Volunteering vs "being sent"

[MERCY@GRACE]

Hi, I would really like to get some feedback to help better understand something. Just a little background, my dad was AF,and my dh is army so the military is all I know.I actually like being a military dependent, but I will admit, w/ IRAQ happenings I wouldn't mind if dh told me he was getting out.


When the first units were being sent out, my dh in a roundabout way told me he had volunteered to go over to afghanistan. I was really upset b/c he had just gotten back from Kosovo (he was there for 6mo)and we just had our 4th baby! I felt like he was putting the military before us, as to fullfill some sort of dream......to be a part of a war, get a medal,recognition etc. My dh is not saved and I couldn't(at that time) imagine him dying in battle w/out knowing Christ. Now-had he been given "ORDERS" to go over there, I still would not have been thrilled but would readily accept it, b/c it was out of his hands so to speak.

When I asked him why did he volunteer, he just told me 'I wouldn't understand". We have a good relationship and communication has never been a big problem for us, so it stumped me when he couldn't explain himself. Anyway he ended up not getting picked, and got picked up for drill duty Praise God! But I know, unless God intervenes he will be sent eventually. So my ? is.... would you "volunteer"(for those already in the military) if you had a wife and kids at home? Was I being selfish not to stand behind his decision 100%?

Yes,Yes, I know that when I married him war was a possibility, and I ACCEPT that, but to me I just see "volunteering" when you have a family totally diff! TIA

~IN HIM

 

[daveleau]

I would volunteer, but my situation is much different. On the ground, there are many threats, deployments are longer and life is not that great. I am in the USAF and fly a B-52. There are no surface to air threats any longer (at least that can touch us) and we would never land in hostile territory. So, my situation is different, and I would volunteer for such duty if my squadron was called to work there. If I was on the ground in the Army and had a family such as yours (new baby), I'd think twice about it. I joined the USAF rather than the USA because of (among other reasons) the safety factor, because I am married.

I really hope he gets into church. He needs God, and you need a husband that is like-minded. -not only for decisions such as this, but spiritually. I hope that is an important aspect of your life right now (getting him into church and getting his life dedicated to God).

God bless you,
Dave

 

[Sybaris]

Comraderie, a sense of duty, or an unselfish desire to help, or a combination of all 3 is why he volunteered.
During the last 5-10 years of my career I got a real sense of selflessness. I'd look at these kids coming through and think that if anything happens I hope I can teach them something to ensure their survival or even take the hit for them so that they can live as full a life as I already had.

 

[LostnFound]

I very much understand what you are saying. I don't have a quick and easy answer for you. Is it a selfish attitude? Maybe. Are we entitled? I think so. I think the bottom line is that, as service members, they have to do what they have to do. And, as guys (smack me if I'm wrong, guys), I think they are often just hardwired different. We crochet blankets, and collect donations...they go shoot something.

For me...I blow off steam to other wives, or my therapist( LOL!), and when I have blown off enough, I suck it up and figure out what I need to do to carry on. You know the drill...shift into CincHouse mode.

We can surley respect and support the jobs our spouses do. That doesn't mean that it isn't a SERIOUS cramp in our lives from time to time (or A LOT!).
I'm praying for you and with you!!!! HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Rik]

One thing most non-military people will probably never understand is the "peer-pressure" (for lack of a better word) to be the hardest stuff possible. I can only speak for the Army of course, but I've seen it first hand and experienced it too, although I didn't succumb. What I mean is that it's sometimes all about "bragging rights". One thing I noticed during my time in the Army was that soldiers loved to brag about who went to the most austere environment, who did the most time away from home, who had it the hardest. Woe to you if you don't have a combat patch, you're seen as less of a soldier than someone who does. I used to work with guys who would say stuff like "I work til 2100 every night, I never see my family", and it almost sounds like they're bragging about it, like it's some kind of badge of honor. So that could definitely be one reason why he felt he needed to volunteer and didn't think you'd understand. In the eyes of the family, it makes no sense, but in the eyes of the other Army guys, it's praised as "dedication to the mission".

I don't know your husband, but I'm telling you, when you're in the military and there's a war (or two) going on, the urge to go and do your part is very powerful.

 

[Shown Much Mercy]

One thing most non-military people will probably never understand is the "peer-pressure" (for lack of a better word) to be the hardest stuff possible. I can only speak for the Army of course, but I've seen it first hand and experienced it too, although I didn't succumb. What I mean is that it's sometimes all about "bragging rights". One thing I noticed during my time in the Army was that soldiers loved to brag about who went to the most austere environment, who did the most time away from home, who had it the hardest. Woe to you if you don't have a combat patch, you're seen as less of a soldier than someone who does. I used to work with guys who would say stuff like "I work til 2100 every night, I never see my family", and it almost sounds like they're bragging about it, like it's some kind of badge of honor. So that could definitely be one reason why he felt he needed to volunteer and didn't think you'd understand. In the eyes of the family, it makes no sense, but in the eyes of the other Army guys, it's praised as "dedication to the mission".

I don't know your husband, but I'm telling you, when you're in the military and there's a war (or two) going on, the urge to go and do your part is very powerful.

So true Rik. You cannot even serve as a new LT. in Ranger Regiment now without a combat patch. I always wanted to go to combat like every one else. It is kind of frustrating just training all the time and never doing it for real. I remember early on (as a young Marine) that I wanted nothing more than to see combat. No matter how many high speed schools a guy here in the Army (I switched branches) has, he will always lose an arguement against someone who has seen combat for real. I got all that out of my system with Iraq so I would be content finishing my time up as an Instructor somewhere, lol.

 

[MERCY@GRACE]

Rik&shownmercy-I think you may have hit the nail on the head. Something my dad said to me when I was a little girl has always stuck w/ me. He was in vietnam, and we were watching a war movie,and I think I may have asked him a ? about war. He told me alot of men want to go to war b/c movies make it look "glamoruos" but once they get over there, they want to be home right away!

 

[Katydid]

My husband actually "volunteered" for Afghanistan, BUT, it wasn't his choice. Sounds strange I know. What happened was when the SGM in charge of his MOS asked who should be sent with this one unit, they told her that my husband should go. He had alot of experience with the tactical stuff because he had been deployed before and he worked at a depot where all they did was fix the stuff. She came up, said "you can either volunteer, or I will fight to get you there". His commander told him, "I'll support you if you don't want to go, but I will lose". So he "volunteered". The thing is, if you volunteer, it shows up on your award. It looks good for you. My husband had no choice, but others who posted are right, it looks good when you go before a promotion board, that you volunteered.

 

[The Saint 777]

In the US Military you are given orders, if you don't follow those orders you are court martialed charged with desertion, and then put in jail. When they sign the dotted line you are now property of the US Goverment believe it or not. So can you volunteer if you've already been over seas in the war zone yes...can you wait for your 2nd Deployment yes...can you just skip out? No. Its not about being the best individual like most would like you to believe its about being the best to keep yourself alive, and your comrads alive.