Victim Mentality

[Moriah Ruth 777]

I have a question.

What exactly is Victim Mentality? How does it affect us with our relationship with God, our spouses, children, co-workers? And how does one overcome it?

Moriah Ruth

 

[Kristen.NewCreation]

I think victim mentality is where a person sees themselves the victim of anything or everything negative, where others aren't helpful to them, but against them.

I would imagine that it impacts all relationships in a negative way - being unable to see anything positive in their lives, having difficulty choosing to make positive choices, etc.

Wow.. how to overcome? I would guess it would take the support and encouragement and help of a professional counselor and a supportive friend who is willing to help them recognize when they are taking on a victim mindset based on behaviors or spoken word.

I can't imagine that recovery would be an easy journey at all from this particular mindset.

 

[Moriah Ruth 777]

Thank you Kristen.

So are you saying that when someone is trying to help the one that has the victim mentality mindset, that they see it as a negative? Because maybe they think or believe that no one else understands what they are going through?

 

[Kristen.NewCreation]

It's hard to know... but when we think we are victims, it's difficult to see what is positive.

I know that when I have tried to set boundaries with people who tend to be negative about everything, they have difficulty thinking that I care about them. They have said things like I was being mean, or yelling at them, etc., when all I've done is say that they can't talk to me like that. Or they can't call me after a certain hour of the night, or after talking for an hour I need to go, then they tell me I don't care or they don't matter.

So I guess what I'm saying, is that it's just really tough for them to understand that people care, but have limitations and boundaries.

 

[Moriah Ruth 777]

Thank you Kristen. Blessings to you.

 

[JohnDB]

Victim mentality is when people become perpetrators to the originally abused.
The abused, focuses so much upon their wounds that it becomes a habit and are consumed with thinkingof tthemselves. Which then turns into a form of narcissism.

Other people are in one of two categories of either victims or abusers. Even innocent people become perpetrators in the abused minds and the abused does all they can to become abused once again by those involved in their lives either by angering the person they wish to fabricate into a perp or by queens-right syndrome.

 

[writtenword]

The victim mentality often has three ways of manifesting:

- Believing that the bad experience will define them for the rest of time. They see themselves in that moment of abuse no matter how long ago it was. They will never get married, they will never finish college, they will always be sick, because of what happened. Yes the process of healing is long and slow - but there is a process, and it starts with telling yourself that one day you will succeed.

- Believing no one can help because no one had it as bad them. Their pain is so exquisitely intense that it cannot be understood by others. This can be exacerbated by well-meaning people who really don't understand and end up disappointing the victim. The victim then starts believing that all counselors/fellow survivors are just as phony. The enemy uses isolation as a really big weapon.

- Believing that every bad thing in the future is more abuse. They see the whole world as abusive, they feel like all other people are out to get them, so they tend to see every problem as more persecution.

This can become a vicious cycle. Unqualified people try to help or counsel them, the victim is too hurt to accept the ineffective help, the victim then begins to resent that person as being phony, the person then gives up, and the victim then feels vindicated that no one really wants to help. Once a victim gets into that cycle, it is really hard to break out.