Twenty-Seven

[HammOnWry]

Twenty-seven. That will be my age, next month. It will also mean that nearly fourteen years have passed since I was taken from a horrible situation.

I was about five or six when my father first molested me. It's not necessary for me to post the specifics, but suffice to say that things became increasingly worse throughout the next several years that followed, until around the age of 12 or so. It was then that molestation turned to rape.

I've mentioned that I was taken from this situation, and so I was: I did the only thing that a frightened, hurt little girl could think to do: I prayed. Or more accurately, I begged, and pleaded, and screamed, all inside my head. And thankfully, my words did not go unheard -- that frightened little girl found herself just a little less afraid, for once. I was given the courage, on that night, to run away.

This is my story, and I tell it to you now with the later realization that it was God who helped lead me out of that terrible life. I'm not healed from it, even yet. I still have a hard time trusting others. I don't like being touched, as even the friendliest of hugs, or the most casual expression of affections can easily bring about a flood of bad memories from my past. I'm receiving counseling, though, and I find that my faith gives me the most steadfast of relationships to depend upon.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

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[Taylor43]

Thankyou for having the courage to share. I still have a hard time dealing with my past. I am praying for you and if you need to talk my pm box is always open
Love
Taylor

 

[BelindaP]

I'm so glad you got out of that terrible situation. Keep going to counseling, and it will get better. I consider myself more or less completely healed, but I still don't much like people grabbing me and hugging me. However, it's more of a preference now, because it doesn't cause flashbacks any more.

Hang onto God, and He'll hang onto you.

 

[327]

Twenty-seven. That will be my age, next month. It will also mean that nearly fourteen years have passed since I was taken from a horrible situation.

I was about five or six when my father first molested me. It's not necessary for me to post the specifics, but suffice to say that things became increasingly worse throughout the next several years that followed, until around the age of 12 or so. It was then that molestation turned to rape.

I've mentioned that I was taken from this situation, and so I was: I did the only thing that a frightened, hurt little girl could think to do: I prayed. Or more accurately, I begged, and pleaded, and screamed, all inside my head. And thankfully, my words did not go unheard -- that frightened little girl found herself just a little less afraid, for once. I was given the courage, on that night, to run away.

This is my story, and I tell it to you now with the later realization that it was God who helped lead me out of that terrible life. I'm not healed from it, even yet. I still have a hard time trusting others. I don't like being touched, as even the friendliest of hugs, or the most casual expression of affections can easily bring about a flood of bad memories from my past. I'm receiving counseling, though, and I find that my faith gives me the most steadfast of relationships to depend upon.

When I read your post the first thing that came to my heart is "Break out of that shell". I use to be the same way. I didn't want anyone showing me any affection and I was afraid to let people in. One thing I notice about certain things I went through, I had to give it all to God. For some reason since man on this earth hurt me so deeply, I couldn't put my full trust in God even though I knew He is faithful. The enemy wants you to be isolated and closed in...that way that gift God instored in you can't be put into action as much as it should. You sould forgive those who hurt you and love them..no matter if you have to fight with yourself..love them. I started being a person of giving. Whether its my time, money, or love. I wanted to break from my shell of trying to protect myself and trust God that He will carry me. I had to trust God that my heart is in His hands. Give Him your heart so that He can restore you. The enemy thought He destroyed your heart but that is a lie. You are beautiful, intelligent, loved, and a mighty woman of God. Do not let your past hinder you from the blessings God instored in you...because its powerful. Show affection, show love, help those who are hurting too and don't focus on what happened to you. Focus on how you can be a blessing in other people lives and watch God move in a mighty way. He said in His word to guard your heart. Guarding and disconnecting yourself from your heart is two different things. Reconnect with who you are, start getting to know the positive things in you, and focus on what you can do through Christ, and trust God that He will heal your heart and give you a supernatural break through. He has His eye on you and He is very pleased of you. He wants you to be His vessel even more. Okay? I love you my sister in Christ God Bless

 

[UnitynLove]

When I read your post the first thing that came to my heart is "Break out of that shell". I use to be the same way. I didn't want anyone showing me any affection and I was afraid to let people in. One thing I notice about certain things I went through, I had to give it all to God. For some reason since man on this earth hurt me so deeply, I couldn't put my full trust in God even though I knew He is faithful. The enemy wants you to be isolated and closed in...that way that gift God instored in you can't be put into action as much as it should. You sould forgive those who hurt you and love them..no matter if you have to fight with yourself..love them. I started being a person of giving. Whether its my time, money, or love. I wanted to break from my shell of trying to protect myself and trust God that He will carry me. I had to trust God that my heart is in His hands. Give Him your heart so that He can restore you. The enemy thought He destroyed your heart but that is a lie. You are beautiful, intelligent, loved, and a mighty woman of God. Do not let your past hinder you from the blessings God instored in you...because its powerful. Show affection, show love, help those who are hurting too and don't focus on what happened to you. Focus on how you can be a blessing in other people lives and watch God move in a mighty way. He said in His word to guard your heart. Guarding and disconnecting yourself from your heart is two different things. Reconnect with who you are, start getting to know the positive things in you, and focus on what you can do through Christ, and trust God that He will heal your heart and give you a supernatural break through. He has His eye on you and He is very pleased of you. He wants you to be His vessel even more. Okay? I love you my sister in Christ God Bless

Wow you are so wise.

 

[Murmur]

I am so sorry that happened to you, sweetie.

PM me if you feel the need to talk to a fellow survivor.

 

[pennsyginny]

I am so glad you were able to get out of the situation. To run away must have taken a lot of courage.
I was molested from about 4 to 14 and din't deal with it until i was 30. When I was 28 I was raped and did not deal with that till this past year. I accepted jesus as a child but had no folo-thru or discipleship. When my first marriage was going down the tubes and my son was a baby, I recommitted my life to Christ and am now an active church member.
Thank God for jesus' love and example.
Currently I am in individual counseling and group therapy.
Life does get better. At one time i could not stand to be hugged and if a guy put a friendly hand on my shoulder I inwardly wanted to go on the attack. Now I love to be hugged, especially by my women friends who are such a support to me.
Even though I don't always live as close to the Lord as i should I do know that He is there for me and am comforted by that.
God bless you.
Pennsyginny