Unequally Yoked

[Diakoneo10]

Any advice for someone who feels very unequally yoked so to speak?
My fiance and I have been together for 2 and a half years and engaged for 2 months. We a re planning a wedding for next September. I've tried to encourage him spiritually but he just won't take any interest. I believe he is a Christian but he's so totally unable to articulate his beliefs that we can't have any kind of spiritual conversation. I really feel like I need him to step up and be my leader right now but he doesn't even know what I mean by that. I have no one to talk to able spiritual things and I feel so completely alone in my faith right now.

 

[singpeace]

Any advice for someone who feels very unequally yoked so to speak?
My fiance and I have been together for 2 and a half years and engaged for 2 months. We a re planning a wedding for next September. I've tried to encourage him spiritually but he just won't take any interest. I believe he is a Christian but he's so totally unable to articulate his beliefs that we can't have any kind of spiritual conversation. I really feel like I need him to step up and be my leader right now but he doesn't even know what I mean by that. I have no one to talk to able spiritual things and I feel so completely alone in my faith right now.

My suggestion is that you take some serious time in serious prayer about this situation. Your relationship is already strong enough that it has lasted at least 2 years, and you have set the date for the wedding. That is pretty serious stuff. If however, his Christianity isn't apparent, or if there is "something missing spiritually" with him or between the two of you, then I would do whatever I needed to settle the issue before saying 'I do'.

According to Scripture, the husband's role in a Christian marriage is primarily to act as the spiritual head of household, leading and guiding his wife and children into a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ. As the spiritual authority, men are expected to submit unto God and in so doing, win the respect of their spouse.

The head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God (I Corinthians 11:3). Just as Christ is the Savior of the Body, so the husband's role in a Christian marriage is to act as high priest of the home, always pointing the way to the Lord by way of the example of a holy lifestyle above reproach.

Ephesians 5:26 depicts the husband's role in a Christian marriage as a god-fearing man leading a holy life. That lifestyle makes the husband a fit vessel spiritually.

The husband's role as high priest requires intercession for the household. A sanctified man approaches God in prayer and fasting, interceding on behalf of his wife and children.

A man who understands the husband's role in a Christian marriage loves the wife as himself, providing natural, spiritual and emotional nurturing and sustenance. The godly husband protects the wife from seen and unseen danger; edifies or builds her up by constantly reaffirming a heartfelt love.

"This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband (Ephesians 5:31).

I pray that your special someone becomes the man of God he is intended to be and that you both answer God's call upon your lives - whatever that may be. It is SO important to find a good Bible-teaching church (if you don't already attend) where there are other young adults like yourselves; married and unmarried. Seek the godly council and wisdom of other Christian ladies. And pray pray pray!

 

[Unix]

There is a relevant thread about a Bible passage: http://www.christianforums.com/t7672248/
... I have yet to ponder some more on that verse.

I have almost the same problem myself. We have been together for 4 years. She attends Church 1-2 times a week, but for other reasons than I do, and we don't go to the same Church. Many people have different reasons for being Christian than us, and many of those have a less developed faith.

(I did 2 tests on the internet, both summer '11 and summer '12, and both times I got the answer that the RCC and the Anabaptists are the closest to what I believe. See: http://www.christianforums.com/t7663680-post61076898/#post61076898.) I think that some Gnostic teachings are Christian too, I'm discussing that in a thread right now: Agnostic Contributor referenced in some logos material? - Logos Bible Software Forums. But I avoid Gnosticism in Bible versions: http://www.christianforums.com/t7645280-post60345676/#post60345676.)
Your fiance may have problems with how he views Your Christianity. I'm offended by what some people view it as, they see it just as a hobby, which it's not.
I'm pretty interested in Biblical things. I'm probably going to study both Biblical Greek and Anabaptism in college, but I don't want a salary from that later. (I'm going to study to be a college engineer - it's going to take a while.)
I don't look in Churches for people to discuss with, but I do attend 5 classes in Church. As You can see from a Visitor Message on my profile, someone is trying to find me a friend from the UK to discuss with.
I like reading books together.´

I don't know can I do something to change my situation. Change girlfriend? What keeps me from making such a decision is that I like caring for her and she is a good friend to talk to and intelligent. But most things I believe in she doesn't believe. She also often has a counter-reaction when I talk about Christianity - it's obvious that her reasons for going to Church are completely different from mine. Compared to me my girlfriend reads no Bible, reference litterature, commentaries, (Early) Church History and theology. (To find someone who studies Greek is not important though.)

When being a couple You should be able develop on aproximately the same level

My fiance and I have been together for 2 and a half years and engaged for 2 months. We a re planning a wedding for next September. I've tried to encourage him spiritually but he just won't take any interest. I believe he is a Christian but he's so totally unable to articulate his beliefs that we can't have any kind of spiritual conversation.

 

[Diakoneo10]

According to Scripture, the husband's role in a Christian marriage is primarily to act as the spiritual head of household, leading and guiding his wife and children into a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ. As the spiritual authority, men are expected to submit unto God and in so doing, win the respect of their spouse.

Thank you so much for your support and scripture references. One of my weak points as a Christian is knowing where certain beliefs are lined out. Perhaps I can use what you gave me to know how to talk to him about these things better. I really appreciate it. I try to model biblical womanhood in hopes that he would recognize those changes and behave accordingly but it is so very frustrating sometimes and I know I fail him a lot too. We both need prayer right now.

 

[Diakoneo10]

I got the answer that the RCC and the Anabaptists are the closest to what I believe...

I'm pretty interested in Biblical things. I'm probably going to study both Biblical Greek and Anabaptism in college, but I don't want a salary from that later. (I'm going to study to be a college engineer - it's going to take a while.)
I don't look in Churches for people to discuss with, but I do attend 5 classes in Church. As You can see from a Visitor Message on my profile, someone is trying to find me a friend from the UK to discuss with.
I like reading books together...

When being a couple You should be able develop on aproximately the same level

I would also state myself to be Anabaptist Unix. In my area of the world there are not many who hold to these beliefs any longer but you are doing the right thing by studying. The more you study the more you will be able to discuss and defend your beliefs to others. Perhaps this will be an avenue of open discussion with your GF. I know that I have actually been able to bring my fiance into a lot of conversations by being able to explain why I feel a certain way. Especially in political/social justice conversations. That is an area where he has changed a lot and it was because I was able to sit down and explain why certain things are right and wrong according to Scripture. Just having that in common now has strengthened us a lot and we are able to participate in a lot of the same activities with the same passion now.

I also discovered Anabaptism in college during a Theology class I took. I found that it really meshed with many of my personal beliefs that I had always found to be outside of mainstream Christianity. Keep studying. I also do think it is important to have people you can discuss things with though. I really wish I had that right now. If you can find like-mided believers... seek them out! No man is an island! We learn so much from those around us with different experiences. Books and our own understanding can only teach us so much!

 

[Unix]

She thinks I allready know a lot but she's basically not positive to studying a lot more, so it won't help.

The more you study the more you will be able to discuss and defend your beliefs to others. Perhaps this will be an avenue of open discussion with your GF.

I'm not yet in college.

I also discovered Anabaptism in college during a Theology class I took.

 

[Unix]

She just texted me that she doesn't want to discuss religion anymore nor read the Bible. I think that's a definite answer. She attends Church on Thursdays where she hears snippets from the Bible.

She thinks I allready know a lot but she's basically not positive to studying a lot more, so it won't help.I'm not yet in college.

I would also state myself to be Anabaptist Unix. In my area of the world there are not many who hold to these beliefs any longer but you are doing the right thing by studying. The more you study the more you will be able to discuss and defend your beliefs to others. Perhaps this will be an avenue of open discussion with your GF.

I just placed a big order on books, and I have "lots" (a lot for my budget) of so called pre-orders in Logos.com. Among these are Anabaptist books for ~$290.
Try contacting wayseer: http://www.christianforums.com/users/226805/

I also do think it is important to have people you can discuss things with though. I really wish I had that right now. If you can find like-mided believers... seek them out! No man is an island! We learn so much from those around us with different experiences. Books and our own understanding can only teach us so much!

 

[K9_Trainer]

First, try to discuss with him what he actually believes. There are a LOT of versions of Christianity and chances are, there will be things you disagree on. The challenge is going to be figuring what those things are, and determining if it's significant to the relationship.

It sounds like your expectations of him as a Christian husband and his expectations of you as a Christian wife are in need of discussing too. His idea of submission and leadership may be different than yours. That's an issue, especially when you're both expecting different things from each other.

Would it be possible for you two to take some Christian pre-marital counseling sessions together? Maybe if you speak to your pastor, he can help to counsel the two of you (or assign you somebody who can) and get you two more on the same page.

 

[Luther073082]

Any advice for someone who feels very unequally yoked so to speak?
My fiance and I have been together for 2 and a half years and engaged for 2 months. We a re planning a wedding for next September. I've tried to encourage him spiritually but he just won't take any interest. I believe he is a Christian but he's so totally unable to articulate his beliefs that we can't have any kind of spiritual conversation. I really feel like I need him to step up and be my leader right now but he doesn't even know what I mean by that. I have no one to talk to able spiritual things and I feel so completely alone in my faith right now.

I can tell you that you need to have these things figured out before you get married. Not afterwards.

And it's really important that you marry someone what meshes with your beliefs or things are just not going to go well.

 

[Saucy]

I think this issue is the BIGGEST thing you two have that you need to communicate on. If you're not equally yoked with him, you shouldn't even be together biblically. I know ya'll won't break up over this issue, but you need to communicate it with him. I'd personally call off the wedding until it was settled honestly.

 

[CounselorForChrist]

Everyone else has given good advice that I would have. When I meet someone I now discuss our beliefs off the bat because those will make or break the relationship. I have a friend who Evangelical and hes wanting to marry someone whos Catholic. I've talked to both of them and they have VERY different views on things like what to do when the baby is born, where to to to church, who to pray to...etc.

But they both won't discuss there issues really and just say "Things will be fine!". Spiritual/biblical issues like this need to be worked out or else there will be endless fights, which bring bitter feelings, lost love and eventually divorce. Its why I don't agree with being with someone who unequally yoked.

 

[melannewis]

I agree with Saucy. This is something that is really important and if you aren't on the same page now and you get married then it may become a big problem later. He may change, but he may not. Are you willing to get married to him if point blank tells you he is not going to change?