Trying so hard to trust God

[Lynn07]

[FONT='Calibri','sans-serif']7 weeks ago, my boyfriend and best friend of over 4 years broke up with me. This break up felt almost out of the blue to me. One month before the break up, we had a discussion in which he told me that he felt like after four years of dating someone he should feel absolutely positive that we would get married, and he didn’t. The fact that he had some doubts really scared him. We talked this out, and I said that four years of dating when you start at age 18 is quite different from 4 years later on b/c both people change so much during that time. I thought that our discussion went well, and I know that he said he felt relieved that he had talked to me. However, during this talk he did say that on his way over, he thought that we would maybe be breaking up, which did not end up happening. This comment of his clearly made me feel quite uneasy, and so that is the only reason why this break up was not 100% out of the blue. As far as reasons for the breakup, we had three main talks, and I learned a little more each time about his feelings, but still feel pretty confused. At first, he just said that he felt unhappy in the relationship, that it sometimes felt like a burden, that he didn’t want to be in a relationship right now. When I asked him, he couldn’t think of any specific things to tell me about what he was unhappy about, what about our relationship, me, etc. This was quite hard to accept, as I really had no idea what he was thinking. It was a week later that I talked to him again. This time he was able to tell me a little bit more how he was feeling. He said that he wasn’t sure if it was b/c we are at somewhat different stages right now (I just graduated college, have a full-time teaching job starting in Aug., and he has one more year of school) or not, but being in the relationship was making him feel trapped and that his life was narrowing. He said that he didn’t feel like he knew himself very well as an independent young person outside of a relationship. He said that he thought it would be good for both of us to live independent from each other, and that I was going to become so strong through this. He said he thought I was somewhat dependent upon him. When I asked him if this was more of a (1) mike and lynn do not work together break-up or (2) timing/phase for mike break-up, he didn’t really know, but answered with things that make me think it’s more of timing issues he is going thru. He said that as far as the future and us, he just doesn’t know. He pretty much left it that if we are meant to be together, then sometime in the future we will get back together. He said that at one point he remembers thinking to himself, “I wish you and I would have met at age 22 instead of 18.”….I’m not sure what to take from that statement, maybe that he thinks we need time to grow as individuals? [/font]
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[FONT='Calibri','sans-serif']Within the last year, I had decided that he was the person I wanted to marry, and so this loss bares a great deal of loss on my entire life. Because of our young age we had never discussed marriage much, but I had begun envisioning my future with him, and it brought me so much happiness and anticipation. Those great feelings for the future have now been replaced with dread and hopelessness.[/font]
[FONT='Calibri','sans-serif'][FONT='Calibri','sans-serif']I feel like I have also lost my faith in people. While I still have a faith in God, I don’t have much faith or interest in people, which is so, so sad. [/font]
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[FONT='Calibri','sans-serif']I guess I am just looking for advice/support, anything that may help me see some light at the end of this dark tunnel right now. [/font][/font]

 

[Anti Existance]

7 weeks ago, my boyfriend and best friend of over 4 years broke up with me. This break up felt almost out of the blue to me. One month before the break up, we had a discussion in which he told me that he felt like after four years of dating someone he should feel absolutely positive that we would get married, and he didn’t.

The fact that he had some doubts really scared him. We talked this out, and I said that four years of dating when you start at age 18 is quite different from 4 years later on b/c both people change so much during that time. I thought that our discussion went well, and I know that he said he felt relieved that he had talked to me. However, during this talk he did say that on his way over, he thought that we would maybe be breaking up, which did not end up happening.

This comment of his clearly made me feel quite uneasy, and so that is the only reason why this break up was not 100% out of the blue. As far as reasons for the breakup, we had three main talks, and I learned a little more each time about his feelings, but still feel pretty confused. At first, he just said that he felt unhappy in the relationship, that it sometimes felt like a burden, that he didn’t want to be in a relationship right now. When I asked him, he couldn’t think of any specific things to tell me about what he was unhappy about, what about our relationship, me, etc.

This was quite hard to accept, as I really had no idea what he was thinking. It was a week later that I talked to him again. This time he was able to tell me a little bit more how he was feeling. He said that he wasn’t sure if it was b/c we are at somewhat different stages right now (I just graduated college, have a full-time teaching job starting in Aug., and he has one more year of school) or not,

but being in the relationship was making him feel trapped and that his life was narrowing. He said that he didn’t feel like he knew himself very well as an independent young person outside of a relationship. He said that he thought it would be good for both of us to live independent from each other, and that I was going to become so strong through this. He said he thought I was somewhat dependent upon him.

When I asked him if this was more of a (1) mike and lynn do not work together break-up or (2) timing/phase for mike break-up, he didn’t really know, but answered with things that make me think it’s more of timing issues he is going thru. He said that as far as the future and us, he just doesn’t know. He pretty much left it that if we are meant to be together, then sometime in the future we will get back together. He said that at one point he remembers thinking to himself,

“I wish you and I would have met at age 22 instead of 18.”….I’m not sure what to take from that statement, maybe that he thinks we need time to grow as individuals?

Within the last year, I had decided that he was the person I wanted to marry, and so this loss bares a great deal of loss on my entire life. Because of our young age we had never discussed marriage much, but I had begun envisioning my future with him, and it brought me so much happiness and anticipation. Those great feelings for the future have now been replaced with dread and hopelessness.

I feel like I have also lost my faith in people. While I still have a faith in God, I don’t have much faith or interest in people, which is so, so sad.

I guess I am just looking for advice/support, anything that may help me see some light at the end of this dark tunnel right now.

My eyes!!! ;'( Please use some spaces when writing a story like that.

 

[Anti Existance]

I know guys so let me tell you about it. All guys have their own hobby that they need time and space for outside of the relationship to be able to have a sense of breathing space, thats got absolutely nothing to do with you. Call it Mike's time if you like , you see

A relationship is all about being together, but still being able to do your own thing.

Mike's feeling suffocated because he can't do his 'own thing', this is a big problem because this makes him 'non existant' , its only you ,or the two of you together but its never him, or what he likes. This is what makes him terribly sad and unhappy.

Also he's holding back, there's things about you he doesn't like. But he's not telling them because he's afraid that he'll hurt you emotionally. He's most likely thinking something nasty in the sense of you being too fat,ugly,or too clingy but since saying things in those lines would devestate any womans feelings, he giving you the 'i don't know whats wrong in our relationship'. You shouldn't be too suprised if he has certain things he dislikes about you that he's not telling, because you can't fool me in that after 4 years just simply the 'needing space' issue is the only thing that's going wrong in the relationship.

The Parable of the Sower

1That same day Jesus went out of the house and sat by the lake. 2Such large crowds gathered around him that he got into a boat and sat in it, while all the people stood on the shore. 3Then he told them many things in parables, saying: "A farmer went out to sow his seed. 4As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. 5Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. 6But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. 7Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants. 8Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop—a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown. 9He who has ears, let him hear."

At this moment you are the seed that has been planted amongst the thorns, the problems of this world are growing over your head and are chocking you.

Hear my advice pray to the Sower of the Seeds(our lord) that he may removeth the thorns that are growing above your head. So that you may be free in your love again. I admitsth it is hard to go against the flow of negativity in this world, but you may not bow to Satan. You must believe in Love, and only allow positivity in your life, while bannishing all the negativity out of your life.

There is light at the Tunnel and its called Love.

Have faith in God, for were there is hope there is life.