Ugh....help

[Manna]

Okay, I'm really not trying to get bad mama marks here, but I am sooo tired of this.

Breanna has been pretty whiney lately. I'm in a cranky mood today, so it's buggin me more but it's been developing over the past few weeks. She's been whining a lot more, and crying at the drop of a hat. If she doesn't get her way immediately, it's tantrum central. Ugh, it's just REALLY starting to get to me.

I never raise my voice to her, that's a big rule for me. So when she starts whining or crying without reason, I say her name and tell her to look at me (calm voice, not harsh). Once we have eye contact, I smile and say "You need to talk to Mama like a big girl, okay?" Then she says okay and calms down. Which is great! But while it's helped the END of the fits to get better, it hasn't stopped her from actually starting!

What should I do? Is this something that should work itself out? I don't want to let it go too far...

Anyone been through this? Is there a light at the end? lol

 

[Entertaining_Angels]

My three year old does this and while I can stop it like you, it doesn't prevent it from starting. Lately, because I've just been too busy, I just put her out on the porch or in her room to think about it once it starts. It is helping. I also never respond to her whining. She knows if she wants mom's attention she has to speak normally and that I believe whining is the sign of needing a nap.

Every child is different though so I hope you find what works for you.

 

[Leanna]

I don't know what to say except-- we're right there with you. David has been pushing my buttons recently...

 

[lucypevensie]

Whining can become a bad habit. What worked best for us was to calmly send them to their room when the whining began. I'd make it very clear that they are free to come back downstairs when they are ready to speak clearly and respectfully. A few times they came downstairs still whining, but I held firm and sent them right back. It really helped. My very-passionate-about-life son had to learn some self-control, and this was one trick that helped him reign in his own temper.

 

[Manna]

It's nice to know I'm not the only one! I came REALLY close to losing my patience with her earlier this morning, and that is NOT okay with me! I know that it's mainly because I'm in a funky mood, and that's not her fault. But even when I'm in a GREAT mood, I can only take so much of this! lol

 

[Leanna]

I'm having one of those days too. I'm exhausted for no reason, I feel crabby.... and David is like Mr. Energy Man. I just laid him down for a nap and now I am going to do *nothing* until he wakes. Maybe I should drink some caffeine.... oh wait, there's none in the house. Bummer.

 

[andiesmama]

nope, you're not alone! I started early on with Andie trying to nip this problem before it began. As soon as I saw the beginnings of a tantrum, I'd calmly pick her up & tell her "Tantrums are NOT acceptable behaviour" (calmly but firmly), and carry to her room and set her in her bed.

I've found that without an audience, the tantrums don't last very long.....

 

[Manna]

I like the idea of taking her away from the situation or place and getting rid of any audience, rather than just "fussing" back...lol.

But my concern is this -- I take her to her room, place her on her bed and tell her she can come out whenever she's ready to "talk like a big girl," and then as soon as I leave the room, she hops down and starts playing with her toys...lol. Wouldn't that be ineffective?

 

[icbeckyc]

I use to do that with my youngest. She was (and unfortunately still is to an extent) a very bad whiner. It can get difficult. I would say the biggest trick it make sure they know you won't allow it. So as soon as it starts tell her to go sit on her bed and think of a better way to come back out when she can talk like a big girl. There were times Sarah would just fall asleep(probably because she just needed an extra nap) and other times she would be in there 60 seconds and back with a better attitude. And with my red head there were a couple of times I would go in after 30-45 mins and I asked if she was ready and she said no she wasnt through whining. lol

 

[Leanna]

nope, you're not alone! I started early on with Andie trying to nip this problem before it began. As soon as I saw the beginnings of a tantrum, I'd calmly pick her up & tell her "Tantrums are NOT acceptable behaviour" (calmly but firmly), and carry to her room and set her in her bed.

I've found that without an audience, the tantrums don't last very long.....

We do that too... it does seem to prevent tantrums because we don't have any/many.

My aggravation comes from the lack of impulse control, he's always grabbing things which drives me crazy.

 

[andiesmama]

I like the idea of taking her away from the situation or place and getting rid of any audience, rather than just "fussing" back...lol.

But my concern is this -- I take her to her room, place her on her bed and tell her she can come out whenever she's ready to "talk like a big girl," and then as soon as I leave the room, she hops down and starts playing with her toys...lol. Wouldn't that be ineffective?

Well, it stopped the whining, right? IMO, let her play with her toys, she's still in there alone & the tantrum/whining is over with. You go in after 5 or 10 or whatever minutes, ask her if she's ready to "talk like a big girl" & remind her that the next time she starts with the whining, it's back to her room.

 

[Leanna]

For us its not so much a punishment as a change of scenery. He realizes "oh, its not working." Then after a while I think he put it together.... if he throws himself to the ground, mommy sets him in his room and goes off to do something else. . o O ( This is not effective. Maybe I should try kissing mommy and asking ... ) O o . Works too

 

[Manna]

I'll definitely give it a shot!! ANYTHING at this point, yanno?

And Leanna, I'm with you about the grabby hands. It can really drive me crazy some days! I have to force myself to relax and remember that she's just 2 years old, it's all still new to her!

 

[Leanna]

So does she grab *everything* ??? Ahhhh!! Like I got down plates to make peanut butter and jelly and I set them on the table hoping I can beat him back to the table but no.... he grabs the plates. Its like I don't have enough places out of reach anymore. Then he kept grabbing the bread and almost smooshing it.

 

[Manna]

Oh yeah....everything. Sometimes it's like she has 6 hands out there!! And while I do have a safe home in that she can't get to anything that could harm her, I chose not to *completely* babyproof my home, so that I could teach her that there are some things that are not supposed to be picked up and rolled around the room. And while it does seem to be slightly working, I think the practice will be the death of me!! =P

 

[Entertaining_Angels]

Wow, an actual issue I don't have with my daughter...no grabby hands. We're not a baby proof house so that would be a struggle here.

With my daughter, she'll still have her tantrum all alone in her room. She does not need an audience but it helps because it takes her away from whatever was causing her whining and it gives me a bit of peace.

 

[charligirl]

I am not at that stage with Kate yet, but I do remember a stury from one of my friends.

They were on their way to the zoo for a fmaily day and the youngest (2 or 3 at the time) was whining and being naughty, he was warned a couple of times but he continues. daddy finally said that if he did it again they were going home and there would be no zoo... well he did it again so they turned the car around and went home... and he had the biggest tantrum ever when they got back, he threw himself on the threshold and screamed and kicked. They calmly stepped over him and went to sit in the front room - they live in the very smart part of central Edinburgh and there was alot of people about - he screamed for 25 minutes !!!!!! then he gave up, took himself into the house and he never did it again.

I am hoping it never comes to that! Or if it does we are not in a public place!

 

[Linnis]

I am babysitting a 2 year old boy. His mother was worried about his tantrums(whine, cry and then throw himself on the floor for not getting his way) but I simply say "I'm sorry you arn't happy but I won't listen to this." and leave the room(there house is open concept so I can still see and hear him) and they've never lasted more than 45 seconds. Like Andie'smama said without an audience they give up.

They are hard to deal with, when you have 30 of these 45 second episodes in the run of an 8 hour day and you really want to be the one to have a tantrum.

 

[andiesmama]

They are hard to deal with, when you have 30 of these 45 second episodes in the run of an 8 hour day and you really want to be the one to have a tantrum.

lol....that reminded me! I've been known to have a tantrum right along with Andie (I haven't done it for quite awhile, tho)....but when she was throwing one for no reason, I'd do exactly what she was doing....yell, kick, etc....

She'd be so shocked at seeing mommy act that way she forgot all about the tantrum! Then we'd have a talk about how silly mommy looked & how silly ANDIE looked....etc....