Unequally yoked?

[beloved001]

The bible warns that we shall not be yoked with unbelievers. But i see some people married unbelievers and still work out a good marriage. So, how to know God will in this for individual?

 

[Hosannainthehighest]

what we see on the outside is not necessarily what is going on on the inside. don't base your beliefs on what you see others doing, base your trust in the word of God. He is wise and all knowing.

 

[DZoolander]

I think that it all depends on the form your faith has taken...

Looking at the "unequally yoked" forum - that term has such a variety of meanings... There are some that are with unbelievers...there are some that are with others that believe but simply don't want to go to church. It runs the gamut.

What is truly important is the form that your faith has taken - and what *you* find to be important. A person (like myself) who believes that the Bible is to a great degree allegorical would have no problems with someone that was more "spiritual" than literal. A fundie wouldn't be able to tolerate that.

So - it really all depends on who you are.

 

[snoochface]

The bible warns that we shall not be yoked with unbelievers. But i see some people married unbelievers and still work out a good marriage. So, how to know God will in this for individual?

I think there are a lot of good answers to this, including the ones that have been given here already.

I have a tough time answering this particular question without bias, because my husband married me when I was not a Christian. It was because of his influence and example that I was willing to go to church with him, learn what he believes and why he believes it - for his sake, not mine at this point - and as part of that process, I opened myself up to the possibility of believing. Eventually, I did believe and I became a Christian. So, I am one of the success stories.

My primary thought on this, though, is that when you are unsure of God's will about something, you should go to the Bible and see what it says God's will is. And, if you believe the Bible is literal except when explicitly symbolic, the Bible isn't unclear on this. It says not to be unequally yoked.

So it might be a matter of interpretation, what "unequally yoked" means. For that, I suggest studying the verses that pertain to it, talk to your pastor, pray and ask God to give you understanding.

No matter what, though, I think God will use all circumstances for our good and his glory. We're human and even when we think we are doing right, we still often screw up and make the wrong choice. And if we do, God will still take that and use it for good. It might be a matter of how rocky and difficult the path is to the good, but in the end we get to it.

I really think you should pray and try to get a good understanding of the unequally yoked verses from study and talking to your pastor.

 

[beloved001]

A friend posted an answer on another forum"the Bible gives us PLENTY of principles and ideas to live by... what is better, following the ideas we read in the Bible, or doing what seemed like a good idea at the time?
I think, on average, that after finding one's self in the hole that we dig ourselves when we decide that "what seemed like a good idea" was the best idea consistently, that at the bottom of the hole, we should probably put the shovel down and quit digging.
In the end, however, we are not to live by the Bible, we are to live by the Spirit of God, who interprets the Bible for us. The Bible is a window through which we see God in the story through the window. The Bible, outside the Spirit of God, is worthless... the Bible itself tells us this.
The Bible without the Spirit is like a nice computer with no power source."
Another friend said only when one spouse abused another , that is unequally yoked..
hmmm.........

 

[Momma2H]

what we see on the outside is not necessarily what is going on on the inside. don't base your beliefs on what you see others doing, base your trust in the word of God. He is wise and all knowing.

agreed.

 

[moonkitty]

My hubby and I are un-equally yoked. I’m an atheist and he is Lutheran. We have a very happy marriage, and have been married for over 10 years. What makes our marriage work is respect for each other’s beliefs. Neither one of use tries to change the other’s mind about religion. He accepts me as I am and I accept him as he is. We do not say disparaging things about each other’s beliefs and long before we had children discussed what we were going to do in regards to children and religion (we give them guidance and any resource they need, but the ultimate choice is theirs&#8217

 

[BigNorsk]

Doesn't sound like he actually believes anything, maybe he just believes in relativism. That God is a subjective truth, true for him but not for you.

If you actually believed your spouse and children would spend eternity in the burning lake of fire would you be just fine with that and "respect" their choices?

What do you think of a spouse that supposedly thinks you are committing the worst form of suicide? That's he's delusional, but a nice delusional person?

People who don't care and don't believe much of anything do tend to get along fairly well with others that just don't care or believe much of anything.

That is not being unequally yoked. And it should be understood that's not unequally yoked, even if the people who don't much care or believe much of anything label themselves such that on the surface it would seem that it's an unequal yoking.

I don't mean to pick on you, just think that your example tends to actually confuse people because they might think it's unequal yoking and an example of how that can work, but I'm pretty certain it's not unequal yoking at all but two birds of a feather.

If your husband believed, he wouldn't display what you say he displays.

Marv

 

[moonkitty]

Doesn't sound like he actually believes anything, maybe he just believes in relativism. That God is a subjective truth, true for him but not for you.

If you actually believed your spouse and children would spend eternity in the burning lake of fire would you be just fine with that and "respect" their choices?

What do you think of a spouse that supposedly thinks you are committing the worst form of suicide? That's he's delusional, but a nice delusional person?

People who don't care and don't believe much of anything do tend to get along fairly well with others that just don't care or believe much of anything.

That is not being unequally yoked. And it should be understood that's not unequally yoked, even if the people who don't much care or believe much of anything label themselves such that on the surface it would seem that it's an unequal yoking.

I don't mean to pick on you, just think that your example tends to actually confuse people because they might think it's unequal yoking and an example of how that can work, but I'm pretty certain it's not unequal yoking at all but two birds of a feather.

If your husband believed, he wouldn't display what you say he displays.

Marv

SInce you do not even know my husband's first name, I really doubt you are qualified to tell me what he believes in and what he doesn't believe in.

 

[wpiman2]

I equate being unequally yoked to other inequalities; perhaps one person is smart and the other isn't so bright. One is talkative and the other is not.

These sorts of opposites can strengthen a marriage. When I was looking for my first wife; I looked for a woman who was close to God as I was very distant. I figured if she was close; it would benefit me as some spiritually would "rub off" so to speak. Ends up she "rubbed off" someone else; and that ended that. That isn't important, but the point is that I hedged my bets. This time; I am marrying a woman who is a different denomination entirely. I figure if I am Catholic and she is Lutheran; then our chances of having the right religion in the eyes of the Lord are double.

 

[BigNorsk]

SInce you do not even know my husband's first name, I really doubt you are qualified to tell me what he believes in and what he doesn't believe in.

Well that's partly true, you said though that he was Lutheran so I would assume that is truthful.

You said that he and you will provide guidance to your children. Maybe you would show how it works for an unequally yoked couple. If you would, would you share how your husband would transmit his faith that Jesus died for their sins and if they do not believe this that they will be condemned for all eternity, in a manner that you would feel respects your beliefs?

And how you would guide your children in your belief that your husband believes in a God that doesn't exist in a manner that is respectful of his beliefs?

Since you're living this and decided to do this, I'm sure many others would find it helpful how you've managed to do this if you are willing to share.

Marv

 

[moonkitty]

Well that's partly true, you said though that he was Lutheran so I would assume that is truthful.

You said that he and you will provide guidance to your children. Maybe you would show how it works for an unequally yoked couple. If you would, would you share how your husband would transmit his faith that Jesus died for their sins and if they do not believe this that they will be condemned for all eternity, in a manner that you would feel respects your beliefs?

And how you would guide your children in your belief that your husband believes in a God that doesn't exist in a manner that is respectful of his beliefs?

Since you're living this and decided to do this, I'm sure many others would find it helpful how you've managed to do this if you are willing to share.

Marv

I think you are misunderstanding when I said “guide.” I do not mean that my hubby or myself are trying to guide or lead our children into one belief or another. By guiding I mean that we give our children honest, and as correct as possible information about different religions they may encounter. If my children ask what is a Hindu I will not tell them that they are “horrible, Satan worshiping heathens” (which is what my parents told me about all religions that were not Southern Baptist.) I will outline to the best of my ability what that particular belief system is like while trying to be as unbiased as possible. If they want more information I try to find an unbiased source. But I do not tell my children what they should or should not believe in. That is for them to make. No matter how much we want to kid ourselves when it comes down to it, we all have to make that choice for ourselves.

My hubby does the same if the kids ask him about a religion. We also both take them to church-when they want to go—they are not forced to go. When the kids ask us about what we personally believe we give them an honest answer, letting them know that it is our own belief—that they are not required to believe just because mommy or daddy does or does not believe. (My parents ideal was that if you don’t believe you can get out of the house. Period.)

I personally have no problem with my hubby talking to the kids about his religious beliefs, and sharing with them his feelings on the matter, and in return he does the same. We are not out to convert our children to one belief or another—we only want them to come to a religion (or lack of it) through their own desire. NOT because they felt forced to believe a certain way.

 

[BigNorsk]

Sorry that your parents were some form of legalists and threw you out of their home as such a young age. The Bible never says to do such things.

But I'm still not sure how you and your husband really do this.

Let's say your child comes to you and says they decided to join a group, they call themselves the "New Branch Davidians" and each year, anyone who's been in the group over a year commits suicide to make the world a better place, well this week is her anniversary.

She has decided the world is too crowded, mankind is the problem and so she has decided to do what she can, without violating her beliefs and that means this coming week, she is going to commit suicide, she just wanted to say goodbye, thank you for raising her, and she wants you to understand it's not because of anything you did or that she is depressed or anything. It's just a strongly held belief of her and her group that she would like you to respect.

What do you say to her?

What does your husband say to her?

 

[havana16]

I am the wife of an unbeliever husband I got saved after we were married my marriage is mostly happy but there are very important things in my life that i can not share with him like the jpy and peace i have in Jesus and the worry about wherehe will spend eternity can be sometimes overwhelming for me. I would not recommend marrrying an unbiever if one knows the Bible but also i could not see myself not be with him either, it is alot of heartache and lonliness in being unequally yoked but if a wife truly lov her husband she should be an example of christ;s love to him and pray for him and hopefully it will win him to Christ....

 

[moonkitty]

Sorry that your parents were some form of legalists and threw you out of their home as such a young age. The Bible never says to do such things.

But I'm still not sure how you and your husband really do this.

Let's say your child comes to you and says they decided to join a group, they call themselves the "New Branch Davidians" and each year, anyone who's been in the group over a year commits suicide to make the world a better place, well this week is her anniversary.

She has decided the world is too crowded, mankind is the problem and so she has decided to do what she can, without violating her beliefs and that means this coming week, she is going to commit suicide, she just wanted to say goodbye, thank you for raising her, and she wants you to understand it's not because of anything you did or that she is depressed or anything. It's just a strongly held belief of her and her group that she would like you to respect.

What do you say to her?

What does your husband say to her?

What you are talking about is not the norm. You are building a straw man out of my post. If my child said she was going to kill herself for religious reasons, then I would have her baker acted. If she came to me and said she has given this a great deal of thought and study and has decided to become _______ Religion—as long as the religion is not encouraging her to harm herself or others then I’m ok with it. She has to make that decision for herself. I can have her in Sunday school and church 3 times a week with daily bible study—but it will not make her a Christian. What will make her a Christian is if she (or anyone else) decides to become one.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

I personally have no problem with my hubby talking to the kids about his religious beliefs, and sharing with them his feelings on the matter, and in return he does the same. We are not out to convert our children to one belief or another—we only want them to come to a religion (or lack of it) through their own desire. NOT because they felt forced to believe a certain way.

He should be out to convert you and the kids if he really believes what the Bible says. For a Christian, one of the most painful things is worrying about a loved one who will spend eternity in unspeakable pain and misery in Hell apart from God. How can you just be ok watching your loved one walk off a cliff for example?

Forcing is wrong and won't work. The Holy Spirit does the work ultimately after the facts are presented.

 

[moonkitty]

He should be out to convert you and the kids if he really believes what the Bible says. For a Christian, one of the most painful things is worrying about a loved one who will spend eternity in unspeakable pain and misery in Hell apart from God. How can you just be ok watching your loved one walk off a cliff for example?

Forcing is wrong and won't work. The Holy Spirit does the work ultimately after the facts are presented.

If my hubby was out to convert me--if he pestered me daily, guilted me into going to church, belittled my belief, left bible tracks in my lunch box ect... then I'd probally leave him.

Maybe my hubby is just stronger in his faith because as he has told me the few times this has come up, and these are his exact words, "You are in God's hands. I love you--I don't know what God has in store for you, but I trust him."

That has gone a 100 times further repairing what little faith I have in the christian commuinty than any of the things I'm sure you would be doing to try and convert me. It doesn't make me believe in a supernatural deity--I do feel as though I can forgive some of the crap religion has done to me.

 

[TheLeftOneMiccy]

When my husband and I first married we were equally yoked as non believers , I was later saved , he still is not . We are currently seperated and will most likely be divorced . I pray for his salvation , and leave him to Gods hands . I did not "try to convert him " as the bible says I would win him for the Lord with my actions not my words . As christians we "convert" noone , the Lord calls each person when and if it is their time . We spread the truth and offer guidance to non believers , but the Lord does the converting .

May God Bless you all !
Miccy

 

[jdorsey]

Moonkitty:

As far as your original post goes, I too am confused as to how your marriage would work with religions or viewpoints on oposite ends of the spectrum. It is true that someone in a Bible believing faith, who is actively beliving and participating in that faith, would be more involved in sharing their basis for their beliefs for the unbelieving spouse. However, I can understand that your husband knows best.
You have obviously gone through a lot of pain and hardship due to religion in the past, and for that I am genuinely sorry. Too many people get caught up in the titles and in themselves and lose the overall goal of Bible-believing religions -- to share the love of God with others, to enable their witness to give someone a desire to know more about the God they serve. When people forget the main point, they tend to become legalistsic and overbearing, which your parents may have been. I hope that other people have not led you to your decision on God and his love for you.
As far as being able to live in harmony with somone who does follow whole-heartedly after God, I cannot understand how that is easy for him. Bible-believers believe that those who do not follow after God and believe in the death and resurrection of Christ, will ultimately go to hell. So for you husband, that must be a sad thing to face every day, knowing that you will not be joining him in heaven some day.
No matter what anyone's beliefs are on your marital status, I would like to hear from you how, if what you say is true, the two of you have been able to live in that type of relationship.

As to the topic of this post, the Bible is quite clear on the issue. 2 Cor. 6:14 says: "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?"
That is straight forward, do not join with unbelievers.
If you go back to the illistration here, he is describing an ox in a yoke. If you put a strong ox (Christian) one the left of the yoke, and a weak or sick ox (non-believer) on the right, they two will not be able to pull it in a straight direction, and could cause the whole cart to tip, break, and or not go anywhere. This is how marriages are affected by the marriage of two people, one a believer and one not.

My parents were unequally yoked when they were married. My mom knew better, but was not following the Lord as wholeheartedly as she should have been. The first three years of their marriage was complete chaos, while my dad scorned my mom, and left her alone with a baby while he got trashed and did drugs constantly. Eventually my father did come to know the Lord, but those first years were something my mom never should have had to go through, if she were obedient to God's word.

 

[moonkitty]

Moonkitty:

As far as your original post goes, I too am confused as to how your marriage would work with religions or viewpoints on oposite ends of the spectrum. It is true that someone in a Bible believing faith, who is actively beliving and participating in that faith, would be more involved in sharing their basis for their beliefs for the unbelieving spouse. However, I can understand that your husband knows best.
You have obviously gone through a lot of pain and hardship due to religion in the past, and for that I am genuinely sorry. Too many people get caught up in the titles and in themselves and lose the overall goal of Bible-believing religions -- to share the love of God with others, to enable their witness to give someone a desire to know more about the God they serve. When people forget the main point, they tend to become legalistsic and overbearing, which your parents may have been. I hope that other people have not led you to your decision on God and his love for you.
As far as being able to live in harmony with somone who does follow whole-heartedly after God, I cannot understand how that is easy for him. Bible-believers believe that those who do not follow after God and believe in the death and resurrection of Christ, will ultimately go to hell. So for you husband, that must be a sad thing to face every day, knowing that you will not be joining him in heaven some day.
No matter what anyone's beliefs are on your marital status, I would like to hear from you how, if what you say is true, the two of you have been able to live in that type of relationship.

As to the topic of this post, the Bible is quite clear on the issue. 2 Cor. 6:14 says: "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?"
That is straight forward, do not join with unbelievers.
If you go back to the illistration here, he is describing an ox in a yoke. If you put a strong ox (Christian) one the left of the yoke, and a weak or sick ox (non-believer) on the right, they two will not be able to pull it in a straight direction, and could cause the whole cart to tip, break, and or not go anywhere. This is how marriages are affected by the marriage of two people, one a believer and one not.

My parents were unequally yoked when they were married. My mom knew better, but was not following the Lord as wholeheartedly as she should have been. The first three years of their marriage was complete chaos, while my dad scorned my mom, and left her alone with a baby while he got trashed and did drugs constantly. Eventually my father did come to know the Lord, but those first years were something my mom never should have had to go through, if she were obedient to God's word.

You talk about how sorry you are that my parents were over bearing and legalistic. And yet you are showing the same traits. You come in after I have said many, many times that my marriage is a happy one and yet you simply cannot believe it can ever be happy because of ONE verse in the bible.

You also claim that you cannot understand how my husband and I are happy because of what YOU feel. YOU are not my husband. You are sharing your interpretations of the bible and claiming that ALL christians, if they are good christians, should believe and interpreted the bible in the same way you do. So if my hubby does not feel the same way as you do, then either a) he isn’t as good of a bible believing Christian as you or b) he isn’t happy.

Do you ever stop and think maybe this whole “unequally yoke” verse was not only about religion? Maybe your God was warning about unequal marriages in many different ways? Wouldn’t you consider a marriage were one person wants children and the other does not as being “unequally yoked?” Or what about a marriage were one person has their heart set on living out in the country and the other is a city boy/girl at heart? What if in another marriage one wants to have tons of money and cash and live in a big house on the hill and the other wants to dedicate their life to helping the poor and live like a missionary? (and I have met several couples who fit each of those descriptions and their marriages were very far from happy even though they all claimed to be Christian and evenly yoked.)

There is no way that any marriage can ever be completely evenly yoked. I think that verse implies that you have to find someone who shares your over all desire for life and love and happiness. My hubby and I have that. We both wanted a simple life, nothing big and fancy. We both wanted children, but not too many. We both wanted to do good for the world and we both highly value continuing education though out our lives. I think in most ways we are more evenly yoked than most Christian couples I know.

I'm sorry about your mom and dad, but you know, just because I'm not a christian doesn't mean I'm out getting trashed and doing drugs. And I am certianly not scorning my hubby and making him feel bad about his beliefs. Sorry to disapoint you there.

It seems like so many Christian are unable to be happy that my hubby and I are happy. I often get the feeling that they are ticked off that my hubby and I dare to have a happy marriage. Sometimes it seems as if certain Christians are hoping that we will get divorce just so they can waggle their finger at us and say “I told you so.”