Trust broken from troubled past.......

[Big_Josh84]

Well, Im going through some VERY hard times right now. My wife and I love eachother with all our hearts, but there is things from my past that she has just found out about. We are a newly wed couple and im in the military, we are seperated right now and this is the hardest time of both our lifes. When we were still dating, I lied to her and promised her that I have not drank. Well, I ended up telling her that I was drinking. She was very hurt and I was very sorry. I care for her so much and I would let her know that I did. Well then like 2 months later we had a big fight, and I thought that we had broken up. I was with some friends, so we went to Mexico for the night. We went to a club and danced and I got very drunk and started to dance. I dirty danced with 1 girl, and I dont remember how I danced with 3 others. I dont remember much of what happend that weekend, other that I had a hangover for 2 days. Well, we ended up talking and getting back together, and I never told her about my crazy weekend. Well, we just got married, and due to my military obligations, we live in seperate states. She recently asked me about how I promised that I would never drink again, and I ended up telling her about that weekend. She is so heartbroken, I feel like she doesnt trust me, and she questions whether or not I have been sexually loyal to eachother. We have. I have not done anything to jeopordize that loyalty. She tells me how would I like it if she went off and got drunk and dirty danced with random guys and didnt remember what all she did. I feel sooooo bad, I want her to forgive me, She thinks God hates her and loves to see her suffer, and Im the best thing that she has and it kills her to find out this sort of stuff. I am 110% remorseful, and want things to go back to what they used to be, I dont know how to let her know how bad I feel and how sorry I am. I need HELP!!!!

 

[KleinerApfel]

Hello and welcome to CF!

You're very welcome here any time,

but:

a/ this is a very quiet area - the daily post rate is usually extremely low, so you might not get many responses for a while.

b/ is this problem really related to "unequally-yoked" marriage?
Just wondered, since you don't mention whether your wife is a Christian, (although rather worryingly you mention that she seems to feel that God hates her, so maybe she's not, or maybe just a confused Christian?)

Bearing all that in mind, have you thought of repeating this post in another section? Eg. marriage ministry?
Or questions - here:
http://www.christianforums.com/forumdisplay.php?s=&daysprune=-1&f=232
You need to expose this to a gretaer number of people in order to get more opinions.

Also, are you aware there is a military section here?

http://www.christianforums.com/forumdisplay.php?s=&daysprune=-1&f=238

There may be lots of other people in similar situations there who can tell you how they've coped.

Now, I am concerned first of all that you need support to stop drinking. Binge drinking such as the episodes you describe, even if not very frequent, is a very serious thing. I imagine the environment you are in might encourage such things, but there may also be help for you there - MO or Padre/Chaplain?

For the sake of your marriage I would also say you and your wife need to live in the same home as much as possible.
Of course you may get posted out sometimes, but when not serving abroad, why can't your wife live with you?
This arrangement of living in different states is desperately unhealthy for you both, and must further undermine the trust between you.

You need to be sober, (long term, not just sometimes), and you need to spend more time together.

I think you need to talk to a minister or male relative you trust, and maybe seek counselling regarding the drink.

I hope you can work this out.

God bless you both, Susana