trusting men

europechristian · Oct 3, 2006

Hi, I have not posted much on this forum so as a very brief introduction I will tell you than I am 18, female, and have been a christian since I was 15. My problem is this: I never used to have a problem with guys, I trusted them just as much as women, but recently I have noticed that I am starting to really distrust guys, and it doesnt seem to make sense to me. What I mean is I don't distrust guys for just little, mundane reasons, it's more like I feel as if guys have so much going on under the surface and how do I know they are not hiding really bad things? But I don't know why I think that. There are stories on the news all the time, like the one right now about the man who went into a school and killed those amish kids, always stories about guys doing horrible things, murderers, rapists, pedophiles, etc...and every time I hear stories like that now it really freaks me out. Like these are just everyday guys who everyone thinks are normal but it turns out actually all along they had this horrible secret.

And if it is not that you here about guys, in the media and in everyday life, cheating on their wives, girlfriends, and I know that's not exclusive to guys yet when I here stuff like that it really gets to me too....like about people living double lives, lying, keeping secrets, I hate it.

I don't know why but I suddenly feel like I have started to wonder if ALL guys have these sordid secrets, which they must not, but I start to question it in people. I don't know if it has anything to do with guys in my life, so you know I don't know my father he left when I was a baby, I have one brother (not a Christian) but I don't know him very well (despite living with him!), he does drugs, I dont really trust him either because he used to hit me and he is into violent music....I have some guy friends, I had one who used to hit me and be pretty abusive though and I know that did shake my confidence....

Anyway, really I want to know how I can not feel this way, how I can get over this, not all guys can be bad or violent or cheaters, right?

Everlasting33 · Oct 3, 2006

Ya know, I completely understand where you are coming from. I have and still struggle with my trust issues with men when I see the horrible things they do.
However, I must focus my attention on the good guys, like my boyfriend, who really care about their loved ones and are not cheaters or "evil."

Its hard NOT to generalize men in this category but to be honest, men have ruled the world in crime and that isn't going to stop(although women are slowing doing the same).

I can be realisitic about the stats but there are plenty of good guys and i firmly believe a lot of women marry these men when they know they shouldn't.

Maastricht · Oct 3, 2006

there are good reasons not to trust men. i don't think this is anything to feel bad about. Safety first.

Darkhorse · Oct 3, 2006

Men walk the moral tightrope between good and evil every day, and most of us do pretty well. While I think most men have evil thoughts cross their minds frequently (I certainly do), most of us also aspire to good behavior, high morals, and protection of those who depend on us. Christians certainly have a higher standard than this, and the means to attain it, but the world often pulls us down...

Be careful, trust your instincts, and remember that polish and finesse are not the same as a good heart!

kendrahays · Oct 4, 2006

i used to have that same problem. but just try and find a couple of guys that you can really feel like you can trust and get close to as friends. and through these guys, you will find that you can trust others.
promise it works. i did it.

KarateCowboy · Oct 4, 2006

kendrahays said:
i used to have that same problem. but just try and find a couple of guys that you can really feel like you can trust and get close to as friends. and through these guys, you will find that you can trust others.
promise it works. i did it.

It hurts to hear this. I don't see guys doing much more evil than women. Like recently there was that woman who drowned all five of her children. then that 'runaway bride' chick. Also, there was the Martha Stewart scandal.Then there was that girl a few years back that ran over her husband for cheating on her, even though she was having an affair at the same time. Maybe you could read the news and look up bad things women do?
At the end of the day we all sin, but I do admit that women have to be more careful on a day to day basis because of size differences, etc. Don't be prejudiced, but still be careful. Find some guys you can trust and hang out with them. I hope that helps.

Ssarl · Oct 4, 2006

PsH · Oct 7, 2006

ummm, was surprised to come across this, but i can understand.

You shouldnt kill uself about not trusting men, please do not do that!!

The best of guys will make mistakes, they cant help that. i am trusted so much that girls talk to me like im one o the girls and trust me with things they dont trust their best friends. but i have made mistakes, there is usualy a comon reason.

Have friends who are male who you can learn to trust, With these friends be very clear about the boundaries. alot of the time i have found i have over stepped boundaries coz i didnt know there was a problem with something (anything from a subject or a harmless hug) talk to them about it so they know whats what.

Men dont take things or think about things in same way as women do, dont be harsh bout things jus talk to them, the good ones u can trust will put you first.

It may not help atal but maby it will a bit

ERice2nd · Oct 8, 2006

I understand about the distrust of men, heh, I dont trust most men either and I am a man. There are good ones out there though. My ex girlfriend once said of me, that I was the rare and perfect part that you find in a junkyard. now, I know I am not perfect but I think that analogy fits, among a lot of junk you can sometimes find that rare part that is in 'like-new condition' and wont fail you.

Luminaire · Oct 8, 2006

It seems hard to trust anyone these days. I had a friend once who had similar problems, really bad, but eventually she decided she didn't need a man to make her happy. It's tough, all I can say is hang in there. I'm sure if you're a nice girl you'll meet a nice guy who is looking for someone as nice as he is.

Gentle · Oct 11, 2006

Luminaire said:
It seems hard to trust anyone these days. I had a friend once who had similar problems, really bad, but eventually she decided she didn't need a man to make her happy. It's tough, all I can say is hang in there. I'm sure if you're a nice girl you'll meet a nice guy who is looking for someone as nice as he is.

See, you pointed out the real problem, the media..u are saying yourself how it controls your thoughts, impressions but it's not reality but designed to create fear. If the news were to show men all over the world with their kids, wives and the love in the family we would see the world differently.
The second problem with the media is that it does control minds and while men were always pigs you can see the rate of degeneracy as technology exceeds and wisdom declines. People become more controlled by their passions and see very little else much of the time...actually I've met very few people who are lucid the majority of the time. I see so many lost in passions and emotion and ignorance when they act I know to be wary of them too.
i dunno, never had any deep dark secrets myself, a few funny embarrassing ones but not dangerous lol
peace, God bless

Akathist · Oct 12, 2006

Howdy everyone. I think this thread needs to focus on supporting and helping the OP and not on debating ideas about how men or women are.

So, please address your posts to the OP.

Thanks!

Sketcher · Oct 12, 2006

Hmm. You're 18, are you going to college at all? If so, the right campus ministry may help you shake this. It can get you around some good fellas who you can trust and will try to keep you safe. At least that was the atmosphere in my campus ministry, we looked out for the girls and several people learned a lot about trust and friendships. I pray it will be the same with you. Keep your guard up and all, you're right in that there can be a dangerous man anywhere. But not all of us are like that and I would believe that your chances of running into them in a crowd of Christians are far less than running into them in bars or frat parties. Keep basic safety tips in mind, but I hope you can open up to the right people. It's not fair to us when you don't.

PsH · Oct 12, 2006

It's not fair to us when you don't.[/quote]

to all acept this bit we cannot asume girls trust. our integrity must earn it i trut no man until he's earned it and im in no danger of having myself abused etc. You aint alone eauropechristian, i think all thats been said should help you loads an pray that in time you will get a good balance between trust and healthy fear

kopilo · Oct 12, 2006

europechristian said:
Anyway, really I want to know how I can not feel this way, how I can get over this, not all guys can be bad or violent or cheaters, right?

Indeed, I strive to be the opposite of my farther who was in some reguards all of those things.

Maybe you could try telling a really close friend of yours and seeing if they could introduce you to a male that is not belligerent.

Also you could try having a bit of a look at the Dalai Lama, he is one peaceful and amazing man.

Of course I don't expect any of this to solve your issue but rather I hope it helps you on your way.

Also remember Jesus is our homeboy.

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