Wanna Kill Myself

[Pharoah Monch]

somebody help me please!!!
i have planned to slit my wrists in front of the whole congregation at church.......i hate my life....its too ****ing lonely and depressive and i hate myself....i am a failure, i have failed God too many times....and he prolly forgot me.......i'm crying right now in lots of pain....i cut sometimes....i'm sick in my head, got problems with porn, and very "nasty" thoughts, and if i had the chance, i'd be out having random sex right now...cuz i gave up on true love.......i have no friends or anyone here to talk to...my fam is christian but they're so oblivious to whats going on in me.....i cant talk to them, we dont get along that well, and i could count with the fingers of my right hand how many times my pops has hugged me or told me he loves me and i still have fingers to spare..........i never finished high school.....used to have a girl, but shes gone, she went back to her country.....cuz i messed everything up....anyone help please!.........WHY DOESNT THIS PAIN JUST GOES AWAY!!!, WHY CANT GOD JUST TAKE IT AWAY, IF HE LOVES ME SO MUCH THEN WHY DOESNT THIS END?!?!?!.......................................................I HATE THIS!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE ME SO MUCH RIGHT NOW..I HATE BEING SAD AND DEPRESSED..I'M LIVING A PATHETIC LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOMEBODY HELP ME PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[JillLars]

Hey pharoah monch. Take a few seconds and calm down a little bit. Please don't make any rash decisions right now. I understand what its like to not get along to well with your family, but if you are having thoughts of suicide I suggest you talk to them immediately, tell them you want to see a counseler, immediately, like tomorrow morning. Even if you feel like you can't talk to them, you have to. If they don't do anything, then call a suicide hotline, and talk to someone there, talk to a teacher, call the hospital and ask to speak to a counseler.

God loves you so much, he sent his only son to die for us. There is nothing you have done that can't be forgiven. God washes away our mistakes. In the same sense, God provides us with many outlets for depression, some of them being prayer, others being medical in nature. I think that you should talk to a doctor about your depression, that will be God's way of taking away your pain. It won't happen fast, but it can be done. Please get some help quickly. I am going to be praying for you.

 

[Auntie]

Hey, just take a deep breath and relax, we're all human here. I think everyone has times when life gets unbearable. We all screw up, and people will always fail us. But that's the darkness before the dawn. Just hang on, and know that the future has hope in it.

I've had many days when I just wanted to die. But I am happy now, and I am able to enjoy life. You can too, but you have to get thru this difficult time first.

 

[Pharoah Monch]

:sighs: i wish your words could help me, i still feel this feeling of "numbness" and apathy towards life...and this not the first time, trust me....................i came here just to ask for help and to make friends maybe cuz i'm very alone even though i have a big family..................................................................................i dunno what else to say, sorry.

 

[JillLars]

hey pharoah monch, you have come to the right place to make friends, and to ask for help. But please take my advice and seek professional help, you may be suffering from clinical depression, or another disorder, and you could benefit from medication as well as counseling. hang in there pal, and feel free to PM me if you ever want to talk.

 

[Auntie]

:sighs: i wish your words could help me, i still feel this feeling of "numbness" and apathy towards life...and this not the first time, trust me....................i came here just to ask for help and to make friends maybe cuz i'm very alone even though i have a big family..................................................................................i dunno what else to say, sorry.

Just say you'll give us a chance to be your friend.

Life can be VERY lonely, but reaching out to others is the best thing to do. We all need each other.

 

[Cher]

Hi Pharoah Monch, You probably already heard suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. My brother commited suicide it was so painful for my family and still is, that was 24 years ago. I have tried to kill myself before it was a long time ago about 20 years ago. Once someone stangled me to death and I went to heaven and Jesus said "It's not your time yet, go back." I am telling you it's not your time yet! I know someone that had a problem with the same kind of stuff your going through and you know what, he got through it and you will to. I am happy to write to you, please feel free to discuss this with me. God will never let us go through anything that we can not handle. I would like to pray with you about this please write to me. Why don't you bow your head down and we will pray together. Others who read this please also come into agreement with this prayer. Jesus, we come before you asking that you forgive us of our sins and wash us clean with your blood. We love you Jesus and we want to do right things before you. We want to obey you because we love you. We are weak especially Pharoah Monch right now. Please let us come before our father clean. Father God, we love you and we need you to let your Holy Spirit take controll of our lives. Please right now father God let the Holy Spirit filter our minds from all impure thoughts. Help us keep our bodies clean from all impure acts. Help us keep our eyes off of flith. Help us to be strong and resist the evil things of this world. Fill our minds with hope and a future. Help us bring and keep our minds on pure good thoughts. God please forgive us. Help your children. Take away the pain we feel from rejection. Let us know your love for us. Fill us up Holy Spirt with the fruit of the Spirit. Please continue to complete the work you began in us. In Jesus name we pray. Satan, You have no power here we rebuke you. Flea Satan we take no part in you and your ways. We break all the chains that bind us. We command every evil spirit that is attacking us to go to the pit of Hell NOW in the name of Jesus. We comand all demond to leave us alone. Demons you have no place in our lives any more GO NOW we cast you Ouy in the name of Jesus. Jesus Please continue to look upon us with pitty. Forgive us for we don't understand all that we do wrong. We release the power of Gods blessing and forgiveness upon our lives right now. We thank you Father God for your love and we trust in you to help us. In Jesus name we pray. Amen. If yopu did not read this aloud you need to. Please do so. I want you to know that God loves you and you are important. Keep your eyes on God. Read His word and resist looking at por. It will just make you want more. The Bible says resist the devil and he will flee. It also says, the flesh can never be satisfied. You know what God can satisfiy you. I care, Love in Christ, Cherie By the way, what kind of church do you go to? There are alot of bad ones out there, but there are good ones to the understand the truth.

 

[GodOwnsMe]

just prayed for ya.......... I know a little bit of this, but it's never been anything serious like that for me.
Cry out to God & try & trust Him, I think that's one of the best, or then best thing you can do, tell Him how you feel and ask Him for help, tell Him you feel you've messed up too much.....everything. Also, there's lots of comforting stuff in the psalms, like psalm 34, or 18, etc etc, 23
don't give up now, there was this guy on here some time ago w/ the SN screamin-to-God-till-I-die,
when I kinda got these thoughts in my head, and sometimes remember this, like no, I'm not gonna give up before...... well I'm never gonna do it cause I still hope in God helping me.
I'm kinda familiar with the lonelyness & self-hate/messing up thing, and I believe that God's the way out, that He has all the answers anbd solutions, if you ever wanna talk, pm/IM/e-mail me..
love ya,
Karen
maybe one thing: I'm often like getting into all these negative thoughts, and found I also got the chance to fight & look up, I wrote some stuff on this and most of it goes like WHATEVER it is, God is bigger. No matter how big the pain is or the stuff you can't get over yourself (like in psalm 18..with God I can jump over walls. I think there's even one that says I can jum pver mountains . Like the story of Jesus& Peter walking on the water. It's impossible for people to do that, but trusting in God, Peter could even walk on the water.
if you have trouble believing God forgives you, and you can come back, look at the story of the prodigial son, or Peter saying he didn't know Jesus.

well to me stuff that's in the bible is like wow, gotta be true so it helps me loads. Is that different for you ? Like it's more of that numb feeling ?

 

[Stanfi]

I want to invite you to visit a website:

www.behindthebadge.net

Vist the links about suicide. There are better words on these pages than anything, I could say.

 

[ZiSunka]

somebody help me please!!!
i have planned to slit my wrists in front of the whole congregation at church.......i hate my life....its too ****ing lonely and depressive and i hate myself....i am a failure, i have failed God too many times....and he prolly forgot me.......i'm crying right now in lots of pain....i cut sometimes....i'm sick in my head, got problems with porn, and very "nasty" thoughts, and if i had the chance, i'd be out having random sex right now...cuz i gave up on true love.......i have no friends or anyone here to talk to...my fam is christian but they're so oblivious to whats going on in me.....i cant talk to them, we dont get along that well, and i could count with the fingers of my right hand how many times my pops has hugged me or told me he loves me and i still have fingers to spare..........i never finished high school.....used to have a girl, but shes gone, she went back to her country.....cuz i messed everything up....anyone help please!.........WHY DOESNT THIS PAIN JUST GOES AWAY!!!, WHY CANT GOD JUST TAKE IT AWAY, IF HE LOVES ME SO MUCH THEN WHY DOESNT THIS END?!?!?!.......................................................I HATE THIS!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE ME SO MUCH RIGHT NOW..I HATE BEING SAD AND DEPRESSED..I'M LIVING A PATHETIC LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOMEBODY HELP ME PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God never hates you, never forgets you, never wants you to be in endless pain.

Get into the car and take yourself to the emergency room right now and tell them what you've told us. Don't let this kill you, give life another try, with help this time.

People aren't wired to go it alone, and if your family isn't there for you, and your church isn't there for you, find people who WILL be there for you. A new church, loving friends, go to AA, even if you aren't an alcoholic because those people know how to be there for each other. There's an AA meeting around the clock in your city, just use the phone book to find their phone number, then call and find out where there is a meeting going on right now, and stay at the meetings wherever they are being held, until the desire to kill yourself goes away. Just don't try to go it alone anymore.

 

[Inspired]

You may be in such pain right now that you see no other solution than that of taking your own life. Please stop for a moment and consider what and who you will be leaving behind and that there are alternatives. No matter how alone and how much pain you feel right now there are people, family and friends, who love you. Your life belongs to them as well as you. They will help you if you let them. They will hurt for the rest of their lives if you leave them.Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. No problem is worth dying for.
National Suicide Hotline 1-800-784-2433. Call, get help. God wouldn't have put you on this earth if he didn't want you here. Give someone the chance to help you.

 

[Onwardclimb]

((((((((((((((((((((((Pharoah Monch)))))))))))))))))))),
I'm VERY SORRY you're going through this right now. PLEASE DON'T commit suicide. Think about where those thoughts are coming from. Hint: they DON'T come from God!!!!. You're in my prayers. Also, PLEASE remember the words of Paul and cast ALL your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you. PLEASE check out the story of Elijah the prophet in the Bible. He got soooooooo DEPRESSED he prayed that God would take his life; God still had work for him to do though, and instead of taking Elijah God nourished & comforted him and even sent him a true friend. The same God who did that for Elijah will SURELY do that for YOU, just come close to Him, tell Him EVERYTHING about your struggles, loneliness, and the pain your feeling. PLEASE depend on Him!!!!! Other people are only limited to listening to your problems/praying for you, however, GOD can actually do something about them.

Your in my prayers,
Onwardclimb

 

[jayebrownlee]

If you (or anyone for that matter) want to talk to someone who has been there, done that and bought the T-shirt then PM me

Jay

 

[Stanfi]

Here is another site that I like:

www.walking-wounded.net

The bottom line is you have to admit you have a proble, and that life IS worth living, and reach out for that help.

God will help you. You have to focus your eyes on him and not yourself. By wallowing in your own disconetment your eyes are on your own problem and not on God.

That's hard to explain and accept, but once you experince for yourself, then you will understand. Trust me!!

 

[GREG]

somebody help me please!!!
i have planned to slit my wrists in front of the whole congregation at church.......i hate my life....its too ****ing lonely and depressive and i hate myself....i am a failure, i have failed God too many times....and he prolly forgot me.......i'm crying right now in lots of pain....i cut sometimes....i'm sick in my head, got problems with porn, and very "nasty" thoughts, and if i had the chance, i'd be out having random sex right now...cuz i gave up on true love.......i have no friends or anyone here to talk to...my fam is christian but they're so oblivious to whats going on in me.....i cant talk to them, we dont get along that well, and i could count with the fingers of my right hand how many times my pops has hugged me or told me he loves me and i still have fingers to spare..........i never finished high school.....used to have a girl, but shes gone, she went back to her country.....cuz i messed everything up....anyone help please!.........WHY DOESNT THIS PAIN JUST GOES AWAY!!!, WHY CANT GOD JUST TAKE IT AWAY, IF HE LOVES ME SO MUCH THEN WHY DOESNT THIS END?!?!?!.......................................................I HATE THIS!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE ME SO MUCH RIGHT NOW..I HATE BEING SAD AND DEPRESSED..I'M LIVING A PATHETIC LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOMEBODY HELP ME PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

may I ask what is wrong with talk to your parents?

 

[JC4uNme]

Praying hard for you, Pharoah Monch.
I, too, have wanted to end my life. If you need someone to talk to, PM me. God does love you.

 

[JohnR7]

i am a failure, i have failed God too many times....

Jesus never fails. If we allow Him to do the work in our life, He will not fail. He can rescue, save, heal and deliver us. The Blood of Jesus cleanses us of all sin. The Blood of Jesus is the cure for depression, opression, repression and all anxiety.

WHY DOESNT THIS PAIN JUST GOES AWAY!!!, WHY CANT GOD JUST TAKE IT AWAY, IF HE LOVES ME SO MUCH THEN WHY DOESNT THIS END?!?!?!

Yeah, you want the consequences of your sin to go away, but you do not want to give up the sin or being a sinner. When we confess our sin before God, repent and ask to be cleansed, He will do just that. He will clean us up, and fill us up with the things of the Spirit: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Contentment, Happyness.

All of what your looking for can be found by living in the spirit, and no longer living your life in the flesh. Whatever demonic powers we are up against, all we need to do is use the Blood of Jesus.

I just repeat in my mind, the Blood, The Blood, The Precious Blood of Jesus. So we can be healed, we can be cleansed, we can be set free and delivered from all bondage, in and though the Blood of Jesus.

 

[Pharoah Monch]

"Yeah, you want the consequences of your sin to go away, but you do not want to give up the sin or being a sinner."
so, being depressed and feeling lonely and hating myself are the consequences of my sins???
and how do you know i dont wanna stop doing these sins, heh? more than anything!!!! i would give anything i have to stop doing these sins!!!

 

[A Taffer]

somebody help me please!!!
i have planned to slit my wrists in front of the whole congregation at church.......i hate my life....its too ****ing lonely and depressive and i hate myself....i am a failure, i have failed God too many times....and he prolly forgot me.......i'm crying right now in lots of pain....i cut sometimes....i'm sick in my head, got problems with porn, and very "nasty" thoughts, and if i had the chance, i'd be out having random sex right now...cuz i gave up on true love.......i have no friends or anyone here to talk to...my fam is christian but they're so oblivious to whats going on in me.....i cant talk to them, we dont get along that well, and i could count with the fingers of my right hand how many times my pops has hugged me or told me he loves me and i still have fingers to spare..........i never finished high school.....used to have a girl, but shes gone, she went back to her country.....cuz i messed everything up....anyone help please!.........WHY DOESNT THIS PAIN JUST GOES AWAY!!!, WHY CANT GOD JUST TAKE IT AWAY, IF HE LOVES ME SO MUCH THEN WHY DOESNT THIS END?!?!?!.......................................................I HATE THIS!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE ME SO MUCH RIGHT NOW..I HATE BEING SAD AND DEPRESSED..I'M LIVING A PATHETIC LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOMEBODY HELP ME PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Matthew 24:13 But he that shall endure unto the end, the same shall be saved.

This came to mind when I read your post. I hope it helps and that you feel better soon

 

[desi]

"Yeah, you want the consequences of your sin to go away, but you do not want to give up the sin or being a sinner."
so, being depressed and feeling lonely and hating myself are the consequences of my sins???
and how do you know i dont wanna stop doing these sins, heh? more than anything!!!! i would give anything i have to stop doing these sins!!!

Pharoah, is there anyone at your church pastor/priest who you respect enough to talk to about this? You are a very important person to Jesus and the rest of us and you need to get through this alive. It will be easier if you get help from Church or, if church is not an option, a school guidance counselor. I once felt as you do but now I've led an amazing life: Marines, pharmacy school, wife, beautiful children, its all because I did not end it all at a time of despair and sin similar to what you face now. My prayers are with you and God is too, whether you see him or not he's always there.