I have been courting my boyfriend for 7 months and my mom has not liked him from the start. He is 18 and I am 17, we are planning on getting married soon but we don't know how to bring it up to her yet. I would really appreciate it if she would just learn to accept him, yet alone have her blessing on this step that we are about to take.
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trouble with parents
- Thread starter beachangel641
- Start date
I would say try to discuss with her to find out exactly what it is she doesn't like about him - before you bring up the idea of getting married to her. Sometimes dislike can start from small, unintentional thing, that goes undiscussed and unrealized by the offender. But if you know what exactly it is that she doesn't like, then he can work on showing your mom that he's not as bad as she thinks by making an effort in that specific area.
She may also just be concerned that you are too young or moving too fast. In that case it may be a good idea to hold off on discussing the marriage thing. You are 17 - are you finished with high school? If not, it might be a good idea to finish before you start planning your wedding. Many parents would have a problem with their children getting engaged before they have completed high school.
She may also just be concerned that you are too young or moving too fast. In that case it may be a good idea to hold off on discussing the marriage thing. You are 17 - are you finished with high school? If not, it might be a good idea to finish before you start planning your wedding. Many parents would have a problem with their children getting engaged before they have completed high school.
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S
Silver Speak
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Yeah. Even if you´re 'madly in love' with him, consider carefully if this is the right time for you two to take such a huge step. You´ll have the rest of your lives to be married, so, there´s no need to hurrykatelyn said:
I´m not saying there´s a specific age for a person when they´re ready to marry and I know some are very mature for their age, but just wanted to point that out.As for your parents, you just need to discuss it through. They´re prolly just worried about you and they always want your best! Parents can get a little over-protective sometimes!
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jenptcfan
My cup runneth over
Ask your parents, non-confrontationally, what it is that concerns them about your boyfriend. Then listen to what they have to say with an open mind. They may have him pegged completely wrong, but set aside time to hear them out before you make any rebuttals. After they've said their piece, ask them to set aside some time to hear what's on your heart about the situation. If you show them respect when they're talking to you, they're more likely to respectfully listen to your side of the picture too.
It could be that they just think you're moving too quickly or are concerned that the relationship is too serious for your age--it's really hard as 17-18 year olds to support yourselves financially, and financial issues are the #1 reason for divorce. There are lots of issues like that which may not be about them not liking your boyfriend as an individual, just maybe more concerned about the timing.
It could be that they just think you're moving too quickly or are concerned that the relationship is too serious for your age--it's really hard as 17-18 year olds to support yourselves financially, and financial issues are the #1 reason for divorce. There are lots of issues like that which may not be about them not liking your boyfriend as an individual, just maybe more concerned about the timing.
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I have no problem marrying young, if it is right. I did it, both 18, and my marriage is intact. However, if your mother does not like him you need to take that seriously before you move on with the relationship as she probably knows you better than you know yourself and may see in your blind spots.
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mlukas
mlukas
beachangel641
If I may offer my advice, which is very general and may seem a tad "hardline" but here it goes...
I was married when I was 24 and my EX wife was 19. Looking back on it, both of us were far too young. I was married for 11 years before we were divorced (she left me, long story...but suffice to say, we had "normal" problems she didn't feel like working out..) and finances were a HUGE part of it!
You have your whole life to get married. Go out, see the world, experience life! Don't be in a rush.
What I got out of my former marriage was 3 fantastic kids whom I wouldn't trade for the world. However, looking at my emotional maturaty back then, I should have waited to get married until my 30's. Also, you've only been dating for 7 MONTHS!!! What do you really know about him, or any person for that matter after seven months? You are in love, therefore you may see things through that lens. What are his bad points? What are the potential problems you could see with him in a long term relationship/marraige?
These are things that your mother sees, you would be wise to ask her.
One last thought, two of my kids are girls. I would move heaven and earth for them. If one of them came to me at 17 talking about marriage I would do everything in my power to talk them out of it! Again, they have their whole lives to marry. I would want them to go out, see the world, and live on their own for a time
M
If I may offer my advice, which is very general and may seem a tad "hardline" but here it goes...
I was married when I was 24 and my EX wife was 19. Looking back on it, both of us were far too young. I was married for 11 years before we were divorced (she left me, long story...but suffice to say, we had "normal" problems she didn't feel like working out..) and finances were a HUGE part of it!
You have your whole life to get married. Go out, see the world, experience life! Don't be in a rush.
What I got out of my former marriage was 3 fantastic kids whom I wouldn't trade for the world. However, looking at my emotional maturaty back then, I should have waited to get married until my 30's. Also, you've only been dating for 7 MONTHS!!! What do you really know about him, or any person for that matter after seven months? You are in love, therefore you may see things through that lens. What are his bad points? What are the potential problems you could see with him in a long term relationship/marraige?
These are things that your mother sees, you would be wise to ask her.
One last thought, two of my kids are girls. I would move heaven and earth for them. If one of them came to me at 17 talking about marriage I would do everything in my power to talk them out of it! Again, they have their whole lives to marry. I would want them to go out, see the world, and live on their own for a time
M
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J
JVD
Guest
Another thing to keep in mind is that your marriage will not only unite you. It will bring together your respective families. He will start out with a mother-in-law that doesn't like him. That is a handicap.
It would be best to try to work out this issue before getting married and then have her blessing. Just will make things easier in the long run.
It would be best to try to work out this issue before getting married and then have her blessing. Just will make things easier in the long run.
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How much time have your mother and your boyfriend spent together? How well does she know him? If her opinion is based on first impressions, that isn't a very helpful opinion. I suggest that in addition to dates when the two of you go out, you have dates at home where he can interact with you and your family.
If he's not interested in that kind of date, that should be a big red flag!! He owuld be saying that he does not want to get to know your family, and does not want to really get to know you, since that's where you come from.
Personally, I think you are too young... are you out of high school? Do you have a job? You have not even lived outside of your mother's home yet, have you? Get some more experience in life under your belt, get to know yourself better before you want to make marriage plans.
If he's not interested in that kind of date, that should be a big red flag!! He owuld be saying that he does not want to get to know your family, and does not want to really get to know you, since that's where you come from.
Personally, I think you are too young... are you out of high school? Do you have a job? You have not even lived outside of your mother's home yet, have you? Get some more experience in life under your belt, get to know yourself better before you want to make marriage plans.
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Many mothers don't like their son-in-laws all that much. It's just that some can bite their tongue harder than others.
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i have the same situation, though i'm already 24, and my x bf is 25. We've been separated because his mom doesnt' want me ( coz she can't see the two of us together in the end)
Her reasons include: i have polycystic ovarian sydrome ( i might have a hard time conceiving, but ther's a chance. the earlier i marry, the better); our worlds are different, i'm too conservative for the mom (the mom wants someone who got all the ability like cooking and stuffs, and i'm not)
My x bf is still studying. 4th yr med proper and it will take a while before he marry.
Both of us are christians, even his parents. As much as he doesn't want to break up with me, he has to, as a christian son. He has to follow his mom's decision since he's still studying and relies on his parents financially. And he said, its hard to not to do what his mom wants since when 2 people get marrried, its VERY IMPORTANT to have the blessing of the parents. Or else, most relationship wouldn't work
It's so hard being like this. He kept on reminding me that if we're meant to be, then we're meant to be. But i still hope that someday, we'll get back together.
he's the only guy i've ever loved and i dont' know if his mom will ever change her mind.
What do u guys think? Does his mom's decision acceptable? I hope one day she'll realized how we trully love each other. And should i hold on?
Her reasons include: i have polycystic ovarian sydrome ( i might have a hard time conceiving, but ther's a chance. the earlier i marry, the better); our worlds are different, i'm too conservative for the mom (the mom wants someone who got all the ability like cooking and stuffs, and i'm not)
My x bf is still studying. 4th yr med proper and it will take a while before he marry.
Both of us are christians, even his parents. As much as he doesn't want to break up with me, he has to, as a christian son. He has to follow his mom's decision since he's still studying and relies on his parents financially. And he said, its hard to not to do what his mom wants since when 2 people get marrried, its VERY IMPORTANT to have the blessing of the parents. Or else, most relationship wouldn't work
It's so hard being like this. He kept on reminding me that if we're meant to be, then we're meant to be. But i still hope that someday, we'll get back together.
he's the only guy i've ever loved and i dont' know if his mom will ever change her mind.
What do u guys think? Does his mom's decision acceptable? I hope one day she'll realized how we trully love each other. And should i hold on?
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Pope Gonzo
Well-Known Member
Why do you say "courting" instead of "dating"? What in your relationship would distinguish the two?beachangel641 said:
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