unusual situation..

[solagratia]

I'm new here and I'll try to make this as concise as possible..
Got married when I was 19. Spiritually immature, married a guy who was either spiritually immature too, or not a christian (not sure). He dated while we were married, never admitted it, never repented, he filed for divorce. (I did go through counseling w/ my pastor throughout that time)
A couple months after we were divorced, ex-husband got a girl pregnant and married her. That was 1995.
In 2003 he called me from out of the blue to admit that he had cheated on me, that it wasn't my fault, and that he was sorry and asked forgiveness. (which I had given. - I forgave him years ago, even though we'd had no contact.)
I asked what prompted the call after all these years and he said that his wife was chearing on him, that they'd never had a good marriage b/c he had never gotten over me, etc.
We talked about his relationship w/ God and over the next few months he became a Christian (or returned to his faith, depending on if he was a christian before - nit picking, I know)
Over a year later, his wife has left him and moved in w/ her boyfriend of a year+, and she is filing for divorce. (she is decidedly NOT a christan. Hostile to the message)

My Question:
What do you think, spiritually, is even allowed in this case?
I struggle with whether it is sin for me to even talk to the ex, b/c that could be impeding any chance of reconciliation between him & his wife. (they have a kid)
He definitely has biblical grounds for divorce in my understanding of scripture, but where we go after that is grey area.
(I've never remarried, been single since the divorce)

Would remarriage be an option for us, or is it null and void b/c of the his 2nd marriage?

Thanks for reading this incredibly long post!!
I have a hard time talking to friends/family about this b/c they are very biased against him.
SolaGratia

 

[jbaccus]

Hey How ya doing? Welcome to CF! I'm glad you found us. I'm not a Bible scholar, so I wouldn't be able to give you "Biblical advice", but what I would suggest to you is to talk with your pastor. But first you need to pray and seek God's will in this situation. Ask him to open your heart, and give you strength and patience to help get you through your troubles. If you are thinking about remarrying him, then you should read what Jesus says about marriage. I'm not sure where it is, but there is a time when he talks to a woman about her husbands. He gives her some advice on the whole "marrying again" situation.

I can't give you advice to talk to him or to avoid him, because I don't know enough about him to make any decisions like that for you. As a friend, I would tell you to be cautious what ever you choose to do. There is a chance that if you get back together, he could cheat on you again. However, if he truly has changed, then he might not.

Again, just be cautious, pray, seek God's will, and talk to your pastor. Take care.

Joel

 

[WashedClean]

Hi Solagratia

Welcome!

I don't have much time, so I'll make this brief...

Since your ex was not a Christian when you first married and divorced and you had Biblical grounds, I think it's fine for you to remarry him. However, I would wait until his divorce is completely final before you even start dating again. Make sure that door is really closed. Plus, he may need time to heal too. I think you're right to be concerned about talking to him even now. If you can just give him support and be "friends", then I guess it doesn't hurt. But if you want to pursue a relationship down the road, I would cool it until his divorce is complete.

Just my $.02.

God bless,

WashedClean

 

[Svt4Him]

Apart from the Christian aspect of this, stay away. You think because his wife made him sleep in the bed he made, he's a different guy? Don't deceive yourself, stay away. I don't mean to sound uncaring, but it sounds like this guy knows what buttons to push, and he's pushing them. And yes, talk to your pastor.

 

[Leanna]

Apart from the Christian aspect of this, stay away. You think because his wife made him sleep in the bed he made, he's a different guy? Don't deceive yourself, stay away. I don't mean to sound uncaring, but it sounds like this guy knows what buttons to push, and he's pushing them. And yes, talk to your pastor.

I'm with him. I don't trust him already. People can change but don't be certain that he did. He is still married so I would tell him that you can't talk to him until after he is divorced and that if there is any way he can reconcile with his wife he should do so. There may come a time soon that his wife changes her mind and you would be the wedge keeping him from reconciliation. If he does get a divorce then after it is final don't rush anything! If you consider remarriage then make sure you get counseling together with a pastor beforehand. But I have a lot of doubts about this guy....

 

[pegatha]

I can't pretend to know the answer to your questions, but as there's an innocent child involved, I'll hazard an opinion. My opinion is that if there's any chance that the child's home can be restored, with both parents in it, then that should be the priority of all the adults. The child is the one who stands to lose most in this situation.

 

[desi]

C e l i b a c y is your lot. Embrace it if you can, despise it if you must, diverge from it at your peril.

 

[ElizabethanLady]

Stay away.

A child is involved.

You owe this man NOTHING! He is up to no good.