Truly Devoted vs. Playing the Part

[DontWorryBeHappy]

I've recently spent a lot of time with a young man from my church. He is involved in quite a few church activities and ministries (one being the young adult/junior high group). He is wonderful to listen to when he speaks and spend time with on a casual friendly basis, but he confessed to me the other day that the only reason he is involved in all his activities is because he met a girl who is very active in her church and he feels like God is telling him to do these things for her but he does not really feel it in his heart.

I've spent several evenings talking with him on the subject (when he's not on dates with the young lady), and I've been telling him that he should be involved in church because he loves God and wants to honor him, not because he's looking to land a girlfriend. (He falls in and out of love more often than I return my movie rentals.)

He always acts the part of the Good Christian Boy when he's around members of the congregation, but when he spends time with me or anyone outside the church circle, he's a completely different person. He curses like a sailor, he drinks heavily, he blows off work and school, and he admires some questionable people. I'm trying to make him see what he's doing but he just isn't quiet enough to hear God telling him that he's not really doing His will. I feel badly for the young lady he's pursuing because I don't think she knows him very well at all.

I don't know where my part in this should end and where I am still okay to give advice and gentle thwacks to the head. At what point should I back off and let things run their course or should I continue to be a voice of counsel and reasoning? Any suggestions?

 

[Stanfi]

Oh my. If I may be blunt this man is a hypocrite, a wolf in sheeps clothes. He is not serving God, he is serving his own flesh. If I would guess to guy gets these young ladies out (They think he is a good christian). Then tries to get in their pants.

All you can do is pray and be a witness. Pray that God deals with him and his sin.

Rember this:
Jam 3:10 Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be.

Jam 3:11 Doth a fountain send forth at the same place sweet water and bitter?

Jam 3:12 Can the fig tree, my brethren, bear olive berries? either a vine, figs? so can no fountain both yield salt water and fresh.

 

[klewlis]

Only the Holy Spirit can convict a person... so you can pray for him.

You have already talked to him and told him how you feel... I would also tell him that if he does not come clean, you are going to talk to the leaders of the church. Most churches do not want people like that serving. At that point they can deal with it they way they see fit. This follows the model in Matthew 18.

 

[DontWorryBeHappy]

Only the Holy Spirit can convict a person... so you can pray for him.

You have already talked to him and told him how you feel... I would also tell him that if he does not come clean, you are going to talk to the leaders of the church. Most churches do not want people like that serving. At that point they can deal with it they way they see fit. This follows the model in Matthew 18.

Thanks for your responses. That's what I was thinking. If I were the parent of an impressionable teenager just about to begin interacting more closely with the opposite sex, I would not want someone like the young man I described ministering to my kids. I would feel like a hypocrite if I let him continue to two face the congregation.

I think my next step will be to have a private meeting with my head pastor and see where to go from here.

 

[fishstix]

he feels like God is telling him to do these things for her

More like his sex drive is telling him to do these things to attract her...

Talk to one of the church leaders who supervises the ministries that he is involved in. Are you friends with the girl in question? Depending on your relationship with her, it may or may not be appropriate to let her know that you are concerned.

 

[wvmtnkid]

I think you have the right to raise your concerns to the leaders in your church. If his behavior outside of church is questionable, then that speaks to his witness and his character. Maybe a mentor could be provided for him that he could work with. I agree that his reasons are not quite right for serving, but at least, he is in the church. What better place to be. Maybe with prayer and the loving fellowship of his church, his heart will be won over.

You could raise your concerns with the young lady he is seeing, but be prepared to not be received with open arms. Depending on her feelings for him, you may be viewed as a threat and just someone wanting to cause trouble between them. I would tread carefully there. Is there someone that you could take with you that could back up your claims? Sometimes having more than one (especially more than 1 female) could be helpful in this situation.

 

[DontWorryBeHappy]

Thank you to everyone who responded. I have a lunch date with Pastor this afternoon to discuss what needs to be done. I may wind up taking over the children and Junior High youth ministries. It will be new to me, but I'm looking forward to a challenge and a chance to help out.