Unequally Yoked

[Godschild5]

Greetings!

I'm 25 years old and I've been dating my boyfriend for a little over 2 1/2 years now (1 1/2 living together). I have always been Christian and considered myself a fairly moral person but it wasn't until about a month ago that I found myself entirely surrendering to God and learning to accept what he wants for my life and now necessarily matching what I want.

Since moving in with my boyfriend I have been feeling a tug to move out and live on my own but never genuinely entertained the idea and never really thought of it as God trying to tell me something. Then, I started getting more active in church and realizing the way my boyfriend treated me was not the same way these men at church were treating their SOs. So, I began to pray and pray and God revealed to me that I was to move out.

Now, my boyfriend considers himself a Christian but it pretty much stops there. He doesn't understand where I'm coming from and because of that has become very resentful of my decision. Going it alone (meaning w/o the support of my boyfriend) is becoming really tough on me and I'm heavily relying on God for comfort, strength and peace.

I guess what I am trying to learn from this whole thing is how to truly TRUST God but also not to expect my boyfriend to understand because he isn't in the same place in his faith as I am.

He says he wants to make this relationship work but his actions say something completely different. I am now trying to accept my situation, not expect him to understand or to confirm but what that means is I have to leave this relationship. I am realizing daily that I can't continue to set me up for disappointment. But, at the same time it's hard to hear him say he loves me and wants to be with me and is willing to do whatever it takes but then doesn't follow through.

Anyway, prayers and thoughts are appreciated!
God bless!

 

[Luther073082]

Simpily saying your a Christiann does not make a person a beliver. True faith can be seen in a person in how they change. IMO you need to treat your boyfriend as an unbeliever and just leave him. I know that might not be easy, but its what God would call you to do.

God needs to be the most important part of your life, and if your boyfriend can't understand that, then it would be impossible for him to become the second most important part of your life. (As in a spouse)

 

[Christianbelle]

I'm kinda dealing with the same thing. I have been with my bf for two years, going on our third. He will be 30 in November. He has had a lot of set backs in life and his family does not help. He does not have a driver's license, but wants me to help him study for it. He has a part-time job at a music store. He makes $30/week usually. That's not enough to live on. Granted there aren't a lot of people hiring now days. He says he's trying to find one, but I question how HARD he actually is trying. It kills me that I work all day and my job calls for a lot of late hours - he sleeps until 10 or noon most days and he plays on the computer watching videos or playing games. He always uses the excuse that he didn't have time b/c people were asking him to do this and do that. (He lives with his parents.)

I've always been active in church. He was going to church, riding with a friend. Since this friend has moved to MS and he hasn't been able to go. Instead of going with me, he stays at home. His family has had lots of church issues in the past and he's been burned by the whole "being a Christian and not acting like it" thing. He now is basically saying that church and Christians are evil. He doesn't come out and say it that way, just in that manner. When we first met he was involved with the youth at his church and he said he wanted to be a youth minister. His dad even told me that he used to study the Bible day and night and he would deliver sermons at their church. What happened to that? How can I re-awaken that spirit in Him? I pray for him constantly and wonder if it's time to move on. The way he is acting is not what I desire in a mate. I've had several people suggest I talk to him, but I don't know where to even begin! He was so sweet when we first met and once he got out of church, things started happening in his family and he got so stressed and it's like he's not dealing with it. When we get away from the house, he's fine. But little things that normal people don't pay attention to, he's stressing about - saying it gets on his nerves.

I feel your pain and know what you are going through. I'll be happy to remember you in my prayers. Remember me in yours? =)

 

[Enriss]

It sounds to me like what your boyfriend valued about the church was the involvement in community. Youth groups are a fun way to interact with your peers, and sometimes people feel like religious involvement goes from something you do for fun with friends to feeling like something you do on Sundays because a book told you to.

 

[Christianbelle]

It's not his peers in the "youth" group. He worked as a youth leader. He was 27 and 28. These kids are 10-13 years old. He's really not into the community thing. Believe me. My job requires me to be community-oriented. He'd rather stay home most nights. He's not into hanging out with other friends like he use to be.

 

[Monaleezza]

Hi Godschild
If your boyfriend isn't where you are spiritually, this is the PERFECT opportunity to help him get there! Set standards for what you expect from your relationship. Don't expect him to guess or already know what a Christian would expect and how one should behave in a relationship, show him and teach him.

If you're surrounded by friends at church who treat their spouses well surround him with them too. Socialise together. While you don't wanna say, "Why aren't you more like..." you can use the psychology that we women have learned to master to compliment couples on their relationship for his hearing. Or maybe even to talk about how lovely they are to him.

Study the bible with him. Attend Christian relationship seminars with him. And maybe introduce him to a male at your church who can encourage him to take on Christian characteristics and not to just label himself and sit back on his title.

I hope it works out for you and you don't find yourself having to walk away. Give him a chance to see what you see and to know The Christ that you know. God Bless.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

I hope it works out for you and you don't find yourself having to walk away. Give him a chance to see what you see and to know The Christ that you know. God Bless.

Going to have to disagree with this advice. I'm assuming the live-in arrangements included sex and without both parties agreeing, she's going to be pressured to continue with this even if she moves out. Having a sexual relationship blinds us to things we should be seeing. Praise God you are open to the leading of the Holy Spirit. It is a wonderful thing to hear and obey. It doesn't mean it isn't going to be painful, but I guarantee you you will be glad in the long run that you obeyed God. Move out asap! Trust God.
I've had wide and varied dating experiences in the last 5 or so years and had a lot of heartbreak, uncertainty, drama and some unbelievable dishonesty. My fiance didn't come with any of that. We were just supposed to be friends. This relationship is so different from the majority of dating experiences I've had. I don't have those thoughts about wishing my guy did this or didn't do that anymore. My fiance is doing all the right things. Please don't settle.

 

[98cwitr]

first mistake was moving in...if he can't deal with you moving out then the relationship really shows its weaknesses. Do do it. Even statistically speak, a 5 year study by the University of Denver (google it if you want to not take my word for it) concluded that those couples that live together before marriage are 90% more likely to consider divorce within the first 10 years of marriage. 10% of couples in the study thought about it and had not lived together first, and 19% of couple had thought about it and had lived together first.

Also, you are bringing temptation upon yourself, or if you are having sex without being married to him you need to get out quick, repent, and stop the sexually relations in their tracks. The bonds of lust are nothing compared to the bonds of love...that is how you test an intimate relationship

 

[*Charis*]

I guess what I am trying to learn from this whole thing is how to truly TRUST God but also not to expect my boyfriend to understand because he isn't in the same place in his faith as I am.

The bolded section is so important. There could not truly be a
deep intimacy when each of you are at opposite poles. On the
other hand, it's an amazing journey to walk through life with
someone that supports your walk with God, and receives the
same from you.

 

[bluemarkus]

fake christians abound in hte end times. carnal man will say every lie possible and impossible to get to the cherry plum. in times when i thought god was wroung, half a year later he was always right. because he´s not thinking like man, he is spirit, and thats a good thing !

blessings

 

[Tabasco]

Are you still living with him? Moving out on your own is the first logical step. Even if you aren't being intimate with him, living together gives the appearance of sin, which Christians are instructed to avoid.

 

[bliz]

It's time to pack and move.

 

[Digit]

Greetings!

I'm 25 years old and I've been dating my boyfriend for a little over 2 1/2 years now (1 1/2 living together). I have always been Christian and considered myself a fairly moral person but it wasn't until about a month ago that I found myself entirely surrendering to God and learning to accept what he wants for my life and now necessarily matching what I want.

Since moving in with my boyfriend I have been feeling a tug to move out and live on my own but never genuinely entertained the idea and never really thought of it as God trying to tell me something. Then, I started getting more active in church and realizing the way my boyfriend treated me was not the same way these men at church were treating their SOs. So, I began to pray and pray and God revealed to me that I was to move out.

Now, my boyfriend considers himself a Christian but it pretty much stops there. He doesn't understand where I'm coming from and because of that has become very resentful of my decision. Going it alone (meaning w/o the support of my boyfriend) is becoming really tough on me and I'm heavily relying on God for comfort, strength and peace.

I guess what I am trying to learn from this whole thing is how to truly TRUST God but also not to expect my boyfriend to understand because he isn't in the same place in his faith as I am.

He says he wants to make this relationship work but his actions say something completely different. I am now trying to accept my situation, not expect him to understand or to confirm but what that means is I have to leave this relationship. I am realizing daily that I can't continue to set me up for disappointment. But, at the same time it's hard to hear him say he loves me and wants to be with me and is willing to do whatever it takes but then doesn't follow through.

Anyway, prayers and thoughts are appreciated!
God bless!

Are you able to give an example of his words not matching his actions?

From a guys perspective, that is going to be an incredibly heavy blow to be dealt, and he is going to be feeling alone, rejected and probably angry too.

I don't feel there is any issue with living with him if you feel temptation is under control - people living together is a very common thing in our world and does not always mean they are involved sexually - living together in the Bible was always in context talking about a sexual relationship, the living together isn't the sinful part, that is. If he is not as social as you, then that could pose an issue, as you are going to want and feel a need to be able to share things with him in that respect, so it may be that you are realising that you are not compatible with each other as you previously thought.

Ultimately, you are the best arbiter of your decision, but my advice would be to bear in mind there are always three sides to any story, yours, theirs and the truth. So keep an open mind and heart.