Waiting or pursuing?

[TammyinGA]

I’m new here. Married for 18 years, separated for 5. He’s lived with three women in those five years, so for my own sanity I just consider us divorced. I filed..he never signed.

The first years I focused all of my time and energy into my four children. But my kids have grown and I’m terribly lonely. The only friends I had before the separation were church friends. But, I left that church and moved to a mega church where I speak to no one. Just go, listen and leave. I work but there is no one there that I really share common interests with.

So my question is.... do you wait for God to put people in your life that He has chosen for you and your purpose? Or do you pursue those people? I feel like I’ve been waiting forever. Maybe it’s time I went out looking for friendships/relationships? I don’t even know where to start. How do I know what His plan is for me? I am lost. I feel like I have no purpose. What if my life is never as fulfilling as it once was?

 

[dayhiker]

Hi Tammy,
This is a question that people ask quite often and people line up for both sides of it. I've been on the side of get out and get moving as its easier to find people when we are out there.
One pastor years ago said the best way to find God path for your life is to be walking a part, as its easy for God to turn someone who is moving than to turn a person who is stopped. That resonated with me and its how I've lived my life. Feels its worked pretty well.
The other image I like it how we like to watch our kids playing. We don't usually give them direction in those time we just watch them playing and occasionally help them as they need it. We like our kids to be active more than sitting around. I think that is the way we as God children should be out and active and then as God sees we need some direction or help he will speak to us.
So I say pursue and if we start to pursue the wrong person God will let us now.

Besides its way more fun to get some practice flirting in than sit at home watching TV!

 

[Note]

I want to pursue, but I have issues talking to women because:
> I have been rejected in life more than accepted.
> I assume every woman is already married or involved with a guy, or just simply will claim to be.
> I am no savvy come-on line type of guy. I say what is on my mind when it is.... squirrel!!!!!

 

[dayhiker]

Well, Note, unless you live in a town of say 1000 people there are women out there looking for a guy.
There was a TED talk about a guy who like you was so afraid of being rejected that he did very little in his life.
He realized that if he didn't get over rejection he would have lived his life and missed most of what this life has to offer.
So he devised a plan as ask one question a day that he knew he would get a rejection. So went to a very nice hotel and asked for a room for the night and said he only had 5 dollars showing them the 5. Yup they reject his offer. Did that type of thing for 30 days. Even got a couple of yeses. But he learned to appreciate the nos he got.

So there is a way to change your life, but avoiding life isn't one of the ways to change it.

 

[Note]

Believe me. There are times I do try. Tried asking two people out for coffee this year alone. Rejected both times.

 

[dayhiker]

I've got two NOs in an evening at a dance. Two this year isn't many in my book.