Unsolisitated Advice

[gwyyn]

Ok I know I misspelled my title lol.  But the point of this thread was what did you do when someone told you how to raise your kids, and you totally didn't ask or want their advise.

For example,  my sisternlaw one day told me that I was wrong to try to make Zakk behave as young as he is.  She said that when I did this,  he wouldn't say all those cute things kids say.  All I could think of was it's cause I don't want kids who people are afraid to go in public with,  like we are of yours.

Has anyone else had friends and or family say something or offer you advise that just threw you for a loop.

 

gwyyn

 

[Evening Mist]

It drives me crazy when strangers give unsolicited advice. Argh. I don't know how may times I've been stopped and told dumb things like, "Put a blanket on that baby," and such.

But I think that to some extent, teachers, family and friends have earned the right to open up topics for disscussion. This doesn't mean that they have the right to critisize or to control me, but there are other people besides just me who love my kids and are concerned about them. I think it is right for those people to approach me in gentleness to open up the topic for disscussion. It is hard -- I agree, and I've been completely enraged by unsolicited advice from my mother-in-law. It may be that she hasn't actually earned the right to speak to me about it. But if my mom or my sister approached me, I think I would at least entertain the conversation.

If nothing else, it is an opportunity to explain why you do things the way you do, and maybe to gain understanding into the way that she parents. You never know -- either one of you (or both) could walk away having learned something valuable.

 

[karla]

It depends on the person and the advice. Most of the time I just respond with a thanks that's something to think about or ignore it all together. However it drives me crazy when people without kids offer advice. For instance my sister in law. When my oldest was 9 months old she said to me "You are STILL breastfeeding" and I told her that "no my mother cut me off a long time ago" That ended that conversation. There have been plenty of times when I have told her that the day she gives birth is the day that she can start parenting. I will raise my children the way I want to and they will follow the rules I establish. Most people mean well but at times it is hard to just grin and bear it.

 

[Evening Mist]

However it drives me crazy when people without kids offer advice.

I have to 2nd this statement heartily. Nothing is more irritating. My SIL is studying to be a doctor, and feels very justified in showering me with crazy impossible advice everytime I see her. I'm wonering why she thinks medical knowlege is the equivalent of parenting knowlege.

When my oldest was 9 months old she said to me "You are STILL breastfeeding" and I told her that "no my mother cut me off a long time ago"

That is the BEST response I've ever heard to that comment and I plan to steal it, thank you!

 

[Didymus]

you are going to get it so learn to live with it. i just ignore most of it but sometimes there is somehting I haven t thought of that I can use. And when your kids are older you can give unsol. advice to others.

 

[gwyyn]

LOL, well one of my good friends just had a baby last week, and she sais her mothernlaw is already driving her crazy. I told her to take with grain of salt, cause one day your gonna need her help.

I don't mind so much the advise I get, and my mom does get on my nerves with some of the stuff she tells me. However that one time my sisternlaw told me that I was like " HUH"!

 

[Lotuspetal_uk]

When my oldest was 9 months old she said to me "You are STILL breastfeeding" and I told her that "no my mother cut me off a long time ago"

LOL! Bravo!

It's been the breastfeeding issue with me as well. I don't mind advice when I ask for it but my family have driven me nuts with unwanted advice with the latest having to do with breastfeeding. My child is only 5 months old and I've been told to get her on formula, water you name it. And I've just said "whatever" (though I might sneak in the above ). I think sometimes my family think that just because I'm the youngest they have a right to say whatever they like. I wouldn't mind if I was 18 but I'm well into my 30's

 

[Evening Mist]

Only 5 months old, and you are already hearing this garbage???? I'm so sorry -- what a shame!!! Just a little baby still.

Mine is 2 and 1/2. We do our nursing in private these days, mainly because now he can understand all the rude comments people make.

 

[Lotuspetal_uk]

Mine is 2 and 1/2. We do our nursing in private these days, mainly because now he can understand all the rude comments people make

Isn't that awful!!! It's a real shame a few ignorant, tactless people feel they have the right to tell you how to nurse your son!

I'm hoping to nurse up until that age too. Right now she gets a lot of comfort from breastfeeding and won't go near a breastmilk-filled bottle. Thankfully my husband backs me up on this issue and he usually is very vocal when strangers feel they want to offer some unwanted advice.

 

[Evening Mist]

Lotuspetal -- yeah, ds also finds a lot of comfort in nursing. It certainly helps calm a lot of the frustrations that go hand in hand with being 2. He knows he can look foward to the peaceful warm moments of nursing and snuggling. And he says such sweet thing about how much he loves "nursies." I imagine he'll taper off over the next year as he becomes more involved in "big boy" activities. But right now, he is happy with the balance he has struck between being a baby and being a child.

 

[Lotuspetal_uk]

Amen

You know, I read somewhere that long term nursing builds a child's confidence when they're older - they're more self assured about themselves. All in all it's a real good thing you're doing there.

 

[karla]

I came from a family where no one breastfed their children. I thank God for the friends that I made after I got married, who had children, and did breastfeed. It has been one of the best decisions I have ever made. I love that time with my children.