for those who read and may remember my post, there was an incident in which a family member was abusive to my 4 yr old nephew.
I am so disappointed adn sort of at a loss over the reaction to that incident. My sister went into denial, and decided that even though she knows the abuse occured, she 'feels it will be safe for grampa to visit child' --- the only reason I can think of is because he is 'grampa'- if his name was Jon Smith from down the street, she would not let him near her son again w/o supervision, but somehow, bc it's 'grampa' it's ok??
Since that happened, I called her and left a message several times, over a period of 2 weeks, asking that she please call me, yet she never has returned my call. This to me indicates she just wants to forget it and pretend it didnt happen. My calling to discuss it is a reminder of the truth, and she doesnt want to deal iwth it, it's easier to forget it.
My brother also although I"m not surprised, I am still disapointed in his lack of reaction to his nephew being hurt, and for the potential for further harm.
This is the part that was most hurtful to me.
Me and one other person were the only people to witness what grampa did to nephew. My sister wasnt there to see it, so she was told later about what happened- and she believed it, she just doesnt want to deal with it.
But the part that really makes me mad is that when I told my brother what grampa did, he said he would 'have to call our sister to ask her about it...'
I pointed out that although he can do that, sister wasnt there to see it, that is like asking someone who wasnt at scene of an accident for the details on it, while ignoring the person who was at the accident!!
He called sister, on his own, and they reinvented the incident, basically.
I was talking to brother about it and he said "oh, yea, I called sister about it, and SHE says that she believes it happened, but she thinks she can trust him again, "
sister went on to say that she asked her 4 yr old about it, a day later, and that after talking to him she feels it 'wasnt that big a deal'.
I pointed out to my brother that a 4 yr old who was frightened and hurt by an adult, especially since right after it happened the adults ignored it, may not feel safe in saying how he really feels.
My brother asked me "oh, I see, MS child psychologist!!"
I asked him "are you making fun of me, by calling me MS. child psychologist?"
He said 'well, youre acting like you know so much about kids..."
I thought he knew I do know about kids, I have worked with children in several settings over the years and have taken psychology, child development and am a mom myself.
Anyways, I am really insulted and hurt that somehow my perceptions of what I saw, and what I know about children is somehow less valid or valued by him. This is how my family treats me in general, somehow even though our sister wasnt even THERE, he bypassed what me and my dd saw, and went and talked to her to get the 'official' opinion on it.
I am the blacksheep in a sense, (or maybe the white sheep?) because I am not in denial of past / present abuse.
It makes my head hurt how my brother can find a way to rationsalize anything he does-- 'no, he wasnt an alcoholic- he just sometimes liked to have a few drinks.."
yea,...right
I am so disappointed adn sort of at a loss over the reaction to that incident. My sister went into denial, and decided that even though she knows the abuse occured, she 'feels it will be safe for grampa to visit child' --- the only reason I can think of is because he is 'grampa'- if his name was Jon Smith from down the street, she would not let him near her son again w/o supervision, but somehow, bc it's 'grampa' it's ok??
Since that happened, I called her and left a message several times, over a period of 2 weeks, asking that she please call me, yet she never has returned my call. This to me indicates she just wants to forget it and pretend it didnt happen. My calling to discuss it is a reminder of the truth, and she doesnt want to deal iwth it, it's easier to forget it.
My brother also although I"m not surprised, I am still disapointed in his lack of reaction to his nephew being hurt, and for the potential for further harm.
This is the part that was most hurtful to me.
Me and one other person were the only people to witness what grampa did to nephew. My sister wasnt there to see it, so she was told later about what happened- and she believed it, she just doesnt want to deal with it.
But the part that really makes me mad is that when I told my brother what grampa did, he said he would 'have to call our sister to ask her about it...'
I pointed out that although he can do that, sister wasnt there to see it, that is like asking someone who wasnt at scene of an accident for the details on it, while ignoring the person who was at the accident!!
He called sister, on his own, and they reinvented the incident, basically.
I was talking to brother about it and he said "oh, yea, I called sister about it, and SHE says that she believes it happened, but she thinks she can trust him again, "
sister went on to say that she asked her 4 yr old about it, a day later, and that after talking to him she feels it 'wasnt that big a deal'.
I pointed out to my brother that a 4 yr old who was frightened and hurt by an adult, especially since right after it happened the adults ignored it, may not feel safe in saying how he really feels.
My brother asked me "oh, I see, MS child psychologist!!"
I asked him "are you making fun of me, by calling me MS. child psychologist?"
He said 'well, youre acting like you know so much about kids..."
I thought he knew I do know about kids, I have worked with children in several settings over the years and have taken psychology, child development and am a mom myself.
Anyways, I am really insulted and hurt that somehow my perceptions of what I saw, and what I know about children is somehow less valid or valued by him. This is how my family treats me in general, somehow even though our sister wasnt even THERE, he bypassed what me and my dd saw, and went and talked to her to get the 'official' opinion on it.
I am the blacksheep in a sense, (or maybe the white sheep?) because I am not in denial of past / present abuse.
It makes my head hurt how my brother can find a way to rationsalize anything he does-- 'no, he wasnt an alcoholic- he just sometimes liked to have a few drinks.."
yea,...right