F
Fish Chickie
Guest
this may be long *cough*itis*cough*
me...i used to cut and depressed, my life going in a never ending circle of events and feelings. bad to worse to bad to worse. this is the path i took for about five years, cutting for about half of that time. nothing could pull me out of that cycle, my friends and family tried, even my boyfriend got deep into my problems trying to help, but every time they tried to help i got worse
you may think i was a ordinary Jane doe...an unbeliever and unsaved
BUT i wasn't, i was a Christian. but a Christian who never really believed that God could change my life. i became a Christian about five times before, re-dedicating my life to Jesus, but i always gave it up within two months. one reason was that i wasn't really pumped for God.
i love God. i just was not ready to hand my life over to Him to deal with anything and everything. i would have preferred to be a 'normal', go with the flow Christian. but of course, God being God, he had great things planned for me. When i asked God for spiritual gifts, i ended up with discernment, spiritual eyes [seeing demons/angels] and healing. Boy did i hate these gifts, i didn't see them as good gifts and i did not want them. i asked him to take them away, but lo and behold He didn't. my head exploded many times
finally i saw His point. the gifts he gives people are for a reason. i have seen angels on a few times, i can sense them all over the place. but i had seen many demons before the angels and i still do see many demons. i never used to be able to get them away, but now they bugger off when i tell them too. plus i have seen many beautiful things, such as gold dust falling in peoples hair/hands. i love my gifts now.
just recently i went on a camp. leading up to the camp, i was not wanting to go to it. i was sick of being a Christian and i wanted to walk away from God. my dad then pulled me out without telling me, i then realised that i did want to go to the camp. i fought for a spot at the camp with no avail. i started to go home, when at 10:30pm i got a call saying someone had pulled out with a broken collarbone. i rushed back to camp...and i went.
during that camp, God spoke to me again. this time i followed through with what He told me. he asked me to say something simple to a guy at the camp. i believed that it would make no difference to him as he probably already had heard it before. but it made a huge difference to him, he enjoyed the camp more.
God than gently put a thought into my head. it was simple enough, in the words, but not the action. it was: Lead Youth Group boy, that scared me. our youth group is small and ranges for 13yos to 23yos and i am in the middle of that age group [18]. i surprised my self in saying yes and He told me not to start until next year *hugs God* i told a good friend i made on camp, asked him to pray for me. the prayer didnt quite happen, as he started to prophesy over me. God said through my friend: the youth group will start off small-people will leave, so there will be only 2-3 people but as those few people will grow to know God more-more and more people will come, until there is 80 or more coming! that scares me in a way
so here i am once again a Christian but this time with a future. i would like to ask people to keep me in their prayers, so i can find the words to say and the actions to do. pray that i will do well through God's help and guidance. GOD IS AWESOME!!!
_________________
me...i used to cut and depressed, my life going in a never ending circle of events and feelings. bad to worse to bad to worse. this is the path i took for about five years, cutting for about half of that time. nothing could pull me out of that cycle, my friends and family tried, even my boyfriend got deep into my problems trying to help, but every time they tried to help i got worse
you may think i was a ordinary Jane doe...an unbeliever and unsaved
BUT i wasn't, i was a Christian. but a Christian who never really believed that God could change my life. i became a Christian about five times before, re-dedicating my life to Jesus, but i always gave it up within two months. one reason was that i wasn't really pumped for God.
i love God. i just was not ready to hand my life over to Him to deal with anything and everything. i would have preferred to be a 'normal', go with the flow Christian. but of course, God being God, he had great things planned for me. When i asked God for spiritual gifts, i ended up with discernment, spiritual eyes [seeing demons/angels] and healing. Boy did i hate these gifts, i didn't see them as good gifts and i did not want them. i asked him to take them away, but lo and behold He didn't. my head exploded many times
finally i saw His point. the gifts he gives people are for a reason. i have seen angels on a few times, i can sense them all over the place. but i had seen many demons before the angels and i still do see many demons. i never used to be able to get them away, but now they bugger off when i tell them too. plus i have seen many beautiful things, such as gold dust falling in peoples hair/hands. i love my gifts now.
just recently i went on a camp. leading up to the camp, i was not wanting to go to it. i was sick of being a Christian and i wanted to walk away from God. my dad then pulled me out without telling me, i then realised that i did want to go to the camp. i fought for a spot at the camp with no avail. i started to go home, when at 10:30pm i got a call saying someone had pulled out with a broken collarbone. i rushed back to camp...and i went.
during that camp, God spoke to me again. this time i followed through with what He told me. he asked me to say something simple to a guy at the camp. i believed that it would make no difference to him as he probably already had heard it before. but it made a huge difference to him, he enjoyed the camp more.
God than gently put a thought into my head. it was simple enough, in the words, but not the action. it was: Lead Youth Group boy, that scared me. our youth group is small and ranges for 13yos to 23yos and i am in the middle of that age group [18]. i surprised my self in saying yes and He told me not to start until next year *hugs God* i told a good friend i made on camp, asked him to pray for me. the prayer didnt quite happen, as he started to prophesy over me. God said through my friend: the youth group will start off small-people will leave, so there will be only 2-3 people but as those few people will grow to know God more-more and more people will come, until there is 80 or more coming! that scares me in a way
so here i am once again a Christian but this time with a future. i would like to ask people to keep me in their prayers, so i can find the words to say and the actions to do. pray that i will do well through God's help and guidance. GOD IS AWESOME!!!
_________________
