Ugh

[jessesgirl]

So actively trying to conceive...or not trying not to, however you want to look at it. The thing is that hubby has been quite literally refusing to have sex with me. I have been racking my brain trying to figure out what's goingon with him and why the sudden disinterest in me in just about every sense of the word. He would actually rather go to bed "aroused" if you will, than to have sex with me. It has been making me crazy.

He finally told me last night that he has not been having sex with me because he is afraid I'll get pregnant (wishful thinking). So he changed his mind completely about wanting to even TRY for antoher one anymore and he is afraid that my one in a million odds will produce that one. And I pray for it every night. I am so frustrated, so hurt, so mad. I can't believe he didn't feel the need to discuss this with me before now. I could cry and kick him at the same time.

 

[Leanna]

that is so hard (this hug should not be smiling) ... and would be so painful.... do you know why he is afraid of having a second baby?

 

[Sign Of The Fish Burger]

Well I can sort of relate... sort of.

My husband never refused to have sex with me, but I was ready to start trying WAY before DH was. It was extremely hard and I was heart broken. BUT, it was one area I knew that it was extremely important that BOTH of us be on the same page for. I didn't want to get pg and have DH feel resentment toward me or the baby, so I knew it was crutial that we both agreed on this matter.

I just continued to pray and leave it in God's hands. The yearning for a child never stopped but I knew I had to leave the issue alone and I knew when the time was right he would come to me. All it took was the time that God n eeded to soften his heart and a few weeks later DH came to ME excited and ready to start TTC. It was so special because I knwe 100% that BOTH our hearts were in it.

I really advise you to think carefully about going forward with your husband not on the same page. I know it's hard but I think it would be even harder if you did get pregnant and he wasn't 100% on board with it.

 

[jessesgirl]

Thanks ladies. He was the same way before I got pregnant with Justin, though. He toldme time and time again that we couldn't afford a baby...and then when it accidentally happened, he was ecstatic...same with baby #2 that we lost. He is so scared because he thinks we can't afford it, but he couldn't be any further from wrong. We have some debt but it will be paid off in a year, max. And even as much as I WANT to have more, like I said, it will probably never happen. I guess what irks me is that we decided that the size of our family would be entirely up to God, but now it is like he is trying to one up Him by just not having sex with me.


He even told me last night that if I wound up pregnant, he'd be so excited but that he doesn't want to try... It makes no sense, at all.

 

[atheliah]

Maybe the real reason he doesn't want sex is not so much about not wanting you to get pregs, but more of the fact that he is scared that if you do get pregs, you might lose the baby like last time.

Money issues lay heavily on our husbands, as they are the providers. That's added stress he's thinking about too.

I agree with what SOTFB said, pray for your DH and ask God to work out this situation.

My DH is hanging for us to have a kid, we'd be having sex 10 times a day if it was up to him... I've been pregnant twice, and miscarried both times, so I pretty much feel like a stuff up failure. While he is hanging to have a kid, I'm not so much because of some reasons I won't get into here.

I'm trying to leave it all in God's hands, because that is all I can do right now.

Things will work out with your hubby jessesgirl, and maybe your husband is still grieving the baby you lost?

 

[jessesgirl]

Maybe the real reason he doesn't want sex is not so much about not wanting you to get pregs, but more of the fact that he is scared that if you do get pregs, you might lose the baby like last time.

Money issues lay heavily on our husbands, as they are the providers. That's added stress he's thinking about too.

I agree with what SOTFB said, pray for your DH and ask God to work out this situation.

My DH is hanging for us to have a kid, we'd be having sex 10 times a day if it was up to him... I've been pregnant twice, and miscarried both times, so I pretty much feel like a stuff up failure. While he is hanging to have a kid, I'm not so much because of some reasons I won't get into here.

I'm trying to leave it all in God's hands, because that is all I can do right now.

Things will work out with your hubby jessesgirl, and maybe your husband is still grieving the baby you lost?

I hadn't even thought of it like that. We had a big long talk a few days agao and we said we were going to work through it. It has been close to a week and we still haven't had sex.

Not that I am a sex fiend or anything, I just miss that part of our relationship.

 

[andrewneely]

Jessegirl, take your husband to 1 cor 7:1-5 God instructs us that we are to be available to our spouses "to avoid fornication" to prevent us from being tempted.

You are not alone. I find myself in a similar situation. My wife and I have had trouble conceiving. We tried for four years before Laura was born, and almost another 8 passed before Ben came.

My problem is that my wife said all along that she only wanted two kids. I came from a large family (youngest of 5) and I love kids. I wanted at least three.

Now, she is pressuring me to get fixed, and I don't know how to feel about it. On one hand, its safer, cheaper and easier for me to do it than her, but on the other I really don't want to.

She's worried about money, about her health, her age, and she just doesn't want more than two kids.