My father and I have the worst of relationships you'll ever imagine, he has been my major source of problems in my life such as financial injustice, emotional abuse and depression. Through God's help I have beaten depression a long time ago, however the emotional abuse is still lingering. He has literally tried to destroy my life on many fronts, and the same issues were experienced by everyone in my maternal family. Everything that I did or tried to do, was met by ridicule from him, especially if we are in public......he does love a fair share of public humiliation. He is the sort of person that if he wants a beer, and you are having your meal, you'll have to stop eating to get him a beer, and if you refuse he'll start digging up stories ever as far as from my primary years.
My brothers got heaps of money from him, yet as for me, he gave me nothing......never mind though, I do not expect anything because it's his money, not mine, and I am not materialistic at all.
We are on talking terms.....but on bare necessities ONLY. I forgive him for everything, I wish nothing but the best for him and I literally do love him, even though when we meet (which is very very often) I usually end up getting a boiling sweep of anger and rage, and usually explode at the first hint of disagreement from his side. I try to zone him out completely.....but rarely attain that.
Now I am doing my best to answer God's call to sacerdotal life....and I currently am in this confusing and disheartening place we call discernment. And trust me, his presence does tend to affect me......a lot.
I just don't know what to do any more.....because he still is my father.....and I do love him.....but like I say.....when I see him I start getting a flush of anger.
Your Father has problems....
He is imperfect and is not following Christ.
Your father is relying on the ways of the world and not God's ways.
Your father has low self esteem so he belittles others.
Your father likes controling other to make himself the center
so he can get his own way at the expense of others.
Why would this suprise you?
This is the fallen nature of mankind that puts self first and all others
under their feet as if they are a god unto themselves.
Remember satans desire, to be God and to be worship and served?
We all have this nature that comes from satan that wants to be adored,
served, obeyed and fulfilled in our every desire without any reguard
or love for others.
I am not saying your father has no love but his love is flawed and is
conditional in that those who obey and fulfill his will will be rewarded.
God is not this way, God loved us while we were yet sinners and
His enemies and yet He came into the world as a man (Christ) to show
us that He loves us and wants us to receive His love and forgiveness,
not because we are good enough but because He chose to love us.
So your father is not walking in the love that is from above but the
conditional love that comes from this fallen world and its ruler.
So what can you do to turn this around?
Love your father as Christ loved you in that even when you did not
know Him and were at odds with Him and His will, He chose to love
you not based on your worthiness but on His choice to love you.
Love your father.
Don't let his actions cause you to hate.
Anticipate his moves and bless him before he ask.
Tell him when he brings up your past failures that you were wrong
and that Christ has forgiven you and you hope to do better in the future.
Don't return your fathers misbehavior with anger, embarassment or
fear but look him in the eye and say: I know I have made mistake but
I love you.
We must be willing to love others as Christ loves us as this is the way
we defeat the devils working in our lives and bring others to Christ.
Even if your father makes fun of you declaration of love based not
on his deserving it but based on your choice to do it, God will use
your love to work in your fathers life.
Forgive your father.
Bless your father in your prayers.
Ask God to come into his life and to show him the way to Himself through Christ
or to show him his failure to follow after Christ's ways.
Remember when Christ was on the cross and those who lied against
Him and cause Him to be murdered were standing at His feet?
What did Christ pray?
Father forgive them, they do not know what they are doing.
Your father is just as blind to the truth as those who put Christ on the cross.
FORGIVE....
I know it is hard and in fact it is impossible without God's help but once
you say the words: "Father forgive my dad as I now forgive him as I now
place him in your hands for help, blessing for his redemtion and salvation" God will give you
the strength you need to continue to move down this path of love for your father as you continue
to prayer for his salvation and or walk with God.
God will bring about and healing in your heart and your father's heart also
when you forgive and bless your father, even when you think he doesn't deserve it.
No one deserves God's love, blessings, forgiveness or salvation and yet
God offers it freely to anyone who will accept His love for them as
expressed in God with man, Jesus Christ.
God's way is best.
Love conquers evil....
I hope this helps you.
Perhaps it will take time for you to forgive and look your father in the eye
and tell him that you love him but if you are willing to go God's way, He
will cause this to come about in your life and He will give you the strength
to love your father as He now loves you, unconditionally and absolutely.
