Alright. Here we go.
I am 30 years old, straight.....
Over the past 4 years, I have met and slept with about 6-7 people.
All from match making sites. Not the smartest of moves to do. I have been driven to much by lust, and sex... for what? Temporary thrills, and good feelings?
I met someone recently online, and we did not do anything except kiss, and what not,,,som touching and feeling, no sex. However, the next day she got uncomfortable because she realized, and made me realize you know what, that wasnt smart...we are professional young people, who moved to quick, and to soon. This is a good thing. She said I want you to get an STD Panel check, like 7-10 checks including all of the various typical tests that come with it, and I never really thought about it before. It made me nervous because it made me review past relationships/encounters with woman. I have never used drugs, never been with someone of the same sex. I just have had this lust meeting woman online, mostly 22-30 yr old caucasian woman, one 40 yr old woman in the past. I guess I was lonely, and just ...well wasnt using good judgement , thinking about how deseperate for what>......I look back on my past behavior, and I can only say how horrible.
So for the past few days, I have been living in severe anxiety, worrying about my test results.........I am looking at this as a hardening of character lesson from god, to start living a more christian life.
I was really diving deep into statistics on cdc sites, and other medical association sites, driving my self with statistical number crunching. It seems that it is highly unlikely for an infected woman to pass HIV to a male partner with unprotected regular sexual intercourse. Statistics state as low as 1 in 2000 chance with the use of no protection, but even at a .0005% chance roughly, I still am paranoid, and worry. I have had alot of 1 time regular sex encounters with woman I met online, all for what? quick thrills..horrible.....
so here I am waiting until Tuesday next week for the results I believe of 7-10 different tests.
I come home, start reading the bible, and I am focusing intently on Romans 6, 7, and 8.
Last night was hard sleeping, anxiety was keeping me up, it was a mixture of emotions, worrying about what I could be , or could of been exposed to, and what a way to have been conducting myself in a fashion that is not acceptable to God.
Romans 6:11
In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin, but alive in God in Christ Jesus. Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body, so that you obey its evil desires. Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickdness, but rather ofer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness. For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law; but under grace.
A passage that is similar, but I like it because it makes me realize about this anxiety/fear I have:
Romans 8:12
Therefore, brothers, we have an obligation--but it is not to the sinful nature, to live according to it. For if you live according to sinful nature, to live according to it. For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live, because those who are led by the spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." The spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are Gods children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs--heirs of God, and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.
Romans 19:20
WHen you were slaves to sin, you were free from the control of rightousness. What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death! But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is Eternal Life. For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.
-----
My prayer request is, that I can receive help from people asking God that he has forgiven me for my actions in the past, and that I also pray that my results come back fine. Medical Doctors state I hahve an extremely lost chance of getting HIV, less then 1%, but the anxiety is still there. This is my wakeup call from God I believe, to live a more pleasing life for him.
Please people, just pray that he heals my anxiety, I am a single guy, who has had issues with controlling desires for lust. Please keep me in thoughts, so that over the next few days while I wait for results, my anxiety can be healed, and I can enjoy myself, and just be happy. I am greatful for meeting this person, who triggered me to get tests, who thus triggered me to get back closer to God again.
I hope this wasnt a ramble
I am 30 years old, straight.....
Over the past 4 years, I have met and slept with about 6-7 people.
All from match making sites. Not the smartest of moves to do. I have been driven to much by lust, and sex... for what? Temporary thrills, and good feelings?
I met someone recently online, and we did not do anything except kiss, and what not,,,som touching and feeling, no sex. However, the next day she got uncomfortable because she realized, and made me realize you know what, that wasnt smart...we are professional young people, who moved to quick, and to soon. This is a good thing. She said I want you to get an STD Panel check, like 7-10 checks including all of the various typical tests that come with it, and I never really thought about it before. It made me nervous because it made me review past relationships/encounters with woman. I have never used drugs, never been with someone of the same sex. I just have had this lust meeting woman online, mostly 22-30 yr old caucasian woman, one 40 yr old woman in the past. I guess I was lonely, and just ...well wasnt using good judgement , thinking about how deseperate for what>......I look back on my past behavior, and I can only say how horrible.
So for the past few days, I have been living in severe anxiety, worrying about my test results.........I am looking at this as a hardening of character lesson from god, to start living a more christian life.
I was really diving deep into statistics on cdc sites, and other medical association sites, driving my self with statistical number crunching. It seems that it is highly unlikely for an infected woman to pass HIV to a male partner with unprotected regular sexual intercourse. Statistics state as low as 1 in 2000 chance with the use of no protection, but even at a .0005% chance roughly, I still am paranoid, and worry. I have had alot of 1 time regular sex encounters with woman I met online, all for what? quick thrills..horrible.....
so here I am waiting until Tuesday next week for the results I believe of 7-10 different tests.
I come home, start reading the bible, and I am focusing intently on Romans 6, 7, and 8.
Last night was hard sleeping, anxiety was keeping me up, it was a mixture of emotions, worrying about what I could be , or could of been exposed to, and what a way to have been conducting myself in a fashion that is not acceptable to God.
Romans 6:11
In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin, but alive in God in Christ Jesus. Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body, so that you obey its evil desires. Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickdness, but rather ofer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness. For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law; but under grace.
A passage that is similar, but I like it because it makes me realize about this anxiety/fear I have:
Romans 8:12
Therefore, brothers, we have an obligation--but it is not to the sinful nature, to live according to it. For if you live according to sinful nature, to live according to it. For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live, because those who are led by the spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." The spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are Gods children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs--heirs of God, and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.
Romans 19:20
WHen you were slaves to sin, you were free from the control of rightousness. What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death! But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is Eternal Life. For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.
-----
My prayer request is, that I can receive help from people asking God that he has forgiven me for my actions in the past, and that I also pray that my results come back fine. Medical Doctors state I hahve an extremely lost chance of getting HIV, less then 1%, but the anxiety is still there. This is my wakeup call from God I believe, to live a more pleasing life for him.
Please people, just pray that he heals my anxiety, I am a single guy, who has had issues with controlling desires for lust. Please keep me in thoughts, so that over the next few days while I wait for results, my anxiety can be healed, and I can enjoy myself, and just be happy. I am greatful for meeting this person, who triggered me to get tests, who thus triggered me to get back closer to God again.
I hope this wasnt a ramble
