I've just had a sad and amusing thought ... my husband gets more excited when I get a load of towels dried on the line outside than when I pass a university course. Anyway, I'm just wondering, how do you manage in a marriage when you are your own support? I'm sure I can't be the only one!
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Unsupportive husband.
- Thread starter DreamsAreFree
- Start date
Sometimes humor helps.
I have been known to say to husband or children "This is where you say, 'Oh, my, this is the best tuna cassarole I ever had!' " Not all the time, just oncein awhile to get my point across.
I have been known to say to husband or children "This is where you say, 'Oh, my, this is the best tuna cassarole I ever had!' " Not all the time, just oncein awhile to get my point across.
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Kalli
Servant of God/Devotional Writer/Youth Coordinator
Calmly tell them that this is very important and (more than likely, both of your money is going to support you), so you should feel proud that I'm not losing you money by not taking this class again! Maybe ask him his goals (even if he has a degree/career), my husband is currently enrolled full time, working 50 hours a week and I feel so useless, I'm substituting, wanting to go back to school but can't afford both of us going! I know how you feel though, I try and support him but I don't like the school he goes to, and neither does he, and so I try to bite my tongue. May God bless you, and give you perseverance.
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Sweetie, you can only change yourself. Your husband will only change himself if HE wants to. You can, of course, pray to Jesus that He would help soften your hubby's heart towards you and that you need him to be more sensitive and supportive of you. However, that just may not happen.
I'm not married, but I have been in a relationship that has lasted 3.5 years and counting. And yes, we're headed towards marriage. At my age, I had to learn A LOT about relationships and something that took a long time for me to get is that my boyfriend is NOT me, so he won't ever be able to support me, love me, be kind to me, etc etc 100% of the time I WANT him to. I realized I was even pushing him on how he should be a Christian and help out in ministry the way I was doing things (not the way God was calling him, which is VERY different than me).
I learned that I needed to rely on myself when I was upset or uncertain about things--- of course I still rely on my Sweetheart, but I know he's only human and can't figure out everything or counsel me on every topic. So perhaps to you, what is important is your education, but your hubby rather praise your role as a good wife and help mate in the home. Find ways to motivate yourself with your own goals--- because you can't change what your husband will stay focused on.
This is not to get you down or anything, but you really need to walk in his shoes, see through his eyes, and figure out what is important to him. And love him as he is.
I'm not married, but I have been in a relationship that has lasted 3.5 years and counting. And yes, we're headed towards marriage. At my age, I had to learn A LOT about relationships and something that took a long time for me to get is that my boyfriend is NOT me, so he won't ever be able to support me, love me, be kind to me, etc etc 100% of the time I WANT him to. I realized I was even pushing him on how he should be a Christian and help out in ministry the way I was doing things (not the way God was calling him, which is VERY different than me).
I learned that I needed to rely on myself when I was upset or uncertain about things--- of course I still rely on my Sweetheart, but I know he's only human and can't figure out everything or counsel me on every topic. So perhaps to you, what is important is your education, but your hubby rather praise your role as a good wife and help mate in the home. Find ways to motivate yourself with your own goals--- because you can't change what your husband will stay focused on.
This is not to get you down or anything, but you really need to walk in his shoes, see through his eyes, and figure out what is important to him. And love him as he is.
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Oh, I know all about what's important to him, how he sees things, etc. Over the years I have talked to him, sometimes late into the night, and supported him and made many sacrifices so he could finish his several university degrees and go internationally to the top of his field. I'm moving overseas, away from my family and friends for him. He promised me at the time he would help me finish my study later. But it's not just the study.
A wee while ago I was having counselling for something significant. He knew that. Not once has he asked how it is going or how I feel about that situation. He would have no idea if I am going still or when I stopped.
When I was going through a difficult situation in the workplace last year he was completely unsupportive.
And as my mother said one day, "I was really bothered that when you were upset the other day he made no effort to comfort you."
You're right, I can only change myself, and I'm going to. However in the process I am getting more and more emotionally distant from him and losing the 'team' that was our marriage. He thinks that being a husband means throwing me the odd bunch of flowers and chocolates. He's getting increasingly self-centred as he's getting older and I'm getting less willing to tolerate it.
I am going to do my study and I will do it in the evenings (he won't have wife attention but tough). I will do it with or without him.
A wee while ago I was having counselling for something significant. He knew that. Not once has he asked how it is going or how I feel about that situation. He would have no idea if I am going still or when I stopped.
When I was going through a difficult situation in the workplace last year he was completely unsupportive.
And as my mother said one day, "I was really bothered that when you were upset the other day he made no effort to comfort you."
You're right, I can only change myself, and I'm going to. However in the process I am getting more and more emotionally distant from him and losing the 'team' that was our marriage. He thinks that being a husband means throwing me the odd bunch of flowers and chocolates. He's getting increasingly self-centred as he's getting older and I'm getting less willing to tolerate it.
I am going to do my study and I will do it in the evenings (he won't have wife attention but tough). I will do it with or without him.
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Revived
Fighting the good fight of faith.
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Watch this Mark Gungor clip, buy the dvd, watch with your man and prepare for a transformation... video.google.com/videoplay?docid=529047602018157967 Prayerfully, Derrick
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LauraLu
Regular Member
You are hurt and angry that your husband is not there for you. And that's normal- it's not fun to realize that the person you have vowed to give your life to cannot do something that is so seemingly simple. But I can sense, especially in your last post, that your bitterness is getting the best of you. Don't forget why you fell in love with him in the first place. This is what women do. We pick one thing that bothers us, then we realize that it's bigger than that one thing, and we obsess about it until it makes us unhappy and then we put that blame on someone else. So, yes, your husband is being selfish. And it is hurtful. Have you talked with him about it? We are only human- and as humans, it is sometimes hard to see past our own needs to the needs of others. Don't let grudges and bitterness start to tear you apart. You are a "team" that was united under God. He will help you through this if you give it up to Him.
I know I am not married (in fact I just got out of a relationship and am having a horrible time), but I hope you take this advice anyway. I am not in any way trying to undermine your frustration or say that it isn't warranted... I know how it feels to be with someone who is unsupportive. But I handled it in a way that is similar to the way you seem to be dealing with it, and I regret it now. Remember, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger" (Proverbs 15:1). Praying for you!! <3
I know I am not married (in fact I just got out of a relationship and am having a horrible time), but I hope you take this advice anyway. I am not in any way trying to undermine your frustration or say that it isn't warranted... I know how it feels to be with someone who is unsupportive. But I handled it in a way that is similar to the way you seem to be dealing with it, and I regret it now. Remember, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger" (Proverbs 15:1). Praying for you!! <3
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janny108
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I can relate to this in some way. My husband is very trivial, we don't talk about anything spiritual most of the time. I like meaningful conversations and I don't get them more than I do. I think he does not care or want to do anything to change himself if it takes effort of any kind. so I told him I was going to start a business! Because I can't find a job and need to do something proactive to help us all.Jan
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janny108
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He's not unkind just clueless. I have learned to be my own encourager.and it has gotten worse getting older. We've been married for 30+ years so we are not newleyweds.
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seajoy
Senior Veteran
Thank God in all things. Thank Him for the husband He gave you. I have always done this when my hubby bugs me. It's the best thing you can do. Keep being a wife to him. It's what you promised to be. These things are hard. I understand this. But try it....it will give you a calm.
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Thanks everyone. Just needed to vent really. I think he is just clueless. I'll let it go but I will look for an opportunity to talk to him about how I feel sometime though there is no rush on that.
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Bridgit
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I'm sure that if his boss ask him once to do something and ask him not the "right" way (as he'd like to hear it), it will still be done!!!! Men are not as brainless and innocent as we make them up to be.
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