unsure...

[dfly]

Hi all!

I just need to talk...me and my bf have been together for 4 years. We've been engaged, but shortly before the wedding I called it off...because I wasn't sure anymore. Now we're just dating. I like him a lot and he is a great guy. But i don't know if I love him. How are you sure you love somebody? I also have the problem that when we kiss I feel nothing. Anyone else experience this? I'm just so unsure of everything but I really like him and I would like to make this work. I thought about breaking up with him, but then it got better and I wanted to give this another chance. Can anyone relate?

 

[NiobiumTragedy]

Love isn't about butterflies in your stomach. Those pass over time, fires burn down where they once raged. Love is a decision you make to desire the absolute best for the other and to give your absolute best for them; your dedication and commitment. Someone you want to grow old with, whose company you enjoy.

However, there also has to be an amount of passion involved and if you feel nothing at all... well you might have your answer already.

 

[The Nihilist]

Yeah, it's time to call it quits

 

[anunbeliever]

Dont settle for less. Sure marriage matures into a deep commitment with little dependence on the giddy feelings experienced at first. But those Giddy feelings - that passion - are essential at first to get you off to a good start.

Ask yourself this simple question: Does imagining your wedding day and starting your life together make you feel excited, happy, filled with anticipation? Or do you feel doubt, uncertainty, and maybe a little dread? Theres your answer.

 

[iambren]

"I also have the problem that when we kiss I feel nothing. "

This side of getting married this would scare me to death! I'm sorry but it looks like you have to many doubts to proceed.

 

[dfly]

Thank you all for your replies. Your opinions help. I have to think about it....can't make any decisions yet.

 

[The Nihilist]

Thank you all for your replies. Your opinions help. I have to think about it....can't make any decisions yet.

It sounds like you made your decision a long time ago. Why are you still holding on?

 

[dfly]

It sounds like you made your decision a long time ago. Why are you still holding on?

Thats a good question. Maybe I'm too comfortable in that relationship. Maybe I'm afraid to let go. Maybe I want to believe that it can still work out. He ist still my best friend, and sometimes I think, shouldn't your husband be your best friend? But I also think it's not enough. There have to be more feelings, which I don't have. Then there's the question what God thinks about all of this. Does he want us to marry someday? But I also know that this is my decision and he is not forcing me to do something I don't want.
In any case, I am afraid. Thats part of my personality unfortunately But it can't be an excuse, I still have to decide.

 

[The Nihilist]

Thats a good question. Maybe I'm too comfortable in that relationship. Maybe I'm afraid to let go. Maybe I want to believe that it can still work out. He ist still my best friend, and sometimes I think, shouldn't your husband be your best friend? But I also think it's not enough. There have to be more feelings, which I don't have. Then there's the question what God thinks about all of this. Does he want us to marry someday? But I also know that this is my decision and he is not forcing me to do something I don't want.
In any case, I am afraid. Thats part of my personality unfortunately But it can't be an excuse, I still have to decide.

Yeah, it can be scary, but no, a best friend just isn't husband material. It sounds like it's about time to let go.

 

[Luther073082]

Love isn't about butterflies in your stomach. Those pass over time, fires burn down where they once raged. Love is a decision you make to desire the absolute best for the other and to give your absolute best for them; your dedication and commitment. Someone you want to grow old with, whose company you enjoy.

However, there also has to be an amount of passion involved and if you feel nothing at all... well you might have your answer already.

I would agree. Love is a decision, but if you have no passion or desire for him then its best to back out now.