have made sense...I tried to finish the last part from memory, though it may not have come out as well as I wanted it to. But to all who read it, thank you). 
I remember as a kid awakening in the middle of the night, hardly able to breathe. Sometimes I would try to crawl to my parents room to wake them up, as the unexpected attack would hit. There may not have been much they could've done, but their presence was sometimes comforting as I suffered through the asthma.
At other times I can recall making slow progress to the bathroom in the middle of the night and holding on to the toilet seat, so as to have something solid to grasp onto as I struggled for air. Occasionally I wondered if I was going to make it through alive, as each breath became more and more strained.
My 'dad's' chair, set in the living room, became another haven for me, as I rested back in its cushiony softness to find some relief while the rest of the family slept through the night. The chair allowed me to sleep, without having to lie on my back, which would have added excess strain to my breathing. Sometimes, when on my bed during an attack, I would have a little respite from the strain, and would lay down, tired of fighting the pull to sleep. Often I found that to be dangerous for me, as I would wake up gasping for air.
Asthma wasn't the only thing that troubled me during my childhood. O.c.d.(obsessive compulsive disorder), was yet another one of my struggles. I didn't know at the time it had a name, just knew that for some reason I felt a continuos compulsion to touch things a certain number of times,(clothes, doorknobs, etc), and to count to a certain number before my brain could have any rest. This sometimes proved embarrassing, as I didn't always know how to hide these things from my peers.
I had many other 'plagues', (sometimes self inflicted), aside from just these. Acne, being overweight, and very shy, only added to the list, making me feel more and more isolated towards those around me. Soon I discovered it wasn't really that hard to be alone, when it seemed no one wanted to be your friend anyways.
The world became a cruel place to me, one I continually wanted to hide from. Kids at school became the enemy, as each school day it became more and more difficult to submit myself to enter what had not long ago become for me a place of torture.
Books, t.v., music and food became some of my closest friends, as I escaped from the pain of what was real into my world of comfort and acceptance.
Looking back, I don't know quite how I made it through those years as I did. Maybe it was the love of my parents, or the way my older brother would make me laugh..or maybe it was the love of a friend, a friend who I didn't even know loved me, who was watching me all along.
I tend to believe it was the latter.
Here's why..
One night, as I was in my room, reality seemed to hit me in the face. I began to see the path I was heading down, a path covered by fear and insecurity and shame, and it scared me. I was scared of the future, scared of hurting my parents by my foolish actions, scared of people, and their unpredictability. But I had no friend I could trust with the feelings in my heart, no one I felt safe enough to voice such emotion to .save One.
Alone in my room that night, I began to pour out my heart to the Lord. If anyone could help me where I was then, I believed it was Him.
I hadn't talked to Him much in my life. I was raised Catholic, but never really dialogued much with Him aside from mote prayers. But this time was different.
When finished, I felt no change. But I couldn't escape the fear that something needed to change in my life, and that no one could help me save God.
So night after night, day after day, I would talk to Him in prayer. I would tell Him my fears, and eventually, my hopes, and ask again and again for Him to help me out of the mess my life had become.
Over time I decided to not watch any t.v. save that which was Christian. I was attempting to show God that I was sincere in my desire for His help, but had no idea how those attemps would be such a blessing to me.
I observed various people on the screen voicing how Jesus was their best friend, encouraging others to open up to Him as you would to a friend. I listened with awe as people spoke on how God took them from a life of failure to one filled with hope.
And as I listened, hope began to grow inside of me.
Inspired, I opened up to God more in prayer, read the Bible more eagerly, saw myself trusting more in His precious promises. And within a short amount of time, I noticed an amazing change taking place within my heart...
I was happy. Truly,very happy. I woke up with joy, and went to bed with peace. Though circumstances remained troubled, nothing could remove this abiding peace that I had within.
To this day, I have had many ups and downs, passed through a multitude of trials and valleys. But as I look back on that night, nearly 10 years ago, when I, a lonely, unattractive, nearly friendless young girl, reached out to a God I did not know, and think of how grateful I am that it was there I met for the first time my Forever Friend.
I remember as a kid awakening in the middle of the night, hardly able to breathe. Sometimes I would try to crawl to my parents room to wake them up, as the unexpected attack would hit. There may not have been much they could've done, but their presence was sometimes comforting as I suffered through the asthma.
At other times I can recall making slow progress to the bathroom in the middle of the night and holding on to the toilet seat, so as to have something solid to grasp onto as I struggled for air. Occasionally I wondered if I was going to make it through alive, as each breath became more and more strained.
My 'dad's' chair, set in the living room, became another haven for me, as I rested back in its cushiony softness to find some relief while the rest of the family slept through the night. The chair allowed me to sleep, without having to lie on my back, which would have added excess strain to my breathing. Sometimes, when on my bed during an attack, I would have a little respite from the strain, and would lay down, tired of fighting the pull to sleep. Often I found that to be dangerous for me, as I would wake up gasping for air.
Asthma wasn't the only thing that troubled me during my childhood. O.c.d.(obsessive compulsive disorder), was yet another one of my struggles. I didn't know at the time it had a name, just knew that for some reason I felt a continuos compulsion to touch things a certain number of times,(clothes, doorknobs, etc), and to count to a certain number before my brain could have any rest. This sometimes proved embarrassing, as I didn't always know how to hide these things from my peers.
I had many other 'plagues', (sometimes self inflicted), aside from just these. Acne, being overweight, and very shy, only added to the list, making me feel more and more isolated towards those around me. Soon I discovered it wasn't really that hard to be alone, when it seemed no one wanted to be your friend anyways.
The world became a cruel place to me, one I continually wanted to hide from. Kids at school became the enemy, as each school day it became more and more difficult to submit myself to enter what had not long ago become for me a place of torture.
Books, t.v., music and food became some of my closest friends, as I escaped from the pain of what was real into my world of comfort and acceptance.
Looking back, I don't know quite how I made it through those years as I did. Maybe it was the love of my parents, or the way my older brother would make me laugh..or maybe it was the love of a friend, a friend who I didn't even know loved me, who was watching me all along.
I tend to believe it was the latter.
Here's why..
One night, as I was in my room, reality seemed to hit me in the face. I began to see the path I was heading down, a path covered by fear and insecurity and shame, and it scared me. I was scared of the future, scared of hurting my parents by my foolish actions, scared of people, and their unpredictability. But I had no friend I could trust with the feelings in my heart, no one I felt safe enough to voice such emotion to .save One.
Alone in my room that night, I began to pour out my heart to the Lord. If anyone could help me where I was then, I believed it was Him.
I hadn't talked to Him much in my life. I was raised Catholic, but never really dialogued much with Him aside from mote prayers. But this time was different.
When finished, I felt no change. But I couldn't escape the fear that something needed to change in my life, and that no one could help me save God.
So night after night, day after day, I would talk to Him in prayer. I would tell Him my fears, and eventually, my hopes, and ask again and again for Him to help me out of the mess my life had become.
Over time I decided to not watch any t.v. save that which was Christian. I was attempting to show God that I was sincere in my desire for His help, but had no idea how those attemps would be such a blessing to me.
I observed various people on the screen voicing how Jesus was their best friend, encouraging others to open up to Him as you would to a friend. I listened with awe as people spoke on how God took them from a life of failure to one filled with hope.
And as I listened, hope began to grow inside of me.
Inspired, I opened up to God more in prayer, read the Bible more eagerly, saw myself trusting more in His precious promises. And within a short amount of time, I noticed an amazing change taking place within my heart...
I was happy. Truly,very happy. I woke up with joy, and went to bed with peace. Though circumstances remained troubled, nothing could remove this abiding peace that I had within.
To this day, I have had many ups and downs, passed through a multitude of trials and valleys. But as I look back on that night, nearly 10 years ago, when I, a lonely, unattractive, nearly friendless young girl, reached out to a God I did not know, and think of how grateful I am that it was there I met for the first time my Forever Friend.
