Venting

[river82]

*sigh*

i'm sorry, i just need to vent. Respond if u want, don't if u don't want.

So after 10 years of being officially split up, my dad announces too me that him and a female friend of his are...well, he didn't say they were together, so i had to ask. Then he goes "well if you wanna know if we're bonking, then yes we are!" and i got angry at him cos i really didn't wanna know that. He was like "this is how it is, and you've just gotta wear it" and i wasn't even saying anything or giving him attitude. It made me angry.

Then he started telling me what my mum wasn't and what this woman is, and i just didn't wanna hear it.

Am i dishonouring my dad by writing this here? I just gotta vent. I don't know what to do with this stuff. I'm gonna see someone.

This just topped my day off yesterday...i was really struggling yesterday, i felt like i had so much anger and confusion. I've written about some of it in my other posts here and there. I have alot of anger and anxiety, and although i haven't self harmed for a long time, my occasional thoughts of it are becoming more frequent and i keep making a point of thinking about other things when i catch myself out.

What helps you out after a really crap day? What gets your mind off stuff and helps you relax and clear your mind of rubbish?

 

[Johnnz]

It hurts when a marriage breaks up. But when it does the two people still have their own lives to live. No one can replace a parent. But a parent may remarry and that needs to be worked through. "Blended" families have many issues to face. Where a child does this without losing their parent(s) thay have gained something very valuable.

John
NZ

 

[madison1101]

Your father should not violate certain boundaries. Those include not informing you of his sex life and details of what led to the break-up of his marriage to your mother. Tell him you don't like when those boundaries are violated, and that you don't like when he crosses those boundaries and that you are hurt by it.

My kids don't have to deal with that because my ex and I are very private with our divorce information.

Hugs,
Trish

 

[river82]

Yeah...i was pretty clear with him. I think he was drunk when he told me. He called me last night to apologise which was nice, and we had a good talk. I told him that i didn't wanna hear his comparisons with this woman and my mum.

I'm 24 years old, so it's not too full on a dynamic to deal with. I came to terms with my family breakdown a long time ago. It does feel a bit strange though.

In many ways my dad is a reasonable bloke, but sometimes, especially when he's had a drink, he can be really arrogant and difficult to have a healthy conversation with.

 

[HoneyComb Son]

hey river..i know the torment and anguish of the mind..and what thoughts can cause..the answer is in the bible..it is easy to read..but hard to do..but worth it...i forget were.but the bible says to think on good things..things worthy of praise..worthy of honour.and lovely things...so in other words..think on the goodness of God..and on other good things...it wil be hard..but worth it..as your thoughts can be the predictive of how you feel..bad thoughts make you angry..good thoughts can make you feel better.but anyway..think on good things..

i will pray for you..for God to help you and give you peace and strength..

 

[UnitynLove]

You father is angry right now and hurting people hurt. Know that he didn't mean this to hurt you but he is hurt himself and he vented at you, which is totally wrong, not for anger but because of what he is going through. I am praying for you.

 

[If Not For Grace]

well, he didn't say they were together, so i had to ask

You asked--remember...

You did not get the answer you wanted and that made you angry. Reasonable, but that's how life is.

The truth is often not pretty, but it is what it is..This was your Dad's business and you invaded his space (or I'm guessing that was his take on it anyway)--so wrongly he let you have it w/both barrels.

This was just badly handled. He's still your dad, and you do not dishonor him by expressing your feelings. No need to tell Mom what he said or what he's doing--if you really want this fire to die down.

You still have your parents, they are just not together in the traditional sense. I know this hurt your feelings, and hope you can find some comfort. Time will heal your pain. Good for you for ranting and letting the toxins out.

 

[river82]

Hey everyone.

Thanks for your words.

Like i said, i am 24 and their breakdown happened 12 years ago. So it's not that i'm dealing with, it was just the way my dad handled it.

To dyanm, i know your words were well intended, but i feel you're way off. I asked my dad if they were together, like boyfriend and girlfriend, i didn't ask him about his sex life, or for other information he proceeded to give me. I'm no longer hurt by the idea of my parents not being together, nor am i hurt by the idea of them being with other people, but i am a little worried about how my mum will take it, or how it will be for her when we're all in a room together somewhere. I'll cross that bridge when i get to it.

Anyway, this is the first time i've had to deal with this family dynamic, that's all. I accept it, it just hit me on a bad day and i think my dad could have handled it alot better.

 

[UnitynLove]

Hey everyone.

Thanks for your words.

Like i said, i am 24 and their breakdown happened 12 years ago. So it's not that i'm dealing with, it was just the way my dad handled it.

To dyanm, i know your words were well intended, but i feel you're way off. I asked my dad if they were together, like boyfriend and girlfriend, i didn't ask him about his sex life, or for other information he proceeded to give me. I'm no longer hurt by the idea of my parents not being together, nor am i hurt by the idea of them being with other people, but i am a little worried about how my mum will take it, or how it will be for her when we're all in a room together somewhere. I'll cross that bridge when i get to it.

Anyway, this is the first time i've had to deal with this family dynamic, that's all. I accept it, it just hit me on a bad day and i think my dad could have handled it alot better.

The best thing when dealing with these situations is to just let God be God is there for you through it all. Amen.