Unbelieving husband has abandoned the marriage

[Erica Whitcomb]

My (29F) marriage of 6 years has ended, not my choice. My ex-husband (37M) was a nonbeliever. I have seen scriptural evidence that seems to point to remarriage being sinful because there was no infidelity on either of our parts. I have also seen what seems to be scriptural evidence in 1 Corinthians 7:15, that because my unbelieving husband has deserted me that I am no longer bound to him and that is grounds for a biblical divorce. I am so conflicted and I do not know what to believe. I have dove into all of these scriptures and I realize that most of them in Matthew, Mark, and Luke, they speak about the only biblical divorce is if your spouse is unfaithful to you, but what about 1 Corinthians? Is this an exception for my situation, or is my heart deceiving me and I'm only reading what I want to believe?
Please help me. I am praying over this again and again but I am so scared that God wants me to be alone for the rest of my life.

 

[Maria Billingsley]

My (29F) marriage of 6 years has ended, not my choice. My ex-husband (37M) was a nonbeliever. I have seen scriptural evidence that seems to point to remarriage being sinful because there was no infidelity on either of our parts. I have also seen what seems to be scriptural evidence in 1 Corinthians 7:15, that because my unbelieving husband has deserted me that I am no longer bound to him and that is grounds for a biblical divorce. I am so conflicted and I do not know what to believe. I have dove into all of these scriptures and I realize that most of them in Matthew, Mark, and Luke, they speak about the only biblical divorce is if your spouse is unfaithful to you, but what about 1 Corinthians? Is this an exception for my situation, or is my heart deceiving me and I'm only reading what I want to believe?
Please help me. I am praying over this again and again but I am so scared that God wants me to be alone for the rest of my life.

There is a severe misunderstanding about marriage/ divorce floating around Christiandom. If you walk with His Holy Spirit daily, His truth will shine in you and you will not live in such fear.
Blessings

 

[Erica Whitcomb]

There is a severe misunderstanding about marriage/ divorce floating around Christiandom. If you walk with His Holy Spirit daily, His truth will shine in you and you will not live in such fear.
Blessings

what is the misunderstanding?

 

[2PhiloVoid]

My (29F) marriage of 6 years has ended, not my choice. My ex-husband (37M) was a nonbeliever. I have seen scriptural evidence that seems to point to remarriage being sinful because there was no infidelity on either of our parts. I have also seen what seems to be scriptural evidence in 1 Corinthians 7:15, that because my unbelieving husband has deserted me that I am no longer bound to him and that is grounds for a biblical divorce. I am so conflicted and I do not know what to believe. I have dove into all of these scriptures and I realize that most of them in Matthew, Mark, and Luke, they speak about the only biblical divorce is if your spouse is unfaithful to you, but what about 1 Corinthians? Is this an exception for my situation, or is my heart deceiving me and I'm only reading what I want to believe?
Please help me. I am praying over this again and again but I am so scared that God wants me to be alone for the rest of my life.

I wouldn't worry about it. You're free to marry another person, but try your best to choose a guy who is a serious Christian next time.

Be blessed, Sister!

 

[Hazelelponi]

My (29F) marriage of 6 years has ended, not my choice. My ex-husband (37M) was a nonbeliever. I have seen scriptural evidence that seems to point to remarriage being sinful because there was no infidelity on either of our parts. I have also seen what seems to be scriptural evidence in 1 Corinthians 7:15, that because my unbelieving husband has deserted me that I am no longer bound to him and that is grounds for a biblical divorce. I am so conflicted and I do not know what to believe. I have dove into all of these scriptures and I realize that most of them in Matthew, Mark, and Luke, they speak about the only biblical divorce is if your spouse is unfaithful to you, but what about 1 Corinthians? Is this an exception for my situation, or is my heart deceiving me and I'm only reading what I want to believe?
Please help me. I am praying over this again and again but I am so scared that God wants me to be alone for the rest of my life.

Question:

Your marriage was only 6 years, that's not usually enough time to split up when everyone has their faith as a basic common when they get married, especially believing Christians.

Did you convert to the faith after the marriage?

Did you push him to be something you didn't marry until he was angry and eventually left you over it?

Just saying "unbelieving" spouse isn't enough to know much. If you were a believer who married an unbeliever you would likely be biblically wrong to have married him in the first place, and it's not the same as having been converted during the marriage and he left you because he couldn't be married to a Christian woman (for example because he was Muslim and you became apostate so he divorced and took his children with him).

It seems like some solid counseling is in order, either way. Definitely something to speak with the elders of your church about. You don't want the guilt of more sin, you need to know what God would have you do.

 

[chevyontheriver]

My (29F) marriage of 6 years has ended, not my choice. My ex-husband (37M) was a nonbeliever. I have seen scriptural evidence that seems to point to remarriage being sinful because there was no infidelity on either of our parts.

Generally yes indeed. Even if separated or legally divorced we should not remarry. We are already bound.

I have also seen what seems to be scriptural evidence in 1 Corinthians 7:15, that because my unbelieving husband has deserted me that I am no longer bound to him and that is grounds for a biblical divorce.

Catholics call this the 'Pauline Privilege' where two unbaptized people marry, then one becomes a Christian, then the other one will have nothing to do with the new Christian. That abandoned person is thus free to marry. But it works only for two unbaptized non-believers, one of which then believes, is baptized, and is spurned. Maybe that is your situation. Or not, if you were a believer and knowingly married an unbeliever.

I am so conflicted and I do not know what to believe. I have dove into all of these scriptures and I realize that most of them in Matthew, Mark, and Luke, they speak about the only biblical divorce is if your spouse is unfaithful to you, but what about 1 Corinthians? Is this an exception for my situation, or is my heart deceiving me and I'm only reading what I want to believe?

It's complicated, isn't it. I'll add a wrinkle. The 'exception' in Matthew doesn't specify adultery. That was a much later rationalization. I think it likely refers to a marriage among relatives that are a bit too close, whose marriage would obviously be null and void.

Please help me. I am praying over this again and again but I am so scared that God wants me to be alone for the rest of my life.

Catholics are known for not allowing divorce. But we have a jurisprudence that can examine whether there was a real and valid marriage in the first place. Sometimes, because of profound immaturity, or of deception, or of pre-existing addictions it can be determined that it was a sham from day one. Like the guy who lied about his AIDS status or the woman who never intended to stay married for better or for worse. Such marriages can be determined to be null and void and you are granted a decree of nullity AKA an annulment. Then marrying again, really for the first valid time, is possible. You might have a good grounds for something like that. Or maybe the Pauline privilege. Or maybe you should accept not remarrying. OR, maybe he comes back to you. I have seen that happen, with a guy who suddenly figured out he was an absolute schmuck. It happens. If you were Catholic I would say you should make an appointment with a canon lawyer. Just call the Catholic diocesan office and ask. They can help you figure this out. If you ever decide you want to marry a Catholic you will have to go through that anyhow. It is a way clearer process than being scared and just jumping into something. I've known a few Catholic canon lawyers and they seemed pretty based (the good way).

I'll pray for you today that you can find peace and comfort.