Very confused?

[Puddlehoppz]

Okay, i am a 17 year old boy in 10th grade. I've been raised in a Christian home, so I know basically what is good/bad from the bible. My problem is, that for as long as I can remember, I've been attracted to men. As a child, I had heard my parents call homosexuality a disgusting sin, so I just chalked up my feelings to me "comparing" myself to other guys. I remember being 5 and telling myself that I had to find a wife, and that was like my biggest goal. As I grew up, I began recognizing that I was honestly attracted to men. I prayed everyday that my feelings would go away. I have no sexual attraction to women at all. I prayed to start having feelings for women. Nothing changed. It hurt so bad when my parents would see a gay person and say how disgusting they are. It still hurts to think about it. I can't seem to change, no matter how much I pray. I've tried cutting out any websites that had pictures of guys on them, such as photography sites, but when I'm at school, I can't help seeing the boys in my grade. I really can't see myself in a happy relationship with a girl. I've tried forcing a relationship, but it's just that, forced. I have nobody to talk to about this either, as my parents and everyone in my town completely condemn homosexuality. I just don't know what to do, as I feel that I was born like this, and I would be unhappy in a relationship with a woman. I can't see how god would send me to hell for loving someone I'm not supposed to. What should I do?
Also, I do have a bad relationship with my dad. He's not usually home, and he's not a very warmhearted person. I know that most people might think that because of that, I crave love from a guy, but I honestly don't believe that. I think I'd feel this way even if we were close.

 

[belovedharlot]

deleted

 

[RuthD]

I think it would be good for you to see a school guidance counselor. Please don't be scared of being judged there because I don't think you will be. I am praying for you.

 

[Puddlehoppz]

Thank you. My problem with seeing a guidance counselor is that she's my aunt. I would rather talk to my parents, and I'd hate to do that. What I pray for is actually just a want to be with a girl. I've met girls who are amazing in every way, but the problem is that I could care less if we talked or hung out. I don't have a want to really be with a girl. I can't help it, but I just like guys so much more. Like I said before, I can't get it out of my head. I see these guys in my class everyday.

 

[Puddlehoppz]

Thanks for the answers you guys.
The problem with the guidance counselor thing is that she is my aunt. Besides, I live in a very small religious town, so rumors spread quickly and people aren't tolerant. My biggest concern isn't really lusting for a woman, although that would be helpful, but actually being happy with one. I feel happiest and so safe and just fulfilled when I hang out with a guy. When I'm with a girl, like on a date, I feel like I just want it to be over. Even if I like the girl.

 

[anonym00s]

Okay, i am a 17 year old boy in 10th grade. I've been raised in a Christian home, so I know basically what is good/bad from the bible. My problem is, that for as long as I can remember, I've been attracted to men. As a child, I had heard my parents call homosexuality a disgusting sin, so I just chalked up my feelings to me "comparing" myself to other guys. I remember being 5 and telling myself that I had to find a wife, and that was like my biggest goal. As I grew up, I began recognizing that I was honestly attracted to men. I prayed everyday that my feelings would go away. I have no sexual attraction to women at all. I prayed to start having feelings for women. Nothing changed. It hurt so bad when my parents would see a gay person and say how disgusting they are. It still hurts to think about it. I can't seem to change, no matter how much I pray. I've tried cutting out any websites that had pictures of guys on them, such as photography sites, but when I'm at school, I can't help seeing the boys in my grade. I really can't see myself in a happy relationship with a girl. I've tried forcing a relationship, but it's just that, forced. I have nobody to talk to about this either, as my parents and everyone in my town completely condemn homosexuality. I just don't know what to do, as I feel that I was born like this, and I would be unhappy in a relationship with a woman. I can't see how god would send me to hell for loving someone I'm not supposed to. What should I do?
Also, I do have a bad relationship with my dad. He's not usually home, and he's not a very warmhearted person. I know that most people might think that because of that, I crave love from a guy, but I honestly don't believe that. I think I'd feel this way even if we were close.

Your negating your own prayers! That's why it is not working! I tell people this all the time but few seem to listen. There are lies you are believing somewhere in your life that you have to reject and replace with the truth.

The latter part of your post seems like you want affirmation that homosexuality is ok - it is destructive and you'll get no such afirmation from the Word or from me. If I sound frustrated in that, it is because time after time I see people that don't really want help out of homosexuality but simply want an excuse to go further into it.

You doing what alot of people who deal with the issue do - go to the extreme! You are trying to force yourself to the opposite extreme and let me tell you now it WON'T WORK. It won't work because you are not dealing with the root issue.

I recommend banap.net as a good resource for dealing with this issue. I also do NOT recommend seeing a school counselor because there is a good chance they will just tell to homosexuality is OK and because you are getting advice based on the miserable principles of the world rather than God's Word.

This is all from a guy who has dealt with the exact same thing and no longers struggles with it as you describe.