Trying to forget

[InHisCare]

It has been a year and a half since my husband passed. Lately I have been really disconnecting myself from my widow "status". I used to not hesitate to say that I was a widow. Now I just say I'm single. I used to mention my husbands name in conversation pretty often. Now I purposely don't. I seemed to have moved into some sort of denial stage. I just recently went through a major surgery. When I woke up in the recovery room the nurse said that my husband and my sister were in the waiting room. It was my sister and her husband. My response to the nurse was, "I don't have a husband".
I don't know how to handle this new attitude. I feel like I am betraying him in some way. I just want to forget all the pain that goes with him being gone.

 

[Chrystal-J]

I know how you feel, people who haven't seen me in a while are asking my how my husband's doing (he was sick for a long time). When I tell them he passed, they console me--which is kind of them--but then I feel "down" again. It's like I want to be able to talk about it--but, then I don't want to. It's so confusing. I'm sure it's all part of the grieving process.
I'm just trying to stay strong in prayer--it really helps me a lot. I post on prayer request forums and I pray in church (and at home). I feel like that's all I can do for now. I hope you feel better soon...
Take Care,
C J

 

[JeanR]

Terry died 14 months ago. I never liked saying I was a widow. It opened the door to people asking how I was doing and that took me right back to the time he died. I have to move forward and live a life. Each day is a challenge without my husband. He will always be a part of me and our children, but I don't want to be married to a ghost. Terry wouldn't have wanted that either.

It sounds to me like you are ready to take the next step of moving on. I wish I could give you advice, but I'm at the same place you are. My grief counselor stated that there are no rules when it comes to grieving. You do what you feel like doing--cry if you want to, laugh if you want to, wear your rings if you want to, don't wear them if you don't want to. One day at a time with the Lord's guidance.

 

[comewhatmay]

Most days i don't even know what i am status-wise. This was especially so when it came to filling up forms. It was either single, married, divorced or others. I am single yet don't feel like one, in fact i still feel married with young kids. So that left me with others (divorced was a non-issue). Yet i couldn't say that i'm a widow. I'm at a stage where new acquantainces who knows that i have kids assumed that i'm married and i usually just left them to that assumption. I just couldn't bring myself to correct them without going through the whole thing again- sympathy, condolences and questions about his death which i did not feel up to answering. It made me feel so horrible about leading them on but i just couldn't say it. I only say it when it was absolutely neccessary and that itself proved to be tough on most days. I'd like to think that i will get pass this stage one day and saying it won't be so hard anymore.