Unequally yoked?

[csp1073]

OK, I really need the advice of someone.

A few years ago I met this girl. I was a senior in high school and she was a college freshman. I liked her and we began dating. She is a christian, but was not as fundemental or "serious" about God as I was. Shortly after I had a very strong feeling that God did not want me to date her, and if I continued I would suffer spiritually. For whatever reason (I'm still not sure why) I continued dating her. Every sermon I went to from then on convicted me; I felt like I was doing something directly against the will of God. Eventually I could not take it anymore, and I left the church. I told my pastor, friends and family that i left because I was questioning the doctrine of the church so that they would not know the truth. I have attended two churches since then, but it is not the same. I can not get close to God again because its like there is a barrier in between me and him.

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about my decision. I haven't truly enjoyed life in two years now. I want to have an intimate relationship with God again, but I just can't. The obvious decision would be to break up with her and try seek God whole-heartedly again, but I worry about the results of that action. First off, I have lived with her family for two years now and i am around them more than my own family. If I break up with her I will be losing my own family and my best friend(her), and that is a big risk for me because I don't really have a support group anymore. Also, I know that this would completely destroy her. All she does in her spare time is look at engagement rings and other wedding related stuff. I know what I mean to her, and I can't stand the thought of crushing her like that.

However, God does mean more to me. Is there any way for me to accurately discern God's will? This decision would be a major life altering event for several people, and I don't want to make it without knowing 100% that I am doing what God wants me to. Any insight on my situation is appreciated, particularly if personal experience and the word of God can be tied in.

 

[asianchexmix]

It looks like you already know brother it's just a lack of obedience towards it. I am in no way shape or form the relationship guru but I do know that if God does not bless the relationship and it is not what He wants, things will turn sour. I believe that you have heard God's voice but you are having difficulty giving it up to Him. It's easily understandable of your logical reasons of staying with her but look at the reasons; it was all for her and not for God. Maybe this will be the ultimate test of truly letting God reign in your life. It sure is hard having experienced a full surrender recently in my own personal life.

 

[b.hopeful]

If she is marriage minded and you do not want to marry her....it is far crueler to carry on the charade. I think you know what you need to do...you lack the courage and maturity to do it. It's cliche...but....man up! lol Seriously, you need to head in a new direction...away from your current one. Time to move out and move on.

 

[Johnnz]

Maybe your own thinking about God needs some expansion. John NZ

 

[heron]

I can't tell you God's will for you, but I do recognize the pattern of not following what God asked. We go around in circles wondering what the right thing is, when we think the old word from God was negated, just because time passed.

(This happens to be a reminder to me about why I am not getting a clear answer on something, lol.)

Do not make a relational decision based on whether someone will be crushed or not. It is a fact she will be, and it can be devastating. But wouldn't it be worse to allow her marriage plans to continue, and then you would be stuck in this relationship for your entire life? There is no other life on earth beyond this one.

There's a chance that your hesitation and guilt are protective devices, because you are entering such a large commitment.

What you really need, you might not be able to afford right now. I think you need to raise enough money to move out, so you can have a clear head. You are tying in your living situation with your social life with your love life. That is what marriage is like, and you can see here how hard it is for people to get out of relationships once married.

This relationship seems to have dragged you down (not just your worry over disobedience). I think you are losing your autonomy, your identity. Living with a family means that people are continually aware of what you do, and you are probably being nice to everyone, to avoid making waves. With awareness people around you, it's harder to hear from God.

Can you stay with a friend for a few weeks?

 

[christandisrael]

Let her/him go because if it jepardizes your faith, it isn't work it. Find other Christians to worship with.

 

[csp1073]

I would like to thank each and every one of you for your responses. This is a difficult situation for me, and only a handful of people know how I feel. I believe the anonymity of the internet is a good way for me to take in the view points of others.

To Johnnz: I have thought that myself. I have wondered if all of this is self fabricated. I second guess myself fairly often, but then I remember back to just how strong and "real" those feelings were. I can't even put those experiences into words.


To heron: Your response is very deep and accurate for someone who only has limited knowledge of me and my situation.

You are very right about how I tyed in my social life, family life and love life together. It's really not what I wanted either. She pressured me into all of it, and I kind of just gave in. You are also right about it being difficult for me to hear from God in their house. There are ALWAYS people around, and I can never get privacy. I really enjoy just sitting down and reading the bible and praying but I view those as intimate moments with God that I prefer to have alone.

I can't just go home because my mother and step father are going through a rocky divorce. My mom has moved into a very small apartment with my siblings and she recently lost her job. Her money is going fast. I do have a part time job, but I can't really work anymore than I do already because I am a full time student. I could move in with my grandparents or my dad, however.

You are also right about me losing my sense of autonomy and self identity. I feel like I have little control over my own life, and it is very frusterating. When/if I end this relationship I am going to spend a looong time rediscovering who I am and what I want out of life.


I would like to thank everyone in this thread again for posting. Even if I did not reply to you I promise that I took what you told me to heart. I am wide open to more opinions if anyone else wants to add anything. Proverbs speaks of the importance of seeking the counsel of others when making a big decision. I wish I would have done that in the beginning!

 

[favoredbyGod]

csp1073,

I too was with someone who was "unequally yoked" with me. The same things were happening to me when I went to church, "severing ungodly ties" messages would keep coming forth.

Well long story short, it was just God's way of saving me from heart ache in the long run..only if I would have listened, but I had a hard head.

Its been 4 years and it took a while to recover from everything that happened within my relationship....so I know that it is hard, but just pray and ask God for the strength to walk away.

I used to pray, "God please save him", but I realized that he didn't want to be saved and that he was hindering my relationship with God. He was influencing me more than I was influencing him.

It wasnt easy, but enough was enough and I walked away, it was hard at first, but day by day it got a little easier, things got a little better and as of now I am so happy with life in general. As with him, last time I heard, he is still up to his usual game victimizing and preying on others.