Toxic marriages and divorce?

[lavendar]

I've been brought up in a half christian not so happy home. My mother started going to church and walking with christ when my sister was about six years old. I do not like the way my father treats us. He has cheated, drinks, stays out all the time, bad with money always arguining etc. To us the girls he is selfish, manipulative, self centered, controlling and treats us like a retirement fund. (Bridal price is practiced in my culture).

It would not be a surprise to us children if he turned out to have another family girlfriend or children somewhere.

I am in my twenties now, and having private counselling for various personal reasons. One of the things that I have noticed is I have somewhat lost faith in God. I find myself sometimes coming back to God expecting an answer, but I get so angry when I see my mother stayed married to him all these years and how it has affected us children. I remember praying many times when I was younger hoping that they could finally divorce and so we could be at peace. I don't understand why God did not answer, why if he loves us and my mother so much, why he let my mother stay in such a toxic relationship. So thinking maybe someone here might relate or see something that I do not see, why do "God serving women stay in toxic relationship and what does the bible say about divorce?

I know some of you might say she did it for us, but to be honest with you, I think we would have had a much better life if they had separated a long time ago. Its one thing to have a father and another thing to have a father that is present. I know the difference because the latter is what I wish I had.

 

[Kristen.NewCreation]

I think that toxic marriages create issues for many children. Even impacting their relationship with Christ. I know from my personal experience, though a different situation from yours, that because of my parents behaviors, that I found myself bouncing back and forth at times with God.

One of the questions I finally quit asking was why. I don't know why God didn't answer my prayers then, but He has allowed me to find a way to minister to those struggling with similar issues after the fact. Even though I don't know why he didn't answer my requests for help, I do know that what I went through and have moved to the otherside of, has provided an opportunity to reach out to others in similar situations.

Maybe for you, that is a similar situation. Where the why doesn't get answered here on earth, but in His plans he's given you skills and abilities to reach those who have struggled with similar issues.

 

[lavendar]

Thabk you for the reply. I don't like not knowing why. It sucks when I see other happy father daughter people and I don't have that.

 

[mimi75042]

I often ask myself and wonder the same thing.. I don't know why it happens but I know that it does. I'm going through that right now, but I'm the one that is struggling with it, a toxic marriage. I don't know why I'm in it, we don't have any kids together but I know that I feel sorry for him. Sometimes I wonder if I love him because most of the time all of his actions take over what I feel for him. I wind up asking myself if I truly love him or hate him because most of the times he makes me hate him. His problem is that he thinks he does no wrong and he thinks he's perfect, but he's not. He's missing the one thing that can/will change him and that's GOD. I pray all the time for myself and for him. I don't know how much longer I will tolerate this marriage but I know that GOD has something GOOD in store for me. I just want to have peace and be happy. So the only thing that keeps me going is my son, which is not his, my family and GOD. If it wasn't for that, I think that I would definately go crazy. All I can say is just keep praying, that's what I do.