True Love vs. Ideal Parent

[Jvn]

Is it possible to truly love someone, but not want them to be the father/mother of your child? Or to fear what type of father/mother they will be?
Would it be best to marry someone else and attempt to gain custody because they are a better father/mother in your eyes for the sake of your child (ie they have better Christian ideals and give your child a better Christian upbringing potentially) or to marry the father/mother that you love and work really hard on their parenting skills and Christian beliefs with them eventhough they weren't raised in a Christian home as you were? Both parents are believers, but one feels superior to the other in this area and fears it will effect the child, so love is less important in his/her eyes.

 

[Katydid]

OK I am lost so I am going to ask some questions here....


1. Is this fear of parenting a future child, or a child that already exists?

2. Are you asking if the parent should choose between what is best for their future children, or what is better for their desires?


Basically, if the child already exists, then the child's best interests should rule this decision, if it is about future children, then I guess they could work on parenting and christianity BEFORE marriage and children.

 

[Jvn]

Existing child, but is that thinking extreme? We are not talking about athiest vs Christian or anything. We are talking 6 out of 10 versus 9 out of 10.

 

[Princessperky]

If we are talking current children, and 9 vs 10 I think comprimise would proly work.
Removing a child when almost all views are similar shows them a bad view of comprimise (though some things cannot be comprimised)

If there is fear of danger to the child then the spouse has to wait, I married for life, my children will only need me 24/7 for so long.

I know a family whos mother insists on sunday school, th father drives but does not do the 'prep work' sign ups and homework or such. no need to leave the man, he might come around with a good example, or not, either way the kids get the sunday school. And an example in unconditional love.

IMO feeling superior in christianity level, isn't exactly christian! And a holier than thou attitude is bound to cause more problems in a relationship if it isn't faced.

 

[Katydid]

Well, if this is current children, then I would say that it would be best to stay married to the bio-parent.

 

[BeanMak]

What does it even mean that they are a "better" christian?!?! If they are married, then the person thinking about leaving, if there aren't abuse issues, drug addictions, adultery issues is WRONG. If they aren't married, then they should look at the beam in their own eye before dealing with the sawdust in their partners.