I will admit that my marriage has been pretty difficult the last year or so. I have done everything I can think to make it work. All except this last one. My husband took off to another state. (This is nothing new for him) Usually I move with him with little arguement. This time I am holding firm as my daughter(his step daughter)has not had a stable home in one place for years. The last two years in a row has had to start in the middle of the year at new schools. (This equals four schools in the last two years alone. Six schools total -and one of the schools she went to two times!)I am starting to wonder when this is considered more than unfair, and just plain abusive as the moves are not justifiable but only to satisfy my husbands whims. He refuses to come back here and expects us to move to him but I think it is wrong to do this to my child anymore. My question is this: 1Cor 7:15 says"But if the husband or wife of a believer insists on leaving, let themgo. In such cases the christian husband or wife is not required to stay with them, for God wants his children to live in peace." Does this mean I can stay where I am and if that ends the marriage, since he refuses to return, then I am not at fault? Or am I just trying to get off on a technicality?
-
Starting today August 7th, 2024, in order to post in the Married Couples, Courting Couples, or Singles forums, you will not be allowed to post if you have your Marital status designated as private. Announcements will be made in the respective forums as well but please note that if yours is currently listed as Private, you will need to submit a ticket in the Support Area to have yours changed.
-
CF has always been a site that welcomes people from different backgrounds and beliefs to participate in discussion and even debate. That is the nature of its ministry. In view of recent events emotions are running very high. We need to remind people of some basic principles in debating on this site. We need to be civil when we express differences in opinion. No personal attacks. Avoid you, your statements. Don't characterize an entire political party with comparisons to Fascism or Communism or other extreme movements that committed atrocities. CF is not the place for broad brush or blanket statements about groups and political parties. Put the broad brushes and blankets away when you come to CF, better yet, put them in the incinerator. Debate had no place for them. We need to remember that people that commit acts of violence represent themselves or a small extreme faction.
Trying to get off on a technicality?
- Thread starter needhislove
- Start date
Oh I so feel ya there - so did I.needhislove said:
I think for me, the question was when is enough, enough? I gave and gave and gave in my marriage and I never GOT back anything in return but heartache and abuse. FOR ME, I got to the point where enough was enough. Marriage is give and take and I was doing ALL the giving. I had known for a long time it was time to divorce my husband but the human in me just didn't want to break the family up. I was so miserable and he was so miserable that it began to make our children miserable. As far as your situation goes I think you have to do what is in the best interest of the child. The court will also look at this as well. Everyone has their own opinion of different situations but only YOU know what the real deal is. Only YOU can make a decision as to what you're going to do. IF it were my husband, I'd say he's acting selfish and only thinking of his needs and wants instead of the family. If it were my husband, I would say he was acting like a single man with no responsibilities whatsoever. BUT that's just me. IF it were me, I'd go with what I felt God was telling me to do and I would follow my motherly instincts b/c they are NEVER wrong.
I think that you are in a situation and you're desperate for answers. For me, I let the Holy Spirit be my guide ESPECIALLY when reading the scriptures. For a long time, God kept giving me signs - little red flags, talking to me - but I couldn't hear Him b/c I was too busy trying to make decisions on my own without God's help. I said I wanted God's help but I was still doing things MY way. I think that a lot of times, people know what they need to do but fear steps in and that causes doubt. IMO, Fear and Doubt are not of God. Once I got past that fear and that doubt - Once I was so deseperate that I refused to try and figure things out on my own and turn things over to God FULLY, I had peace. I immediately knew what I had to do in my life to get things on track - not only for me but for my children.
Also, I want to add - whatever you decide to do - there are a lot of things out there to help you. The internet being a great tool for you to research etc. For example - I don't know your state laws but techincally if you choose to leave you may be able to get him on desertion. I'm not really sure HOWEVER, there are plenty of websites out there for you to research what your rights as a parent and a wife are. There are plenty of websites to research so that you can prepare yourself once you make some decisions in your life about what you want to do - whatever the choice may be. I will keep you in my prayers and please pm me anytime you need to talk. Hang in there.
Upvote
0
Well I believe that the lord is saying that he wants his children to live in peace. So I believe he is saying that if the move is hard on you're daughter and you and it is not bringing peace you might want to stay where you are at even if it ends you're marriage. But remember whenever in doubt ask the lord to show you and listen with you're heart in you're spirit and you will know what is best for you and you're daughter for you're father will help you.
Upvote
0
Thank you both for your input. I have been praying and will continue to. I am so thankful there is a place I can go to speak to other christians who have been through some rough marital stuff. God bless.
Upvote
0
This scripture pertains to leaving in the sense of ending the relationship. Your husband wants you with him so this scripture does not apply. I urge you to trust the word of God and your husband, as the Bible would have you do.needhislove said:
Upvote
0
I think you should go with him but you tell him it is the last time and no more.
If at last , he continues to move to other place, let him go. But you tell him you wait for him to come back and live together.
This means you don't want to end the relation but for the daughter.
If at last , he continues to move to other place, let him go. But you tell him you wait for him to come back and live together.
This means you don't want to end the relation but for the daughter.
Upvote
0
SirKenin
Contributor
- Jun 26, 2003
- 6,518
- 526
- Faith
- Baptist
- Marital Status
- Married
I agree with desi. You are trying to get off on a technicality. Just remember that you can't fool God, k?
The passage in question was addressing non-Christian spouses ending the relatioship because they could not live with their partners' Christianity. To the best of my understanding, your case does not apply.
The passage in question was addressing non-Christian spouses ending the relatioship because they could not live with their partners' Christianity. To the best of my understanding, your case does not apply.
Upvote
0
Well, thank you everyone. I have thought and prayed and listened to the advice others have given me, but mostly I have prayed. I have decided that yes, it would be wrong to let him go. We have talked and he will be coming back soon. Thank you all for your frankness. Now I will ask for prayer for the success of my marriage. Thank you.
Upvote
0
rainyday
God is my umbrella
- May 4, 2004
- 491
- 53
- Faith
- Catholic
- Marital Status
- Private
- Politics
- US-Others
Wow ... desi just gave a nod in my favor, imagine that!desi said:
Needshislove ... in my case, my husband left and never returned to us. He has no intentions of doing so and began to live a life as though already divorced seeing/having sex with others. My husband was not a God fearing man and would never attend church with me either. He has been gone for 6 years now and I am just now finally going after the divorce because it's hard on my daughter when she tries to answer her friends that her parent's aren't divorced but they don't live together, as well as he's never here. I believe this is what that passage is meant for, when you're abandoned by a non-believing spouse who has no intent on returning to the marriage.
BUT ... I agree 110% with blessed on this one. Only YOU know you're situation.
What kind of job does your husband have that he can just keep on moving you like gypsies? He doesn't sound as if he wanted to 'settle' down and grow roots ... something you do when your married with children, or try to (military excluded). To me, it doesn't sound like your husband considers your daughter's plight. Does he geniunely love her? Does he have children of his own? If not, he may not really experience the love a parent has for their child, although he may think he does. I know I didn't 'get it' till I had one of my own. I was always told "it's different when it's your child" and I'd always roll my eyes when I heard that line thinking, "yeah that'll make a difference" ... but until I held my own flesh and blood in my arms I truly didn't understand it. It DID make the difference and I finally felt the unconditional love for a child. Maybe it's just not there for him at that level? The way you portrayed this it does sound like he's being selfish and thinking only of himself. Children need stability. If your husband wants it to work out ... he'll return, especially considering how many times he has moved you both around, this time should be his to return and follow his family.
Is this a possibility? Could he possibly be trying to run YOU off in the attempt at ending the marriage? This way he won't be the one labeled the 'bad guy.' I've known many who do things repeatively in order to run a spouse off so they could lament, "he/she left/divorced me" when in reality it was exactly the outcome they wanted, they masterminded and they accomplished by running off their spouse. So ... these are things to ponder for you. Again, only you know the full situation to ascertain and discern as appropriate. Pray for the Holy Spirit's clarity. God bless you and your daughter.
Upvote
0
Thanks Rainyday! Lol. I'm not used to people agreeing with me - lol......
Needhislove, I wish you peace and many, many blessings. Whether it works out or whether it doesn't, we're always here for you no matter what.
I truly hope that whatever God wants for you happens. I really do - I'll continue to keep you in my prayers that God's will for you be done.
Pm me anytime you need a friend.
Hugs,
Nikki
Needhislove, I wish you peace and many, many blessings. Whether it works out or whether it doesn't, we're always here for you no matter what.
I truly hope that whatever God wants for you happens. I really do - I'll continue to keep you in my prayers that God's will for you be done.
Pm me anytime you need a friend.
Hugs,Nikki
Upvote
0
Just wanted to update everyone. My husband came home last week after two months of being apart. I held to not moving and he came home. Everything has been going well. I pray everyday for a good day and that we all appreciate each other. (I am including my daughter when I say "all") Thank you all. God Bless. Oh yeah, I had to work last Sunday and my daughter was out of town staying at her cousins overnight and he went to church BY HIMSELF! I didn't even have to mention it to him. He wanted to go. Praise God!
My, does prayer change things!
God Bless. Oh yeah, I had to work last Sunday and my daughter was out of town staying at her cousins overnight and he went to church BY HIMSELF! I didn't even have to mention it to him. He wanted to go. Praise God! My, does prayer change things!
Upvote
0
Similar threads
